I have never in my life been insecure with any guy before. Never! Some people are insecure in a relationship because they have been hurt in the past, or relationships had gone bad but I never had that. To be honest I have never been hurt by a guy, I was always the one hurting guys. I broke so many guy's hearts and when I think about it..it makes me sad sometimes. Then I met my bf whom I am with now, I wasn't insecure in the beginning....I did not even know what it felt like to be jelous or insecure. But once he told me his past, he had sex with many girls, went to clubs, partied, used to hire strippiers, etc. Slowly after time I started to not trust him even though he became Christian and left his old deeds behind. Now I am so insecure. I don't want him to be around girls, I don't let him watch tv if a girl is on, I don't let him look at girls, I don't even want him going to the gym or places where girls are. I am going insane. I feel like if I had bigger boobs, better this and that then I would not feel this way. Sometimes I think if only I could be as gorgeous and even better than the girls he was with then I will feel good about myself. But why I don't understand why I am like this is because Ive been with alot of guys who were players, or guys who had sex with way more girls than my bf has and I did not care. Besides I have cheated on my bf during our 1 yr relationship with 5 guys. I have only had sex with my bf but I have fooled around with these other guys. And all the guys I have been with I only did it for worth. I would be with a guy for expensive gifts, money, they took me to all the best places, spent everything on me, and once they started falling in love with me and wanted our relationship to be more serious I would dump them. There would be even times when I would date 2-3 guys at a time. But my bf I fell in love with, but after a yr Ive been getting more and more insecure. The more insecure I get the less I want to be with him but cannot dump him. I am afraid that if I do break up with him he will get a much better gf than me. Besides I am afraid that since he makes alot of money he will become really rich and more successful than me. I want to become successful and if my life goes great then dump him. But until then I just want him to spend his money on me and not be successful. What happened to me??? Why am I like this? I tried to get to the bottom of it, like why did this happen to me so I can change it. But I don't know where the roots started.