Why am I so bothered?

[Rorschach]

I just really need some advice here cuz this is driving me crazy. You see, for some reason, everytime my g/f Britt goes to a club or party or whatever with her friends, it just bothers me.

I know she's not gonna do anything bad like get drunk or something or do something stupid, but it still nags at me. I never went down the "partying" road or anything for the obvious reasons (drinking, sex, drugs...and just the fact I wasn't invited much).

I'm not so much afraid she'll start doing some of the things she's done before again, I really don't know what bothers me about it really. And I don't wanna be upset or bothered or anything if she goes to one of those once in a while (cuz she doesn't go a lot, hasn't in a while actually). I know she wants to have fun and stuff, and I guess if she goes just to be with her friends and nothing else isn't really bad is it?

I know for a fact that my views on parties and clubs and such won't change, but is there anyone who can give me advice or their opinion or anything?

 

[lady_of_god]

Well here's my two dollars and fifty cents.....

Q: Do i think its anything wrong with going to clubs, parties, and etc?
A: For me personally yes because I don't like them... for others, I think its fine if your single, but if you have a SO you should take them with you.

Q: Whats the best thing to do if you don't like your SO going to such outings?
A: Tell them honestly what you feel. By not telling them, your allowing you feelings to build up and eventually it will leak out but in an unhealthy way that could potentially end a relationship. Most problems in relationships starts out as little ones and then balls into a huge rock that blocks communication. So speak up now... this is a time for understanding and compromise.

Hope this helps a tad!

-Lady

 

[Rorschach]

Well it does, but the thing is I can't go with her cuz she's like 500 miles away lol. Besides, even if it were possible for me to go, I don't think I would cuz that's just not my life style, ya know?

And she does know that I don't like it and all, but she just wants to have "fun". Can't really blame her though, all her friends that are there are into that kinda thing. She really doesn't have any christian friends over there that she could hang out with and not go to parties and such.

I mean I don't have a big problem against parties and clubs, as long as you don't do something wrong (like getting drunk or high or w/e it is people do lol). I know she won't do those things, but it still just nags at me for some reason. Maybe cuz of the way she says it, like she's just having "fun".

But we have sort of talked about it before and I feel bad cuz I don't want her walking on egg shells just so I won't be upset. I also don't try to bring it up too much cuz I don't wanna upset her, but I guess I should mention it to her soon.

 

[bliz]

A few thoughts:

*The two of you seem to have fairly different definitions of "fun" Hers includes clubbing - where there is booze, lots of skin, dancing, cuoples making out, etc. etc. You don't think that's fun. Even if she is dong none of that (which, frankly, I find unlikely) she likes that kind of atmosphere. You don't. This is a pretty big difference between the two of you. What would the two of you do for fun if you lived in the same town - or married?

* You seem to be saying to her what you think you are supposed to say instead of what you really feel. Some people would call that lying. It certainly must be confusing to her. And you.

* My hunch is that both of you are afraid to really call it like you see it for fear that the relationship will end. But at 500 miles apart, it's hard to maintain a relationship, especially when your values are pretty different to begin with.

I'd encourage you to let this relationship die it's natural death. THere are no bad guys here - you are both simply very different people and these differences are hard to mesh together.

 

[lady_of_god]

I know she won't do those things, but it still just nags at me for some reason. Maybe cuz of the way she says it, like she's just having "fun".

But we have sort of talked about it before and I feel bad cuz I don't want her walking on egg shells just so I won't be upset. I also don't try to bring it up too much cuz I don't wanna upset her, but I guess I should mention it to her soon.

Being in a long distance relationship is tough. You should be able to talk about things freely (and as often as necessary) if its going to succeed. There has to be middle ground some where that she could enjoy yourself and you will feel comfortable.

Also you said that she doesn't have any Christian friends.... that's a problem. When you hang out with a crowd that doesn't follow in the same faith she will find herself giving in a little here and "a little sin" there.
The fact that it "nags" you maybe is a bit of a red flag... I think that either you suspect that other things are going on or you really don't trust her in a way you believe you did.

I suggest that you should pray about what your feeling and ask the Spirit to guide you on what it is that's bothering you.

-Lady

 

[Rorschach]

Well I talked to her about it tonight and its fine, I feel a little better now that I "vented" a little bit. For the record, she is NOT cheating on me, doing drugs, or anything of that nature nor have I suspected her of doing so.

She just likes to hang out with her friends sometimes. The only reason she'd go "clubbing" or whatever is cuz all her friends are going so she might just tag along, doesn't mean she wants to go there or anything. Trust me, I know what kind of person she is and I know she's not the one to say one thing and do another.

I highly doubt there is any "natural death" for our relationship just cuz this was bugging me a little. It would be a completely different story if she lived here, but she doesn't. But anyway, I talked to her about it a little and it did help, I thank you all for your opinions even though I think some of them were quite far fetched, no offense though. But I did ask and there your opinions, so yeah lol.

 

[bliz]

I highly doubt there is any "natural death" for our relationship just cuz this was bugging me a little. It would be a completely different story if she lived here, but she doesn't.

I'll stand by my opinion. What would be different if she lived near you? Would she not choose friends who liked to party? Would you decide that you liked clubbing if you could do it with her? Don't count on it being a compleatly different story - you will both still be the same people no matter where you are.