Who should do it?

[refusethemark]

Hey everybody. This might seem like a weird question, but who do you think should be the one to pop the question? I know traditionally it's the guy and he buys the girl an engagement ring etc... but my boyfriend is dead set on me being the one to do it. Yes we are planning to get married but can't get engaged yet because I live 5 hours drive away and have to for 2 years, so we're going to have to wait. But he's really into the whole 'girl making the moves' thing and wants me to be the one to pop the question when the time comes.

Now, financially it also makes sense, since I've just started working fulltime (I've just started teaching) and he is still at university. But I'm a girl who has dreamed of one day being proposed to in the most surprising romantic way. I have always dreamed of being proposed to at the lookout of Kings Park in spring. Am I crazy to want to fulfill that dream or am I being selfish there? If you think I should propose, should I get him a ring? If so what kind?

 

[rockwell]

Personal opinion = I reckon he is wrong!!!

A guy should never expect a girl to make the first move, he's probably just kidding and maybe joking with that. Confront him seriously and ask him. All the girls i know are just like you and wanna get a nice engagement ring one day in a special/surpring way. and would expect the guy to say the magic sentence "will you.... blah blah"

 

[refusethemark]

LOL you just summed me up to a tee!! And he has to go on one knee and those words "will you marry me?" ahhh *sigh* You know, I have sometimes got the feeling he might be joking around when he talks about it, but its hard to tell. One night he said "So Anna, when are you going to propose?" but he had this smirky grin on his face and I wasn't sure whether he was being serious or not, lol. Maybe I shoudl just come out and ask him like you said. We have a mutual friend on MSN who is going to do some subtle investigating on his opinion about it for me

 

[DaveKerwin]

time for your boyfriend to grow up and ask you.

if you ask him, that could set a poor precedent for your future, that is how see it. do you plan on doing every hard task for him the rest of his life?

 

[LadyBird]

Well, if he wants you to propose to him and you want him to propose to you, why don't you propose to each other...if that makes any sense. For me personally, I would NEVER want to propose marriage to a guy. I think that it is the man's job...talk to your boyfriend and ask him what he wants and tell him what you want and maybe you can meet in the middle.

 

[DaveKerwin]

I think you should make it obvious that you are waiting for him. Sending him an email with a pic of a ring you like never hurts

 

[wonder111]

i think it depends on the couple. One of my good friends is in the exact same position as you. I personally wouldn't want to propose, it's not me at all, but for her and her SO, it looks like it's the way it's going to be

 

[Krystina661]

I think the guy should do it.. IMO

 

[stubbornkelly]

I'm not really a fan of either person "popping the question." It's something the couple should come to a decision on together.

That said, someone has to initiate the conversation, and in my mind (and I don't know of anything in scripture that this would be opposition to), it doesn't matter who does it. If he hasn't, and you're really feeling led to marriage, you should initiate it. And the same thing for him. If you've already discussed it and have decided you will be married, and no one has "popped the question," yet, why bother with popping anything? It's decided, you're engaged to be married. So start planning already.

 

[MusicMelOU]

Yeah I agree with the consensus about the guy. There's stories all over the Bible about the guy taking the initiative. I mean, look at the whole book of Ruth.

 

[DaveKerwin]

be ready to wipe his butt, that is a difficult task too. he may want to bail on that responsibility, but you will be there to mop up the dirty work in his life.

 

[Pope Gonzo]

be ready to wipe his butt, that is a difficult task too. he may want to bail on that responsibility, but you will be there to mop up the dirty work in his life.

Very well said.It's the guy's job to be the leader in a relationship and marriage.

 

[nahMish]

ask yourself WHY he NEEDS YOU to ask him? personally i think that it is the man's role to lead in the relationship, and by asking him yourself, that in my mind is not the man taking the initiative.
a book that may help is "wild at heart" by John Eldridge..i read it a few years ago and it opened my eyes to what a man is really meant to be and that sort of thing. im not saying your boyfriend is a wuss- why would you be with him then ??
but it taught me a lot...
it also sounds as if maybe he's just teasing you as well...but only you can figure that one out...dont ask him if you feel that you shouldnt...do what your heart tells you to do !
xox

 

[FaithfulServant]

The man is supposed to be the "leader" in the relationship. Once you get married, he is called to be the spiritual leader also. By you proposing, that is taking away form his leadership role, and therefore I think that if he isn't ready financially to buy the ring and support you, then he isn't ready for marriage.

Suggestion: Read the book "Boy Meets Girl" and there are 10 questions in the back that ever Christian couple need to answer before getting engaged.

 

[PrNcSsChRmNg91]

It doesn't matter who "pops" the question. No gender has that certain job but traditionally men were the ones who popped the question. If your boyfriends does it, great. If you do it, great. There is no difference. But I suggest talking to him about the engagement and ect.

The man is supposed to be the "leader" in the relationship.

Where does it say that in the Bible? Some people believe that the man should be the leader in a marriage but this is the first I heard about any relationship. I believe in none of those, but I'm getting off topic now, so I'll be quiet... =)

 

[FaithfulServant]

If a man can't lead when you are "courting" how is he going to be able to lead when you are married?

 

[PrNcSsChRmNg91]

If a man can't lead when you are "courting" how is he going to be able to lead when you are married?

How is proposing "leading"?

 

[Where]

Faithfullservant:
Will you explain more about what exactly spiritually leading in a relationship is? What are some examples of a guy being the spiritual leader?

 

[TheTempleTeam]

I also think the guy should do it, and I don't think you're being that selfish in wanting him to do it in a romantic way. If I was a girl, I would want the same, and as a guy I intend to propose in a romantic way, in a romantic location and with romantic words... however... it's like a baby being born (work with me here )

My parents just had another child (shock!) and as a very much older couple in the pre-birth pep talk they all seem to get (otherwise known as pre-natal ) my dad burst into tears telling all the younger men that this isn't just a birth, a procedure, but this is the start of so much more! It is the start of a life! A life they have to nurture!

And marriage is very similar in many ways, it's the start (birth) of a new life together. The proposal (birth) is only the start of it, it's important that it goes well, but it is not the be-all and end-all.

I pray you'll both find the right thing to do, God Bless.

 

[refusethemark]

Thank you all for your comments. I suppose I didn't really explain my situation properly to begin with. My boyfriend and I have been going out for 16 months and until the end of January we were in the same place. But in January I had to move 5 hours away for a teaching job and I am contracted to be here for 2 years. I see him every holidays. I have 2 weeks holiday every 10 weeks and some weekend visits in between. At the end of the year I have 6 weeks holiday. That means if we are going to get married in the future (and we have talked about it many times and agree that we really want to) we are going to have to wait until the 2 years is up and we're both in the same place to get married.

Which means we can't really get engaged until sometime next year anyway because nothing can be done for so long and it's not good (temptation wise) to have a long engagement. Also he is still at uni and finishes in July, so he's not financially able to get married yet. So basically the bottom line is, we know we want to get married and we have prayed about it and stuff but the word from God is to wait. Therefore, we can't really be doing anything much at the moment about it.

Anyway I'm rambling by now and if you read through this whole post, I congratulate you!