I think we're getting closer to the root question, which seems to be "If she really knew me, would she still want me?" And probably most when I'm feeling down is when the bad habits seem insurmountable.
Sometimes I wonder if I "test" people with the bad habits, sort of a "If they can handle this, then I believe they can handle more of my worst baggage". (I don't think it's intentional or at least I hope not.)
I know there are times when I'll look at the "mess" that's accumulated from being a slob and feel hopeless and sometimes even worthless. Maybe even helpless sometimes. Which is contrary to what God says about me. But it's easy to forget what God says. And He says a lot of great truths about us. (Plus it's tough to ask for help in cleaning up the mess.)
Sometimes it amazes me how accepting I can be of other people. Not much fazes me at all. But I'm starting to be more amazed that I have trouble believing that there are others out there that can do the same with accepting me as I really am. I'm not sure I give people a chance to surprise me, even though I recognize that God delights in surprising us all the time. Though the times I've allowed others to really give me grace when I desperately needed it (and even recognized it as such), I'm usually speechless and driven to awe, because it's usually so unexpected.
Well, this was hard thinking for me. But it's good to get it out of my head and out here where even I can evaluate it. Thanks for stimulating my thinking!!!
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