Who have you lost and how have you dealt with it?

[GreenEyedLady]

I would like to just open a topic about loss and have anyone who wants to post their loss here so that we can sorta start this board going a little.
As you can see by my signature, I lost my twin daughter June 12, 2002 from the inner cords on a window blind. We had the pull cords tied up, but that did not save her life. The closer I get to the Lord, the better things are. The more blessings He has given us. I love my Lord and Master so much. HE is my everything.
Please feel free to type!!!!!
GEL

 

[Dyfed]

I lost my husband on Nov 14th this year to Multi Meyloma,cancer,
(three weeks ago today).Chris.
LIFE IS GOD'S GIFT TO YOU,
WHAT YOU DO WITH IT IS YOUR GIFT TO GOD.

 

[Iddie4him]

I lost my mother Feb 11th, 2000 to colo-rectal cancer that metastasized and spread thru her like wildfire.

 

[GreenEyedLady]

I lost my father On December 25, 1998 from diabeties, my daughter died June 12, 2002 from strangling on a window blind, and I just lost my mother from diabeties August 22, 2003. Its been rough, but with the Lord anything is possible. Its so hard to lose someone. I have not yet experienced losing a husband and hopefully I get to have many years with him. That must be hard to lose your soul mate.
The hardest one was of course my daughter. I do feel a little cheated with my parents as I am only 31 and they were 55 and 62. So I do feel cheated that I don't get to have them around, but God has me close. I thank HIM daily for his blessings. One thing that I have learned thought all of this is to stop asking WHY and start asking WHAT NOW LORD? Keep saying that to yourself.
God Bless you all!
GEL

 

[tonytech]

I lost my father in Feb this year, He had a stroke on Christmas day 2002, He was 88 but fit and apparently healthy.
I am finding things tough as my mother, my sisters and I prepare to celebrate Christmas.
Tony

 

[* kittie *]

i lost my dad in Feb. 26, 2000 to...i don't even know anymore. i know he had hepatitis B, but i heard from someone that he later got cancer too. like he was in a coma for about 2 weeks, and then was recovering and doing pretty well, but got really sick in one night. i've heard so many stories as to what happened...but my mom never told me the whole story.

i never went through the "grieving process" until october of that year. like i cried the first day i found out (someone at church came up to me and was like "are you okay?", and i was like "huh?"), but i never cried after that until october. not a lot anyways.

grieving went on from october to about june 2001. and i was even in the middle of Bible school, which was weird. weird, because i had teachers stop all of a sudden from their teaching, and say stuff like, "you should be able to trust in God and stop being so down about that" (which i swear to this day that it was directed at me). after june, i guess God took the pain away...or maybe i just got used to it.

i don't really think about it anymore, except i may go through periods of jealousy or whatever. but grieving...no.

i'm sorry you all. i know the holidays are especially tough...
hope that you all have strength to get through it.

 

[Dawn Marie]

I'm sorry everyone... it is so hard to lose someone. I lost my Aunt September 29th of this year... it's been a couple months I think. It's... very hard. Especially since I had it in my mind that "nobody I loved would ever die, that only happened to other people"...

 

[GreenEyedLady]

Blueiversion-
I think that we just get used to it really. The pain will always be there a little.
When you say you get jealous, do you mean of others who have thier parents?
I feel that way sometimes. Its such a drag watching all these people with their parents and not having mine.
I do find the holidays are so hard, especially this one being the first.
May the Lord bless you all
GEL

 

[* kittie *]

Blueiversion-
When you say you get jealous, do you mean of others who have thier parents?

yeah. like especially when i see Korean fathers. some of them just remind me of mine. or if i see elderly couples, i feel jealous for my mom.

Especially since I had it in my mind that "nobody I loved would ever die, that only happened to other people"...

i know. that's always what i thought. i never thought it could ever happen to me. :-( i'm sorry.

 

[Dyfed]

I feel the same way,I was in town today and was looking at all the couples walking together,I feel so cheated,I guess it is never the right time,I am at the stage where I am doing things for the first time with out my husband,everytime I have had to do something for the first time without him,I start to grief all over again,because to has only just passed away, I think on new years eve I will just go to bed early,it would have been his birthday,I pray for us all to be able to get through this season,I can well believe the holidays are the worst,dyfed.

 

[GreenEyedLady]

Yes they are hard. But this holiday, even though its my 2nd after losing my daughtert and my first with no parents I am looking to start some new traditions with my family.
I am trying to keep myself very busy.
Dyfed, are you reading the Word every day? This is vital for you! Every day!

 

[elanor]

I lost my closest sister to breast cancer when she was 40. It's been a number of years, and even though I've always been at peace about it, there is still pain. Funny how those two emotions can coexist. Last year I lost my brother-in-law. He'd been as close as any brother to me for more than 40 years. I was just a little girl when he married my sister, and I don't remember life without him.

God's gentleness and peace get me through the times when it hurts again like a new wound. It helps to know that this life isn't the end, to have assurance that I will see them again. I'm so grateful for the privilege of having been with them through the whole process of dying, letting God use me to be a gentle servant to them when they needed it most. And, if this makes any sense, the hurt I feel opens me up to others and makes me more patient and gentle. It helps me to be able to give something of that to someone else.

Bless you, everyone here who knows what it is to walk through loss. Dyfed, you will be in my prayers tonight. May you be aware of God's closeness and kindness, carrying you through each hour, each day.

This thread was a very good idea!

 

[Dawn Marie]

This is way too hard... I'm so scared of losing someone who's even closer to me. The worst part: I know it will happen one day, I just don't know when. Hmm, I'm sorry everyone... for your losses. It is so tough...

 

[evita]

I lost my grandma about a month ago. It really sucks because her birthday was on the 17th of October, and so I remember thinking to myself, I need to give a call and wish her a happy birthday and talk about school, etc. (It had been a while, Labor Day, since I had talked to her, since I go to school out of state). I kept on putting off that phone call because of busy schedules, etc. And then only a couple weeks later she died. I feel awful about it, and still miss her. She was the best grandma, and I have all kinds of memories and stuff from when I went to her house as a child. I know I should be rejoicing because she is in a much better place now, but it's still really hard, not being able to say goodbye...

 

[Phileo]

My 4 month old daughter Kathlyn died in May of 1983. My 1 week old daughter Glorya in October of 84.

I briefly mentioned this in another thread. From 1998 -2000, my sister, mother and brother passed, each year one of them passed. Losing my mother was the toughest I believe. The Members of her church were a tough act... but somehow my mother's last words to me helped me to cope with their attitudes and every loss I have endured before and after is what has helped me to cope.

My mother who was very well loved and an active teacher in the church (don't get me wrong she was not perfect or anything) was diagnosed with lung cancer in 1997. Many of the saints prayed for her recovery and she did quite well through 1998. In May of 1999 on Mother's Day, she took a turn for the worse. The Pastor's wife who was one of Mama's closest friends took up the cause to pray for her healing. (through prayer groups and personal prayer) She would call me often and ask if we were praying for and with Mama. I told her we were. Mama died on the 2nd of June 1999 in my arms. When I called to inform the Pastor and his wife, she said our family should have prayed with more faith. (She was wrought with tears and grief) She accused our family of not having the faith to move God to heal my mother. I knew she was just grieving and looking to vent.

The insult came when the Pastor called me 3 days before Mama's funeral, and said, "You all really need to work on your faith. If there had been more faith in your prayers, your mother would have been healed. (That really hurt me)

I prayed about it, I did not want to go to the funeral mad as a hatter, plus Mama's final arrangements were my responsibility so I already had enough on my mind.

When I spoke at Mama's funeral, God brought to my heart the words she shared with me before she passed into the arms of Jesus. I first reminded them of who we were in Christ. And I told them that my mother did not want you all to feel sorry for our loss or her death. Our loss is truly her gain. (as the Apostle Paul taught) then I turned to the pulpit and said; some of you think our faith was not strong enough to move the Lord to heal her... but my mother wanted you all to know in the event she should die, your prayers had been answered, God has given her the HIGHEST HEALING, she is with HIM forevermore.

The next day the Pastor called me and apologized for the remarks that were made, going as far as to admit, that he'd taken his eyes off of the infinate goal of the Believer... ETERNAL LIFE WITH CHRIST! And for a brief moment he was looking at the finite world.

We are pretty close than these days, the next year the day before the first anniversary of Mama's passing, his wife died of a massive stroke, my mother's words helped him and his family to see the eternal value of their loss.

 

[Matrona]

We are pretty close than these days, the next year the day before the first anniversary of Mama's passing, his wife died of a massive stroke, my mother's words helped him and his family to see the eternal value of their loss.

Just wanted to say that was a very touching story... ...just serves as a reminder that Christ our Savior trampled down death by death--death was broken and defeated forever by Christ's glorious resurrection. Your pastor and the church simply needed a reminder of this from someone as wise as your mother!

 

[GreenEyedLady]

Phileo-
That was such a wonderful testimony. I am so glad that you posted and shared that with us. You are so right, our loss is THIER gain. We are selfish creatures. Wanting so much. Psalm 23 is so much what I want to be in Christ. It is hard to not want, hard to accept things but it is vital to accept them and ask the Lord What now, instead of WHY?
The closer I get to the Lord the more he showes me with spirit eyes why things have to happen.
I can see the strength that the Lord has blessed you with just in the words that you have typed. Praise the Lord for HIS strength, and HIS comfort.
Your sister in Christ
GEL

 

[* kittie *]

This is way too hard... I'm so scared of losing someone who's even closer to me. The worst part: I know it will happen one day, I just don't know when. Hmm, I'm sorry everyone... for your losses. It is so tough...

that's what i worry about too. :-(

 

[* kittie *]

thank you for your testimony Phileo. i like your response to the church.
and ouch...i'm glad that your pastor apologized. i had some experiences like that, and it hurt so much.

 

[Photini]

I lost my mother on Oct. 4, 1995. I was 18 years old and with a 6 month old baby. She died of breast cancer. Due to her medical insurance, she had to wait a certain amount of time after her coverage became effective to go to the doctor or be diagnosed with anything, or else it was considered a pre-existing condition. So by the time she could seek medical treatment, the cancer had already spread into other organs and was destroying even her bones. She was only 51 years old.

My granddaddy also died earlier that same year due to lymphoma.

I dealt with the events of that year in just about every wrong way imaginable.