whiny child?

[honeyoatcereal]

I am currently babysitting my cousin's 2 daughters: ages 1.5 and 2.5. I have been having trouble because when I tell them not to do things, both of them get very whiny. I don't understand how to encourage them to be in better moods because they are still so young. I don't use the word "no" but I tell them not to do things like dont touch that, please don't hit, don't bite, etc. When I say not to do something they both just start crying or making a whiny sound and pouting. My cousin is a gentle mom and doesn't spank or use the word no but is just as lost as I am at how to help this behavior.

 

[Hadassah]

I know it is pretty controversial in some circles, but the way I have always dealt with that, and the way my parents and relatives have -- is tell the child very clearly you cannot understand them while they whine. If they stop and tell you what they want without whining... then you magically understand them.

My sister was the world's worst whiner when she was little. Part of it was she was sick all the time and the other part was she almost always had her way.

We have her on film whining when she was around 2 saying "They won't let me share with them" -- but between the whine and cry, she's practically unintelligeable. My brother and I remember so well, we were able to tell her what she'd said 20 years after the fact. LOL

There are ways without time out or spanking to correct whining... but it takes time and perseverence.

 

[Beautiful Fireball]

I agree with the above post.

I watch a little boy who is 2.5 and he has a problem whining, I think mostly it's the age. What I do is get down on his level and make him look me in the eye and very calmly say that whining is not acceptable and that if he wants something he is going to have to use his words and explain in his big boy voice. He almost always cuts the whining immediately and asks or tells me what is wrong in a clear manner. He knows I won't listen to him when he whines and sometimes he needs a reminder, like all kids do.

Just be gentle with it. If the whining continues after this tell them that you would be happy to listen to them when they are ready to use words but until then you won't be able to because your ears just don't understand what they are saying.

 

[Macx]

tell the child very clearly you cannot understand them while they whine. If they stop and tell you what they want without whining... then you magically understand them.

Babysitting 5 of the most wonderful children ever, I learned this technique . . .even really excellent children get whinny sometimes and this works 100%.

 

[HeatherJay]

I agree with the above. But, you also have to go a step further and positively reinforce the good behavior (using words, expressing himself in a non-whiny way). Make sure that when he speaks in a "big boy" way that you're actively listening to him and addressing his concerns and frustrations. Children get frustrated when they feel they're not being heard, understood, or listened to...so it takes a conscious effort to convince the child that whining is not necessary to get a grown up to listen to what they have to say.

 

[Hadassah]

yep

 

[Leanna]

Do you babysit regularly? With minimum 3 children under 3 you need to keep them busy and moving, like they do at a day care.

 

[seamonster]

I second (or third) the "I can't understand you when you whine." I would go further and add "I know you're upset and you're sad that you can't do X, but let's do something else instead." Like Leanna said, redirection and keeping the kids busy is a really wonderful thing and a useful tool. Do you have a schedule for what you do with the kids? Maybe make a list of things you can do with them before they come over so that you don't run out of activities.

 

[jgonz]

I also use the "I can't understand you when you whine" thing, and use positive reinforcement for when they speak clearly.

 

[hisbloodformysins]

I am currently babysitting my cousin's 2 daughters: ages 1.5 and 2.5. I have been having trouble because when I tell them not to do things, both of them get very whiny. I don't understand how to encourage them to be in better moods because they are still so young. I don't use the word "no" but I tell them not to do things like dont touch that, please don't hit, don't bite, etc. When I say not to do something they both just start crying or making a whiny sound and pouting. My cousin is a gentle mom and doesn't spank or use the word no but is just as lost as I am at how to help this behavior.

I've found that when kids are whiney they are either sick, tired or conditioned to get their ways when they whine. My kids whine far more with me then they do my husband because I'm soft and give in sometimes... they don't with him because they've learned it doesn't work.

That is a young age, you aren't going to be able to rationalize with them, teach them that you no means no....

HB

 

[TCat]

Be sure to explain to them what you mean by whining. It can become such a habit that children don't recognize when they are doing it. Gently stating in a calm voice "I can't understand you when you speak to me like that" as if it were no big deal and then expecting them to cooperate is key.

Some one also mentioned praising the appropriate behaviors, good advice, so easy to focus on the negative and begin using discipline only as punishment rather than guidance.