Where should physical Boundaries be?

[natlewer]

When 'dating' someone there are many different views on where the physical boundaries should lie? Now there is the spectrum: on the left there is no boundaries and on the right a person may not kiss until their wedding. Now, I have my boundaries where I think God wants them to lie. I'm just wondering about what your opinions are....

Physical Boundaries? Where do they lie? Why do they lie there?

Don't be scared to express any opinion even when it may be different than others...

Thank You and God's Peace....

 

[kiora]

I believe that you should not do anything that you would not do if Jesus were standing in the cornor of the room.
I am engaged and we kiss, french kiss, cuddle,lie down together on sofa to watch TV err.... I think that is about it .

 

[Pope Gonzo]

It's important to look to God about your boundaries. God convicts some people not to kiss until they're married, and he convicts some people to avoid being together alone at night. Pray about it, and don't let anyone change you from your convictions - unless, that is, you think that God is convicting you to have sex before you're married, or something along those lines.

 

[invisiblebabe]

Obviously, anything directly sexual is off limits (meaning touching private parts, being naked, any kind of sex).

Besides that, it's a hard call.... certainly anything that causes you to lust or have immoral thoughts is out, too. What does this for one person, however, can be very different than what does it for another. There's a fine line between something being affectionate and being sexual, and where this line appears varies from individual to individual.

I also think that it would be safe to say that if you wouldn't do it with your sibling as a sign of affection, it would probably be bad to do it before marriage with a significant other. Although some siblings are closer and more affectionate than others... so again this is a hard call....

 

[Jon_]

When 'dating' someone there are many different views on where the physical boundaries should lie? Now there is the spectrum: on the left there is no boundaries and on the right a person may not kiss until their wedding. Now, I have my boundaries where I think God wants them to lie. I'm just wondering about what your opinions are....

Physical Boundaries? Where do they lie? Why do they lie there?

Don't be scared to express any opinion even when it may be different than others...

Thank You and God's Peace....

The physical boundaries lie at sin. When you sin, you cross the boundaries. There isn't anything inherently sinful in hugging, kissing, etc. If it causes you to lust, though, then it's sinful. There are two things you can do to avoid that sin. One is to forego physical intimacy. Two is to fortify yourself and your walk with Christ and remain firm in Him. Being fully committed to God's will makes make all the difference in the world. Where you used to struggle with lust from closeness, you now feel only joy and love. Your focus has gone from yourself to your partner and God. That's the heart of Christ-like love.

 

[natlewer]

I don't know if I am using this quote tool write but someone said...
"I also think that it would be safe to say that if you wouldn't do it with your sibling as a sign of affection, it would probably be bad to do it before marriage with a significant other. "
In reply to this I say that i would not kiss my brother the way I would kiss a significant other... I don't find this to be wrong...
Thanks for your thoughts....

 

[invisiblebabe]

I don't know if I am using this quote tool write but someone said...
"I also think that it would be safe to say that if you wouldn't do it with your sibling as a sign of affection, it would probably be bad to do it before marriage with a significant other. "
In reply to this I say that i would not kiss my brother the way I would kiss a significant other... I don't find this to be wrong...
Thanks for your thoughts....

You click "quote" on the icon right under the person's post you're quoting. It should be right on the bottom of the post, on the right corner. It should open up a new link and quote the text for you. Then, you can delete any unnecessary text within the already quoted text. Hope that makes sense... I tend to be a bit abstract when giving instructions


Anyhow, to reply to your point... I'm not passionately kissing anyone until I am married. But yes, of course it is different with a romantic partner than with a sibling...

Hm, I'm not sure whether passionate kissing outside of marriage is wrong.... for me it would certainly cause problems with wanting to do more... as it would for many others I've talked with about this.

 

[gracefaith]

My general rule of thumb on boundaries:

God intended us to satisfy our sexual desires only within the context of marriage. This means that the moment whatever you are doing stops being a conscious act of affection and become need that wants satisfaction, it's time to stop.

 

[natlewer]

God intended us to satisfy our sexual desires only within the context of marriage. This means that the moment whatever you are doing stops being a conscious act of affection and become need that wants satisfaction, it's time to stop.

I really like this outlook.

 

[JWBZ SVT]

For me holding hands, kissing, snuggling/lying together on a sofa watching a movie are fine but anything beyond that is taking it too far.

 

[churchgoer123]

Well....

Lets look at the fundmental principles of WHY God has "rules" regarding relationships.

1. Teen pregnancy is a problem.

2. STD's are a problem

3. Getting too "in love" can lead to suicide if one decides to break the relationship. I mean think of it... a guy is madly in love with a girl. MADLY. and she breaks up with him, and starts dating a guy that he knows, but he really doesn't like him at all. then she gets engaged, and at the wedding reception, her old BF dances with her, and starts crying and crying cuz he is still in love with her. but there is nothing she can do, cuz she is married to someone else. and worse off, he has the following thought in his mind "she is going to be having sex with the girl i really, really love, tonight. while i lay in bed crying and crying and crying cuz i love her so much. also he has to think "she will be starting a family him, and here i am left behind, feeling lonely, depressed, etc. (THAT DOES HAPPEN, AND IT IS NOT FUNNY. THAT WOULD BE MY ULTIMATE NIGHTMARE.)

4. also, when you are with your wife / GF, and she has dated someone else and gone too far (and you know she has) the thought "i am exploring a cave that another man has been in" wanders through your mind. I would hate that, also. (sorry if that's a liitle risque)

so, all that being said, remember this... we are not under the law anymore, rather grace.

do not get like i used to be... and feel the need to confess every little thing as sin. That is somewhat "legalism"

remember... God loves you so much.... more than a guy who's madly, madly, madly, madly in love with a girl. If it is hard for the guy to get angry at the girl..... IMAGINE HOW HARD IT IS FOR GOD TO GET ANGRY AT HIS FOLLOWERS (not the ones who rebel against him though. thats another story)

 

[iminlovewithjc]

I'm 16 and I just started courting...my parents won't aloow us to be alone of course but they also won't let me hug him or hold his hand or anything....I mean I know people court differently but does it actually say anywhere that I can't hug him or hold his hand...we are always supervised and if we are together outside of the church we have to have an adult from both sides of our families there....are my parents weird? lol
I wouldn't expect to be able to kiss him but I'm just wondering. Thanx

 

[horuhe00]

....are my parents weird? lol

I think they are

As for my physical boundaries... I have always thought that holding hands, hugging, kissing, making out, feeling each other's warmth... all that is ok for me. But where I draw the line is touching in any way the girl's body parts that are different from mine.
And it took me a long time, a loooong time to finaly find that special someone. And it took over a year for us to finaly take the plunge and go for it (be a couple). On the 13th, we celebrate one month together
But, making the story simple, God told my girlfriend that she and I should only have a hello kiss, goodbye kiss, no making out, and not have so much physical contact.
After 23 years being single and not having kissed ANY girl, finding this wonderful girl which I love very much and not being able to express my love the way I've always thought I would... I feel frustrated, like a little kid sitting on a chair with his hands between his legs... If it realy was God who told her that, I wish He'd tell me too... That way I won't feel so bad since "God told me".

 

[SirKenin]

When 'dating' someone there are many different views on where the physical boundaries should lie? Now there is the spectrum: on the left there is no boundaries and on the right a person may not kiss until their wedding. Now, I have my boundaries where I think God wants them to lie. I'm just wondering about what your opinions are....

Physical Boundaries? Where do they lie? Why do they lie there?

Don't be scared to express any opinion even when it may be different than others...

Thank You and God's Peace....

That is as unique as the individual. There is no right answer to this save something that is anti-Biblical. People can tell you they have the definitive answer, but they don't. All they have is what works for them, which may not necessarily work for you.

I can promise you that my boundaries are far different than what yours would be. I am willing to bet that I live a very different life than what you live. I most likely believe much different than you do. I established my boundaries via a checklist, something I will do with any future partners that I have.

In the end you must consult the Bible and prayer and use wisdom and discretion to ascertain what's right for you.

 

[natlewer]

Life is a sexually transmitted disease

Ha ha ... i think that is an interesting way of putting it...

 

[iminlovewithjc]

yea I kinda already knew they were weird but sometimes I have to wonder if it's me cuz you know most kids think thta about their parents..but nayways thanx..
I'm not asking to makeout or even kiss him but It would be nice to at least hug him and hold his hand..little things like that are important to me..like if we see each other and i have to leave just walking away and saying bye makes me feel bad cuz it's just like I'm walking away from him...anyways...I've been proud of my decision not to date ..it gets hard sometimes though...I stay strong in prayer. Thanx again God bless

 

[Marie D]

yea I kinda already knew they were weird but sometimes I have to wonder if it's me cuz you know most kids think thta about their parents..but nayways thanx..
I'm not asking to makeout or even kiss him but It would be nice to at least hug him and hold his hand..little things like that are important to me..like if we see each other and i have to leave just walking away and saying bye makes me feel bad cuz it's just like I'm walking away from him...anyways...I've been proud of my decision not to date ..it gets hard sometimes though...I stay strong in prayer. Thanx again God bless

IMHO it's OK to hold hands with your boyfriend or kiss him as long as it doesn't lead to anything else, but it's more important to respect your parents so if they say you can't then maybe you're too young still.

 

[iminlovewithjc]

yea that's true I mean I htink they'll lighten up after they realize how serious we are about us....lol sounds confusing...I just happy that we all get along with each others families! yay It's just hard for me czu I'm an affectionate person with all people...I love hugs! lol I can't even hug him so...yea I'll live and one day it'll happen! Thanx for the advice... yayea

 

[Ginga]

With boundaries, it all depends on the couple. I think that as long as it does not lead to any sexual temptations then it is fine. Now this is going to differ from person to person. For me, i can hold hands, hug and be close to my gf, and that is the same for her. But we have agreed not to do anything else. For others it may be different, they may be able to kiss etc without lusting. It all depends on the individual.

Something else that you have to think about, is that you may be doing all of this stuff with someone else's future husband/wife. Just because you are going out with them, and you both madly love each other, even if you are engaged, it doesn't mean that you are going to get married. So i recommend that you take things slowly, cause if you don't, then everything that you do, you may be doing to someone else's spouse. Besides, the more you do before marriage, the less things will be new once you are married. So i recommend waiting till marriage before doing anything too physical, but it all depends on what you feel God calling you to do.

 

[iminlovewithjc]

I get what you're sayin and that's true..thanx...I just have to respect m parents now and when the time comes we'll be able to do that stuff...I just want God's will...It's just gets difficult sometimes cux I love to let people know i love them and hug them and stuff and it just feels weird being able to hug everybody i love except him! It's nice having some really encouraging words! Lots fo Love to you all