Where It's At?

[oceanofdreamz]

Looking at the blue sky,
I know there is more to life,
But how can I find it?
I'm lost,
In confusion,
It's not so much,
How bad I feel,
If it was just that I'd live,
But it's an inner pain,
It's like a star falling from the sky,
Tumbling down and down,
I don't want to not know the joy I use to feel,
But how can I when life goes on all around me?
But I'm stuck in quick sand sinking,
I call out for mercy,
But do I ackknowledge hope is already there?
I know I'm not strong,
I know that I'm not totally gone,
I can be restored,
But life itself seems too long to try,
To be healed from my wounds,
I know what happens,
I am seeing it go on in me,
The doubts settle,
Making you miserable,
Each day,
We walk down this road,
Hoping the end is close enoguh,
But I know it's not,
I don't want it,
The end of all things,
I just want to believe,
I want to look at the ocean,
And come to the conclusion that I am saved by the grace,
I just want to trust,
Fully in the truth,
But can I get past these roadblocks?
Can I see it the way I want to?
I know life isn't always easy,
I know it's complicated to live happily,
But it can't be that hard,
I just can't find my way,
The darkness settles in,
I am still searching for the outside,
I know my way,
I can't seem to get to it though,
Confusion takes me by strom,
All I want to do is lay down and die,
But I know there is more to life,
Than this that I can see,
Thing is I can feel the truth,
I can sense it,
But how can I get to it?
I pray,
And it's all just there,
But then I realize it's vanished,
I need life,
Again,
I know where the happiness is,
I don't want to give up,
I want to contiune trying but where is it?
I can sense it all around,
I can even feel it,
But how can I get to it?
It's hard to imagine,
In my small mind,
That I could see these things,
I thought it would be all happiness and joy,
No pain or sorrow,
I was wrong,
But can I return to joy I ask myself,
It shouldn't be that hard,
But sometimes I just want to break down and cry,
And see things the way I use to,
Cause I know it's real,
But where is it,
I can't explain these things,
Nothing can,
It's all about faith,
But do I have enough faith to witness truth?
I ask myself that everyday,
I am tearing up,
At the thought of living a lie,
I can answer my own question I know I can,
I just don't know how I can be accepted,
To the truth after what I've done,
I want to be in the truth so badly,
I would give my everything,
I ask myself,
Is it a season of testing?
Is it a season of getting me to realize that I'm not who I think I am,
Or is it more?
Life can be so hard,
I know that for a fact,
But does it have to be this hard?
Your love is still there,
I can feel it,
I know I can return,
But I can't envision,
Living happily,
I've been in this darkness for an eternity,
Being in light would be so wonderful,
I know it would,
I can feel total truth,
Returning to me,
Slowly but maybe I'll be freed,
Just a bit,
One step at a time,
I know someday,
I will be past this,
I will the see the light at the end of the tunnel,
I'll know the the one that made truly lives.