Where it all went wrong...

[DieonySuS]

I've found this to be a long drown out issue that has lasted a year. Before a year ago I was a decent christian. I follows what I could as best as I could. Then one fair day at school, something impossible happened.....

I was in a gym class and a friend of mine had been knocked down and was drowning. He was down for a while and someone saw him and I brought him up. (Sorry about if this is sad, there is a point to it.) He had died in my arms.

Ever since I've been in middle place. I wondered if god had existed. I still wonder to this day. It has been over a year and I'm still lost in my religion. I question every day what god has in store for myself and my friend. I've gone to retreats by myself and just prayeed. Listened to the sounds of the wind. And I'm still now at points where I'm seeing him int he middle of the night. And because of this I've lost alot of the faith I've had. I need help in finding my way back to where I can be happy in life and not worry about this problem.

 

[White Rabbit]

The first thing you need to get is that there IS a God. Your situation, however, is not uncommon. Why is this? The Bible says that being a Christian is not easy. Look in the book of Job, for example. He was strong in the faith and yet God took away everything he had, and his friends cursed his name. But because Job continued to believe in God, everything turned out better than it had started. Trust in God and I guarantee things will improve.

PS I'm really sorry about your friend, and I hope that he made it to Heaven. I hope this helps you a lot.

 

[Pondering]

I am sitting at this computer feeling sick after reading your post, instead of working. I'm sorry.

Have been in the middle of this before, and yet I don't know how you feel because we are all so different.
I would love to discuss this a little and put in a post, but right now I'm gonna think, have a cup of tea, and complain to God a little.

Peace somehow

Pondering

 

[Pondering]

Trust in God and I guarantee things will improve.

P.S
I genuinely mean no offence White Rabbit, but I think this is wrong. (would like to use stronger language but I don't know how different words are taken in other countries )


Pondering

 

[Pondering]

Depending on what you mean by improve I mean.

 

[White Rabbit]

Thank you, Pondering for noticing my mistake. I believe everyone should be as observant as you. However, this statement was made to encourage DieonySuS, and also, it can be interpreted however you want, but I was leaning towards the meaning that DieonySuS would feel better and come back fully to the faith. Sorry for the confusion.

 

[Bizzlebin Imperatoris]

I believe he means spiritually. The body will see all kinds of troubles, but the spirit with God will be at peace.

 

[Blessed-one]

thread moved into the christian struggle forum.

faith is believing in the unseen. There are times when it feels like God is so far away from us. I've dug up some threads here that you might find useful:
http://www.christianforums.com/t676564&highlight=faith
http://www.christianforums.com/t94357&highlight=faith

 

[fallen^sparrow]

Having someone die in your arms is always a very life changing experience... having someone so close to you physically ... but yet so hopelessly far away, and theres literally nothing you can do to bring them back Life is so incredibly fragile and fleeting... facts most people don't remember in the day to day hustle of their lives. We are never at any point but a breath away from being with God... and He is totally in control of when that moment comes with everyone. God evidently wanted to show you something if He involved you so personally in your school mates death... be patient. If you doubt the existance of God ... ask Him for strength and wisdom and that His will be done in your life, have faith and wait on Him.

fallen^sparrow

 

[Mr.Cheese]

God is something completely different from our feelings and emotions.

An experience like this is going to leave some damage and I can't tell you that it will all heal.

God has a way of using experiences like this to help other people in one way or another.

For now, believe and trust. Things will happen when you exercise faith in adversity.

 

[Pondering]

When struggling after experiencing friends death, and again after spending time with street kids in Durban who had 'things taken from them they didn't even know they had,' I struggled with what I believed, and why. Some of the encouragment I had suggested that it had happened for the good, and that things would get better. (Sorry for the misunderstanding White Rabbit, thats what was in my head.)

One part of my running away involved time with christians in 2/3 world poverty. (Don't want this to be personal history but it might explain where I am coming from.) So much of the theology that I experience in the west has an underling assumption that God should make life good, or comfortable. Their's didn't. Although we talk about the 'fall' we don't take it into serious enough account. The same goes for 'powers and principalities,' not usually considerd to the extent that although God wanted to answer Daniels prayer, and sent the answer, the Prince of Persia got in the way. We live behind enemy lines for a short while. Christians starve to death in 2/3 world countries at the same rate non christians do, while in the west we thanks God for helping us find our car keys and read in our Gospels not to worry for 'all these things will be added unto you.' For my experience, I was able to move on and grieve and wail at how much life sucks sometimes without it effecting my relationship with God when my theology took into account the above, and my expectation about what God was and wasn't responsible for changed.

 

[Rage4Christ]

DieonySuS, Wow. What an experience. Your feelings are telling you something. When you are ready you will progress, but I don't think you'll ever stop worrying and thinking about this. It is part of your life now, but it is up to you how you're going to respond to these emotions. Death and dealing with death is part of growing wisdom. Having such a close contact with death so early in yourlife is going to leave a mark. Most people grow to adulthood, and then deal with death of parents when they have experienced life and found their identity in the world.

You don't have that luxury. So go easy on yourself-- don't expect this to be easy. It shouldn't be easy. This is one of the harsh parts of life, and now you have to confront it.

Remember, God loves you unconditionally. Even if you don't feel God now, or ever again (i struggled with skepticism for many years) that love will remain.

Take time to 'become' yourself. This sounds like one of those life altering events. There is no crystal ball to say what sort of person you will become. That is your choice. Christ can help you in that regard, but if you're not ready for that, or don't feel it-- your best efforts to understand these emotions will do fine.

It will take time. If you feel overwhelmed don't despair. Give it time.

 

[TheOriginalWhitehorse]

I've found this to be a long drown out issue that has lasted a year. Before a year ago I was a decent christian. I follows what I could as best as I could. Then one fair day at school, something impossible happened.....

I was in a gym class and a friend of mine had been knocked down and was drowning. He was down for a while and someone saw him and I brought him up. (Sorry about if this is sad, there is a point to it.) He had died in my arms.

Ever since I've been in middle place. I wondered if god had existed. I still wonder to this day. It has been over a year and I'm still lost in my religion. I question every day what god has in store for myself and my friend. I've gone to retreats by myself and just prayeed. Listened to the sounds of the wind. And I'm still now at points where I'm seeing him int he middle of the night. And because of this I've lost alot of the faith I've had. I need help in finding my way back to where I can be happy in life and not worry about this problem.

First of all, I'm really sorry for your suffering. This will take time to work through-no doubt about it. But God can and certainly will work through this situation. One thing this can do is highlight the importance of the afterlife. Now more than ever, this can become a catalyst to throw everything you have into your relationship with God.

While you couldn't choose what happened with your friend, you can choose how it will impact your life.

Blessings,
Whitehorse

 

[wow]

I've found this to be a long drown out issue that has lasted a year. Before a year ago I was a decent christian. I follows what I could as best as I could. Then one fair day at school, something impossible happened.....

I was in a gym class and a friend of mine had been knocked down and was drowning. He was down for a while and someone saw him and I brought him up. (Sorry about if this is sad, there is a point to it.) He had died in my arms.

Ever since I've been in middle place. I wondered if god had existed. I still wonder to this day. It has been over a year and I'm still lost in my religion. I question every day what god has in store for myself and my friend. I've gone to retreats by myself and just prayeed. Listened to the sounds of the wind. And I'm still now at points where I'm seeing him int he middle of the night. And because of this I've lost alot of the faith I've had. I need help in finding my way back to where I can be happy in life and not worry about this problem.

I urge you to discuss your feelings with someone in whom you can confide and, if possible, to get some grief counseling. Your reactions are completely normal given the circumstances. And you should know that it is quite common for professional rescue personnel to receive counseling and treatment for similar issues. Don't punish yourself because something tragic happened that you could not control. Life is good and your Father God wants you to live a full and happy life. He was there with you when these events occurred and He is there with you every time you relive these events - whether waking or sleeping. Know that and welcome His presence.