Where is the cuddling line?

[JesusSaves623]

I am in a relationship with a girl who has some different opinions than me as to what can and can't be done before marriage. We both agree that sex before marriage is too far and we plan on waiting. I told her I wanted to wait until marriage for kissing too, but she thought that was too long and we agreed on engagement. I am just so confused though as to where to draw the line with cuddling. We have never gone to the point of taking our clothes off but we have done other things that I think might be too far (times that she could probably feel my genitals through my pants). I have apologized when I have let things get out of hand and she has been respectful and has accepted my apologies. But last night when we were cuddling I was determined not to let things get out of hand like I felt they have in the past. I let her know that while we were cuddling and she blew up on me saying that I need to stop drawing lines and that we can go further with cuddling. She said that she wants a boyfriend not just a friend. I am just so confused and not really sure where to draw the line. I know the Bible is very gray on this topic so it's hard to know. Thanks for the help.

 

[Poppyseed78]

How long were you dating? Do you intend to marry your girlfriend? It sounds like she felt offended when you told her you wanted to keep things from getting out of hand. I think it's normal and natural to want some physical affection in a relationship, but you have to agree on what is appropriate for you as a couple. Have you prayed about it together? Did you discuss this with anyone, like a pastor, to see what advice they have to offer?

I do think that there should be a line that you both agree not to cross, and you should try to avoid temptation. But at the same time, if you go by the slippery slope rule, then you'll end up not being able to even sit in the same room together to talk: If talking leads to holding hands, and holding hands leads to cuddling, and cuddling leads to kissing, and kissing leads to sex, then apparently talking is dangerous, so you should never even speak to a female before marriage.

You see where I'm going with this, it can get pretty extreme. I would suggest a gentle approach to talking about this with your girlfriend. Say that you care about her, and it's precisely because you care that you want to avoid going too far physically. Let the conversation go from there. Communication is key, so I encourage you to talk about this so you can figure out a solution that works for you both.

 

[Jim Langston]

I am in a relationship with a girl who has some different opinions than me as to what can and can't be done before marriage. We both agree that sex before marriage is too far and we plan on waiting. I told her I wanted to wait until marriage for kissing too, but she thought that was too long and we agreed on engagement. I am just so confused though as to where to draw the line with cuddling. We have never gone to the point of taking our clothes off but we have done other things that I think might be too far (times that she could probably feel my genitals through my pants). I have apologized when I have let things get out of hand and she has been respectful and has accepted my apologies. But last night when we were cuddling I was determined not to let things get out of hand like I felt they have in the past. I let her know that while we were cuddling and she blew up on me saying that I need to stop drawing lines and that we can go further with cuddling. She said that she wants a boyfriend not just a friend. I am just so confused and not really sure where to draw the line. I know the Bible is very gray on this topic so it's hard to know. Thanks for the help.

I am fairly sure you know where the line is and it sounds like your line is appropriate.

It can be said that Adam ate the fruit because He loved Eve and did not want her to die alone. Then Adam's sin could be considered to be loving Eve more than he loved God.

So, who do you love more, your fiancee who wants to do more or God who wants you to wait?

 

[dysert]

You're right -- it's a fuzzy line. At least you both agree to wait until sex. That's the biggie. Anything short of that should be negotiated. Imo you just want to restrict yourselves so that you won't be tempted to cross the line. Before we were engaged my future wife and I cuddled with virtually no holds barred except for crossing the line. We had no problems.

 

[thesunisout]

I am in a relationship with a girl who has some different opinions than me as to what can and can't be done before marriage. We both agree that sex before marriage is too far and we plan on waiting. I told her I wanted to wait until marriage for kissing too, but she thought that was too long and we agreed on engagement. I am just so confused though as to where to draw the line with cuddling. We have never gone to the point of taking our clothes off but we have done other things that I think might be too far (times that she could probably feel my genitals through my pants). I have apologized when I have let things get out of hand and she has been respectful and has accepted my apologies. But last night when we were cuddling I was determined not to let things get out of hand like I felt they have in the past. I let her know that while we were cuddling and she blew up on me saying that I need to stop drawing lines and that we can go further with cuddling. She said that she wants a boyfriend not just a friend. I am just so confused and not really sure where to draw the line. I know the Bible is very gray on this topic so it's hard to know. Thanks for the help.

Don't do anything you wouldn't do if someone else was in the room, and you'll be fine. You'll know when you're doing things from sexual excitement or from love. If you're sexually stimulating eachother, you're going too far. If cuddling is doing that, don't do it. If kissing is doing that, don't do it.

Let your girlfriend know that you are honoring the Lord in your relationship, and that is the priority. If she doesn't agree then maybe you should have a deeper talk with her about your expectations for this relationship. Pray and let the Lord guide you. God bless.

 

[Greg J.]

Don't do anything you wouldn't do if someone else was in the room, and you'll be fine.

I think this is a great way to test behavior. My own version is to not do anything that you wouldn't want on the front page of tomorrow's newspaper.

However, in terms of understanding your girlfriend, perhaps you want to think about (and talk to her about) what the word "affection" means.

 

[dayhiker]

Sounds like you need to expand the conversation beyond just not having sex before marriage. Cuddling to me means one doesn't touch the other were a bikini cloth would be. Maybe talk to see is there a difference between making out and cuddling.

 

[Wunderlust]

I am in a relationship with a girl who has some different opinions than me as to what can and can't be done before marriage. We both agree that sex before marriage is too far and we plan on waiting. I told her I wanted to wait until marriage for kissing too, but she thought that was too long and we agreed on engagement. I am just so confused though as to where to draw the line with cuddling. We have never gone to the point of taking our clothes off but we have done other things that I think might be too far (times that she could probably feel my genitals through my pants). I have apologized when I have let things get out of hand and she has been respectful and has accepted my apologies. But last night when we were cuddling I was determined not to let things get out of hand like I felt they have in the past. I let her know that while we were cuddling and she blew up on me saying that I need to stop drawing lines and that we can go further with cuddling. She said that she wants a boyfriend not just a friend. I am just so confused and not really sure where to draw the line. I know the Bible is very gray on this topic so it's hard to know. Thanks for the help.

Neither of you should do anything you do not feel comfortable with. If you think about it, what you do is not as important as what you MAKE the other person do.

Few things:
- If you are looking at justification of certain behaviors, you can play that game all day. I am not advocating that you should have sex before marriage to test things out, or not hold hands until before getting married. You have to ask yourself and seek in prayer what you feel comfortable with.

- When she says she wants a boyfriend, what does she mean? Does that fit your definition of a boyfriend? For her, a boyfriend might be someone to experiment and have fun with... while you think a relationship is about testing compatibility for marriage.

- Or maybe you are both young and just confused. Be respectful and talk.

 

[bigo1984]

Is she a Christian?

 

[JesusSaves623]

Thanks guys for all the responses. I know this was a long time ago. I ended up deciding to end the relationship with her. She said she was a Christian but it was hard for me to believe it. I basically mean that it did not seem like we were on the same page as far as growing closer to God. It seemed like I was the only one that wanted to do that. Unfortunately, for me, she started dating someone pretty soon after I broke it off and she is still with that guy. As hard as that is, I know I made the right decision.

 

[dayhiker]

Thanks for coming back and updating us about your story.