Where do you turn for help?

[Man-Doo]

I have been in prayer for help for some time now and have become very discouraged.
I recently seperated from my wife of 13 years married with two children after feeling completely helpless to fact that both of us have became so very different. It sometimes seems as thou we hardly even know each other but at other times we know each other better then we know ourselves.
I have also discovered her having an affair. I guess my anitual thought was that of relief. I had failed her in the past and had always felt as though I was always in-suffiant in our relationship. I guess I felt as though I was in someway redeamed by this admitted failure in her part.
Recently I have been trying fruitlessly to find help with my stuggles but have found that people arent so willing to be involved in such a sensative situation, especially my christian friends.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Southern Cross]

You need a good counselor. Soemtimes it takes a while to find the right one. A good counselor is not someone who tells you what you want to hear. They should challenge you, confront you, make you look at yourself before you look at your wife's faults. They'll also do the same thing with your wife if she's willing to go to the same counselor.

It took me three tries before I found a counselor that actually challenged all my preconceived notions on what was right and wrong in our marriage.

I also had the support of a strong married couple from our church. They had a heart for struggling couples and really stepped in to help set us straight.

I should add that after all the couseling and support, our marriage still came to the brink of divorce. But we've survived by the grace of God and things are better now.

Hang in there - don't give up.

 

[Svt4Him]

You will survive. I know in the midst of a storm that's not much help, but I can tell you it does and will get better for you.

 

[christalee4]

I have been in prayer for help for some time now and have become very discouraged.
I recently seperated from my wife of 13 years married with two children after feeling completely helpless to fact that both of us have became so very different. It sometimes seems as thou we hardly even know each other but at other times we know each other better then we know ourselves.
I have also discovered her having an affair. I guess my anitual thought was that of relief. I had failed her in the past and had always felt as though I was always in-suffiant in our relationship. I guess I felt as though I was in someway redeamed by this admitted failure in her part.
Recently I have been trying fruitlessly to find help with my stuggles but have found that people arent so willing to be involved in such a sensative situation, especially my christian friends.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

The advice to go for counseling by an objective party is a given. Take the other poster's word for it and actively look for one now. Thirteen years is a long time in a marriage. Plus there are your children and the discovery about your wife's. That is a big burden to carry. With the help of the counselor, you are going to want to seek what love you have left for your wife and hopefully nuture it again. She should also go to counseling too - there is a lot at stake! Is there is a male discussion group in your church or community that you might consider attending- sometimes the support of other brothers (also objective support) may be very healing. The problem with getting friends or family involved in your struggle is that some people may be hesitant to take sides.