Where do I start?

[Peripatetic]

I suppose I'm not a Christian now. I struggle with the notion that Christianity feels like it preaches self-loathing.

Interestingly enough, it tends to go the opposite way. The secular, worldly default position is self-oriented. They to absorb their own glory and honor, but ultimately feel empty and discontent. They try to fill that gap with more things, money, or sex. Eventually that doesn't fulfill either, and its back to the pursuit of power and prestige which only brings short periods of self-satisfaction.

Unfortunately, some Christians do have self-loathing, but that is because they allow themselves to fall into the trap of condemnation, which is not from God. Condemnation tears down, but conviction (which is from God) builds up - kind of like a good coach.

Christians with a Biblical perspective are more focused on others rather than self. Their self-worth comes from being adopted into God's family and the opportunities that they have to affect the lives of others. Instead of being glory-seekers, they give it (or accept it with humility when it does come their way). They too have sadness and suffering, but there is a more constant center of joy that is missing from the fleeting pleasures of the worldly.

As others have told you, reading the Bible cover-to-cover is not a good idea. I did it once, but only after I was very familiar with it. I'd read Mark first to get a quick run through the life of Jesus. It's kind of the "action movie" gospel, and very accessible. Then I'd go on to John, which is probably the richest book of the Bible. Then Romans, which could be a text book on how to live a Christian life. Then go back and read Genesis and Exodus. From there, maybe alternate between OT and NT, but I would read Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy last. Rather than reading Psalms straight through, I'd break it up and read them as interludes in between chapters... you'll get more out of it that way.

 

[dysert]

I suppose I'm not a Christian now. I struggle with the notion that Christianity feels like it preaches self-loathing.

I think Christianity is more of a "then versus now" thing. On the one hand, without Christ we are doomed sinners whose even best efforts at life are like filthy rags (Isa. 64:6). The "self-loathing" is really just the Holy Spirit convicting us that we fall short of the standards of an infinitely holy God. The good news is, though, that with Christ we are reborn so that even though our sins may be as scarlet they are covered to the point that they become white as snow (Isa. 1:18). We become children of the King, a royal priesthood (1 Pet. 2:9).

 

[versesvsvices]

Interestingly enough, it tends to go the opposite way. The secular, worldly default position is self-oriented. They to absorb their own glory and honor, but ultimately feel empty and discontent. They try to fill that gap with more things, money, or sex. Eventually that doesn't fulfill either, and its back to the pursuit of power and prestige which only brings short periods of self-satisfaction.

I disagree. I'm only interested in a life full of love.

Thank you both for your advice today. Right now my reading is slow-going (I've read Matthew 1-17), but I didn't put a time limit on myself so it's nice.