- Apr 17, 2022
- 56
- 63
- 56
- Country
- United States
- Gender
- Male
- Faith
- Non-Denom
- Marital Status
- Single
- Politics
- US-Libertarian
Bear with me for a while, here, please, y'all. I don't get to talk about this often, if at all, and please let me get a few things off of my chest.
The problem I've had throughout my life is that I appear to be nobody's type at all. To start with, I'm not a traditional "macho/alpha" male type, always have been more the sensitive/artsy/intensely nerdy sort throughout my life (though I am discovering that oh yeah...I do have masculinity buried in here somewhere), for one thing. That alone has always been an obstacle for me in life, and has led to me making a lot of poor decisions in the realm of relationships. As in we nerdy guys kind of have to take what we can get, and I let desperation do the thinking for me enough times that I truly regret that happening.
In full disclosure, it didn't help that I didn't have a strong and positive male role model in my household as a boy and teenager, or a supportive mother. My father got roped into marriage and parenthood when he was just shy of 19, and instead of bucking up and doing his best for me and for my sister, he aggressively pursued his dreams of rock stardom. While he did work for a living and provide for us in that realm? He also was all about his doings in the music scene and business, including rampant philandering on my mother. All I learned from him in that realm was how to be an irresponsible rock star wannabe who didn't know the first thing about how to be faithful and committed to one woman. Because of this influence, I wasted most all my youth on believing in the fool notion of "polyamory", thinking it would get me laid more often--and learning the hard way that this was not the case in the least. That foolishness and immaturity on my end contributed to the end of my one and only marriage 15 years ago (along with my ex being legitimately crazy in a bad way).
That was the wind up, here's the pitch; at age 53, even though I work a steady job and have for 20+ years now, and now that I feel as though I have a much better and stronger grip on the ideal of fidelity and commitment? Why do I feel as though it's a futile effort to try and find someone special? It appears to me that modern women have gone insane with hatred for men and are trying their level best to be men as opposed to being women, trying hard to compete with us and not understand the notions of reciprocity and equality that they are always talking about.
Further, all the women who are into the things I'm into (sci-fi, fantasy, tabletop gaming, etc.) these days are either young enough to be my daughter or they're weighed down by their own baggage that makes them undesirable. Which is not to say I don't have baggage on my end--trust me, I do. It doesn't help that two little words back in 2018 led to the total collapse of relations between men and women ("ME TOO") since they were used as an excuse to mount a weaponized witch hunt against men in general.
I'm also too blunt and unfiltered for my own good. I've been known to tell people "Ask me anything, but be warned--I might answer." And most of the time, people can't handle me being honest and shooting from the hip. I'm no stranger to tact--and that's been a hard won struggle on my part in life--but since when did honesty between men and women turn into women meaning "Tell me what I want to hear, OR ELSE," when they tell a man "Be honest with me"? Or has it always been that way and I'm only now noticing this fact of life? I'm not about to spend the rest of my life being wrong all the time just to stay with someone who thinks she deserves everything without giving anything in return and cannot appreciate a man who will seriously tell her what he thinks. Refer to Proverbs 21:9 as to how I feel about that.
What's more, I'm not a kid person. I've never at any point seriously wanted to father children--and never have--for a few reasons, mostly because I know in my heart I'm not cut out for it. But yet it's all about "Be fruitful and multiply," and finding someone who feels the same way I do is difficult at best. "Oh, it's different when they're your own kids," doesn't hack it with me, either. I can handle kids in small doses at best; 24/7 would drive me insane in short order. I even--forgive the TMI--got a vasectomy 11 years ago because of that, among other reasons.
So what's a perfectly good (if flawed and imperfect) fellow my age to do? It seems to me that unless I am what women want--a caricature that only exists in trashy romance novels--that I am doomed to be terminally single all my life. I've been single by choice for 7+ years, haven't slept with anybody in 5+ years (and admit I'm getting twitchy about that), and while it may be better for me most of the time? I'd be lying if I said part of me was at a point where I'm looking about and wondering "Why does everybody except me have Someone Special?" It could be anything, and I just needed a moment or three to vent and ask for outside input, whether I want to hear it or not. Apologies for the novel, but it had to all be said.
The problem I've had throughout my life is that I appear to be nobody's type at all. To start with, I'm not a traditional "macho/alpha" male type, always have been more the sensitive/artsy/intensely nerdy sort throughout my life (though I am discovering that oh yeah...I do have masculinity buried in here somewhere), for one thing. That alone has always been an obstacle for me in life, and has led to me making a lot of poor decisions in the realm of relationships. As in we nerdy guys kind of have to take what we can get, and I let desperation do the thinking for me enough times that I truly regret that happening.
In full disclosure, it didn't help that I didn't have a strong and positive male role model in my household as a boy and teenager, or a supportive mother. My father got roped into marriage and parenthood when he was just shy of 19, and instead of bucking up and doing his best for me and for my sister, he aggressively pursued his dreams of rock stardom. While he did work for a living and provide for us in that realm? He also was all about his doings in the music scene and business, including rampant philandering on my mother. All I learned from him in that realm was how to be an irresponsible rock star wannabe who didn't know the first thing about how to be faithful and committed to one woman. Because of this influence, I wasted most all my youth on believing in the fool notion of "polyamory", thinking it would get me laid more often--and learning the hard way that this was not the case in the least. That foolishness and immaturity on my end contributed to the end of my one and only marriage 15 years ago (along with my ex being legitimately crazy in a bad way).
That was the wind up, here's the pitch; at age 53, even though I work a steady job and have for 20+ years now, and now that I feel as though I have a much better and stronger grip on the ideal of fidelity and commitment? Why do I feel as though it's a futile effort to try and find someone special? It appears to me that modern women have gone insane with hatred for men and are trying their level best to be men as opposed to being women, trying hard to compete with us and not understand the notions of reciprocity and equality that they are always talking about.
Further, all the women who are into the things I'm into (sci-fi, fantasy, tabletop gaming, etc.) these days are either young enough to be my daughter or they're weighed down by their own baggage that makes them undesirable. Which is not to say I don't have baggage on my end--trust me, I do. It doesn't help that two little words back in 2018 led to the total collapse of relations between men and women ("ME TOO") since they were used as an excuse to mount a weaponized witch hunt against men in general.
I'm also too blunt and unfiltered for my own good. I've been known to tell people "Ask me anything, but be warned--I might answer." And most of the time, people can't handle me being honest and shooting from the hip. I'm no stranger to tact--and that's been a hard won struggle on my part in life--but since when did honesty between men and women turn into women meaning "Tell me what I want to hear, OR ELSE," when they tell a man "Be honest with me"? Or has it always been that way and I'm only now noticing this fact of life? I'm not about to spend the rest of my life being wrong all the time just to stay with someone who thinks she deserves everything without giving anything in return and cannot appreciate a man who will seriously tell her what he thinks. Refer to Proverbs 21:9 as to how I feel about that.
What's more, I'm not a kid person. I've never at any point seriously wanted to father children--and never have--for a few reasons, mostly because I know in my heart I'm not cut out for it. But yet it's all about "Be fruitful and multiply," and finding someone who feels the same way I do is difficult at best. "Oh, it's different when they're your own kids," doesn't hack it with me, either. I can handle kids in small doses at best; 24/7 would drive me insane in short order. I even--forgive the TMI--got a vasectomy 11 years ago because of that, among other reasons.
So what's a perfectly good (if flawed and imperfect) fellow my age to do? It seems to me that unless I am what women want--a caricature that only exists in trashy romance novels--that I am doomed to be terminally single all my life. I've been single by choice for 7+ years, haven't slept with anybody in 5+ years (and admit I'm getting twitchy about that), and while it may be better for me most of the time? I'd be lying if I said part of me was at a point where I'm looking about and wondering "Why does everybody except me have Someone Special?" It could be anything, and I just needed a moment or three to vent and ask for outside input, whether I want to hear it or not. Apologies for the novel, but it had to all be said.
