When you suspect someone new is a predator

[Sketcher]

There is someone new to our Bible study. We were having a car wash to raise funds, and he showed up for the first time. He's related to a good guy I know decently well. Anyway, he comes and the whole time he is blatantly hitting on one specific girl. He did not know her from before. I don't like it when anyone does that. Worse, from what came out of his own mouth, he has two children who he can't (or doesn't) pay child support for. He seems to be saved, I don't know his spiritual history so I don't know if he got saved after he left the kids or whatever. He seems to be friendly to everybody, but he is being more than just friendly with her, specifically. This has me very concerned. I would share this concern with a leader, but Jesus said that we are show the man his fault, then take two or three witnesses, then take it to the whole church before booting him. This is the passage (Matt 18:15-17) that came to my mind when praying about what to do. So how do I show him his fault? You can bet I've been praying for God to convict him and to show her that he's a bum, but that's all I've really been able to do. Trusting God to protect His daughter.

 

[jhonan]

Okay, I'm a total newbie here, so please forgive me if I've misinterpreted your post. I've read Matt 18:15-17, and fail to see how this man has trespassed against you. What has he done wrong exactly? - He's talking to a girl in your Bible study, where's the problem there? - It's not like he's mistreating her (unless I've missed something here)

Surely someone has the right to choose their own friends, and what about the girl in question, is she not capable of choosing or rejecting her own friends? Where do you come into all of this, are you related to her, or is she just a person who goes to the same group as you?

John.

 

[MrsGnomeCrusher]

Hi TS,

First of all, I think you need to ask yourself if there is any jealousy on your part. (I'm not being rude here).

I read the passage that came to your mind over this situation. I think the best thing you can do is not to make assumptions. Maybe there's a reason behind his child support. Remember, there's two sides to every story. I can understand your reaction and I can understand what you're seeing in him. I do this myself almost every day. It is something I'm working on. Do not be quick to judge.

However, I think you should follow what the passage states. "Go and show him his fault." But be tactful. Try to befriend him. See what's going on. Who knows what the outcome will be.

 

[desi]

If I felt as you do I would ask others in the group if they noticed as much and if they did go with them to the church leaders with your concerns. I am one to judge others by their actions. If a man admits to not supporting children he has he has no business pursuing another woman as he has proven himself a failure in an important area of life- which he is likey to repeat with anyone else he gets involved with. I could be way off and people can change but if she was my daughter I would be indebted to you if you spoke up.

 

[bkg]

If you have an issue with this person, talk to him first. Period.
Then bring support and discuss it with him.
Then bring the church.

In that order.

I think there's a lot of missing information here. There may be very specific reasons he doesn't pay child support, so I'm not exactly sure why you are jumping to conclusions... especially calling him a Predator???? Be careful to rush to judgement.... especially w/o the entire story.

 

[tapero]

I was stalked by a violent ex-boyfriend at church and everywhere else. I was a new Christian and felt compelled to be kind. What a mistake. I told my pastor. I don't recall what action he took, but he was totally supportive of me, and not this creepy ex-boyfriend.

This stuff happens at church a lot. Pastors will ask people to leave if they are deemed a possible danger. They have to or they can be sued if something happens. They can be sued either way I guess.

I don't know if you feel validity to your feelings, but do not be afraid to go to someone in leadership and share your concerns.

By the way, the 'Christian' brother that was stalking me also tried to snap my neck.

I don't need to bring any witnesses to testify against him. I almost lost my life. Some things don't apply in certain situations.

Take care, Tapero

 

[Gabriel]

The verse you refer to are talking about someone sinning against you. They don't apply in this case. Listen, God does not expect you to sit silently when you arte concerned about something like this. Tell a leader how you feel. Pick the right leader. Don't go to the wishy washy one, go to the one who will take you seriously. Find out the guy's name and run a check on him over the net. The state you live in has a website where you can check and see if someone is listed as a sexual predator. Make someone aware of this situation without causing a big stir. You may be wrong and if so you don't want to cause people to look at him as a criminal, but you may be right and will want others to be watching as well.

 

[tapero]

Amen Gabriel

 

[MrsGnomeCrusher]

Wow, I think both tapero and gabriel are jumping to conclusions with this guy. Yeah, it's better to be safe than sorry and if you're instincts are telling you to be weary, be weary.

However, you're quickly turning this guy into a sexual preditor just because he's giving attention to a female in the group. NONE of us here, besides TS, knows what's going on. We don't have a the full story to make any assumptions. No one is telling him to be silent, but I think he needs to follow the "chain of command" in this situation. Something exactly like bkg mentioned above.

There is a such a thing of watching your back and watching the back of others. But to instantly point this guy out of a crowd when you have no idea what really is going on is really sad.

 

[Gabriel]

Wow, I think both tapero and gabriel are jumping to conclusions with this guy. Yeah, it's better to be safe than sorry and if you're instincts are telling you to be weary, be weary.

However, you're quickly turning this guy into a sexual preditor just because he's giving attention to a female in the group. NONE of us here, besides TS, knows what's going on. We don't have a the full story to make any assumptions. No one is telling him to be silent, but I think he needs to follow the "chain of command" in this situation. Something exactly like bkg mentioned above.

There is a such a thing of watching your back and watching the back of others. But to instantly point this guy out of a crowd when you have no idea what really is going on is really sad.

Did you actually read my post? I never said he was anything. I said if you have a bad feeling, check it out and make another person aware.

 

[MrsGnomeCrusher]

Did you actually read my post? I never said he was anything. I said if you have a bad feeling, check it out and make another person aware.

Umm, yeah, I did. Let me refresh here:

Tell a leader how you feel. Pick the right leader. Don't go to the wishy washy one, go to the one who will take you seriously. Find out the guy's name and run a check on him over the net. The state you live in has a website where you can check and see if someone is listed as a sexual predator. Make someone aware of this situation without causing a big stir. You may be wrong and if so you don't want to cause people to look at him as a criminal, but you may be right and will want others to be watching as well.

How can you say, go to your leader, run a check on him to see if he's a sexual predator and not cause a big stir?? You're telling him not to cause people to label him as a criminal, but you already did!

If you cannot confront the guy head on--as the situation doesn't seem like a life threatening situation--then you ARE making a big stir about it. It sounds as Mr. TS doesn't really know this man and is making assumptions. Unless he knows more about the whole situation, knows more about the man in quesiton here, then I think he's flying off the handle.

 

[Gabriel]

Tell a leader how you feel. Pick the right leader. Don't go to the wishy washy one, go to the one who will take you seriously. No one will know about this but him and the leader. Hardly a big stir in my book.

Find out the guy's name and run a check on him over the net. No one will know about this but the person running the check. Again, hardly a stir.

You may be wrong and if so you don't want to cause people to look at him as a criminal This advises descretion.

but you may be right and will want others to be watching as well. "Others" being the leader you chose to speak with.

As a father, a youth leader and an officer of the church I pray that your attitude is one held by a minority in my church. In a perfect world concern would be silly and unwarranted. We are not in a perfect world. What I find strange is how you judge our suggestions so harshly. This person is obviously exhibiting behavior that is enough of a cause for concern that the OP took the time to be think it over, start a thread and ask for advise. It seems strange to me that your concern is greater for the person in question than it is for the youth around him. Quiet observation and a little private research is all I suggested. Why does that bother you so much?

 

[MrsGnomeCrusher]

As a father, a youth leader and an officer of the church I pray that your attitude is one held by a minority in my church. In a perfect world concern would be silly and unwarranted. We are not in a perfect world. What I find strange is how you judge our suggestions so harshly. This person is obviously exhibiting behavior that is enough of a cause for concern that the OP took the time to be think it over, start a thread and ask for advise. It seems strange to me that your concern is greater for the person in question than it is for the youth around him. Quiet observation and a little private research is all I suggested. Why does that bother you so much?

First of all, please don't put words into my mouth. I am not stating that we are living in a perfect world and I know what's out there--I haven't lived in a rose garden. You find it strange that I have harsh judgements against you? My "judgements" aren't harsh--they're not even judgements. They're my opinions on how to handle the situation. Don't you think you're making quick judgements against the person TS is talking about when you have no idea what the situation is?

You have not witnessed this man and his actions against this group of people. You are basically ignorant of this entire situation.

This person is obviously exhibiting behavior that is enough of a cause for concern that the OP took the time to be think it over, start a thread and ask for advise.

That's one big assumption based on one man's opinion. If you were standing there watching the situation then you'd be able to say that the man was "obviously exhibiting behavior that is enough of a cause for concern . . ."

Why does it bother me so much? Are you suggesting I have something to hide myself? If that's the case, I expect an apology because you, sir, do not know me. If you have any questions, feel free to come forward and ask. I'll give you answers to judge me on--although you have no right to. Or rather, go run a background check on me.

It bothers me because you were so quick to jump in and make a judgement against this man. When I became a Christian it was your type that scared the daylights out of me. You are the type that made me feel uneasy as I walked into church. I have been judged by many people such as you just for walking upon this earth and I despise the way I let people such as you make me feel. And I'm working on that.

So basically if I was a man who showed interest in a woman, I'd automatically be thought of as a sexual preditor? Guess what little freedoms I do have left in this country are out the door. So I shall end this conversation here. TS, read everyone's opinion based on your post and pray to God for guidence. For it's Him that has the answers. Not anyone here.

 

[Gabriel]

Wow, calm down there, killer. I never insinuated anything about you ar your past or whatever you're thinking. You got me all wrong. You're hollering at me acting like I'm the bad guy or something. All I said was, "Watch him, tell someone you trust, check up on your feelings." I never said I thought the guy was anything other than worthy of a look. Nor did I say anything about you or your character.

Why does it bother me so much? Are you suggesting I have something to hide myself? If that's the case, I expect an apology because you, sir, do not know me. If you have any questions, feel free to come forward and ask. I'll give you answers to judge me on--although you have no right to. Or rather, go run a background check on me.

Actually, you are accusing me of many things, I have accused you of nothing. I said be aware and you jumped on me like white on rice. Then you go on to tell me that "people like me" made you feel uneasy in church. You don't know me from Adam. I counsel people, greet newcomers, work with our youth and am well known and liked at my church. If anyone owes anyone an apology it is you owing me. It is obvious that the chip on your shoulder is causing you great distress. I will pray it falls off soon.

 

[MrsGnomeCrusher]

I am calm. I'm just stating my opinion.

And I indicated that I'm through with this conversation. We'll agree to disagree. Pray if you'd like, butI have no chips on my shoulders bearing me great distress.

I have no more to say on this.

 

[Gabriel]

So I guess that's a no on the apology, eh?

 

[La Bonita Zorilla]

I said if you have a bad feeling, check it out and make another person aware.

That is very sound advice, Gabriel.

 

[rainbowprism]

Why don't you figure a way to nonchalantly ask the guy you know that he's related to about him?

Also, does this girl that is on the recieving end of his attention seem uncomfortable by this? Is what he's doing something that seems to bother her?