hisbloodformysins
He's my best friend
- Nov 3, 2003
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Sethsmommy
I can just feel your pain. I can just imagine how hurt and rejected, and unloved you must feel. It sounds like your hubby is truly being selfish, however, you cannot change or convict, and I know you probably already know that, and that you are doing your best, but sometimes it just gets to hurtful and you need to vent. I can personally empathise with how it feels to also be in that kind of situation, full of hurt and needing, something, then coming here to a christian site and feeling attacked, unsupported, cold responses that basically tell you that you are in the wrong. It's hard during those times to not feel defensive, and to still be the mature one and to look at it all through the eyes of rationality and love... speaking from experiance here. I just wanted you to know that I certainly feel your pain.
I want to encourage you to keep looking to God as I know you will. I hope this is just reaffirmation to you and helps you feel energized again.
I have a problem with porn, and it's interesting that it hurts my hubby..... I actually would be absolutely devestated if it were my hubby, but luckily he just is not interested in it... he knows better. I do have problems with attraction, and I don't know if that actually contributes or not..... I blame it on that when I can't think of another rationalle explanation, I wish hubby and I did not have the intimacy problems we have.....
However, when I first opened self up to porn, was the last time I was pregnant and hormones were raging, and it was always an idea on my mind, then one day we stayed at a hotel that had those extra stations, the soft kind, and i watched, and was hooked....... I thought "I'm a christian...... I'll be ok, this won't be a problem for me...." However, it is just now a few years later, after learning the hard way, that I realize why so many ppl say stay away from it. Because it's addicting, it offers an immediate rush, kind of like what drugs would to a drug addict. With all my empty feelings, the temptation or thought comes to my mind "oh, do this, it'll feel good" and it always does.... I prefer this over hubby sometimes, not because I'm satisfying a sexual need, rather I'm fulfilling a hole with it, just like an overeater with food, smoker with ciggarettes, and a drug user with drugs. And I wish now I never opened the door, because I'm having a hard time walking away.
If it were my hubby in it, I'd be devestated.... I'm already very sensitive about adultery of any kind. However, it might help you if you can do this, if you can try to think of it as something that has nothing to do with emotional attachment or love, that it doesn't have to do with a lack of attraction for you. I'm not saying it won't still hurt.... but try to think of it with a well rounded judgement..... do you really sense that it's because your hubby is not attracted to you and he's looking for someone more appealing to the eye? Or is he just trying to fill a void, trying to fill a life of stress, lack of enjoyment.... like boredom (major problem for me). If you can see that it's not something personal, it might help you not feel so hurt. Also, sounds like your hubby is "treating you badly" treating you like a child, not giving you love, affection, attention, thinking about your needs.... and on top of all this he's indulging in porn and masturbating.... I can see how you would feel deeply unloved and rejected. So it is in every relationship. You can chose to feel sorry for yourself, or you can chose to seek God in your suffering and love him anyways, like you've already been doing. Though my hubby does not touch, there are a lot of times when he just doesn't listen to me, doesn't care about what's important to me, when he just wants to talk about the whether and I have a severe need to have nice, long, quality conversations... a lot of times I feel alone, and well, just lacking..... but, I've learned through experiance that dwelling on it does not do me any good. I hope you understand what I mean. I'm not saying you're wrong for feeling the way you do, you'll see me coming here venting and expressing negative feelings also from time to time, because shoot, we're human..... sometimes it's hard to be the strong one all the time. I hope you two can work this out. Keep loving him and doing your part, and trusting God to work what only he can in your hubby, like you've been doing...... I've also seen good results by doing this, and it sounds like it might be happening with you being how your hubby is taking initiative to apologize and work things out. That's a good sign. God Bless you sister. May you find comfort and peace, in our lord of course. God Bless.
HB
I can just feel your pain. I can just imagine how hurt and rejected, and unloved you must feel. It sounds like your hubby is truly being selfish, however, you cannot change or convict, and I know you probably already know that, and that you are doing your best, but sometimes it just gets to hurtful and you need to vent. I can personally empathise with how it feels to also be in that kind of situation, full of hurt and needing, something, then coming here to a christian site and feeling attacked, unsupported, cold responses that basically tell you that you are in the wrong. It's hard during those times to not feel defensive, and to still be the mature one and to look at it all through the eyes of rationality and love... speaking from experiance here. I just wanted you to know that I certainly feel your pain.
I want to encourage you to keep looking to God as I know you will. I hope this is just reaffirmation to you and helps you feel energized again.
I have a problem with porn, and it's interesting that it hurts my hubby..... I actually would be absolutely devestated if it were my hubby, but luckily he just is not interested in it... he knows better. I do have problems with attraction, and I don't know if that actually contributes or not..... I blame it on that when I can't think of another rationalle explanation, I wish hubby and I did not have the intimacy problems we have.....
However, when I first opened self up to porn, was the last time I was pregnant and hormones were raging, and it was always an idea on my mind, then one day we stayed at a hotel that had those extra stations, the soft kind, and i watched, and was hooked....... I thought "I'm a christian...... I'll be ok, this won't be a problem for me...." However, it is just now a few years later, after learning the hard way, that I realize why so many ppl say stay away from it. Because it's addicting, it offers an immediate rush, kind of like what drugs would to a drug addict. With all my empty feelings, the temptation or thought comes to my mind "oh, do this, it'll feel good" and it always does.... I prefer this over hubby sometimes, not because I'm satisfying a sexual need, rather I'm fulfilling a hole with it, just like an overeater with food, smoker with ciggarettes, and a drug user with drugs. And I wish now I never opened the door, because I'm having a hard time walking away.
If it were my hubby in it, I'd be devestated.... I'm already very sensitive about adultery of any kind. However, it might help you if you can do this, if you can try to think of it as something that has nothing to do with emotional attachment or love, that it doesn't have to do with a lack of attraction for you. I'm not saying it won't still hurt.... but try to think of it with a well rounded judgement..... do you really sense that it's because your hubby is not attracted to you and he's looking for someone more appealing to the eye? Or is he just trying to fill a void, trying to fill a life of stress, lack of enjoyment.... like boredom (major problem for me). If you can see that it's not something personal, it might help you not feel so hurt. Also, sounds like your hubby is "treating you badly" treating you like a child, not giving you love, affection, attention, thinking about your needs.... and on top of all this he's indulging in porn and masturbating.... I can see how you would feel deeply unloved and rejected. So it is in every relationship. You can chose to feel sorry for yourself, or you can chose to seek God in your suffering and love him anyways, like you've already been doing. Though my hubby does not touch, there are a lot of times when he just doesn't listen to me, doesn't care about what's important to me, when he just wants to talk about the whether and I have a severe need to have nice, long, quality conversations... a lot of times I feel alone, and well, just lacking..... but, I've learned through experiance that dwelling on it does not do me any good. I hope you understand what I mean. I'm not saying you're wrong for feeling the way you do, you'll see me coming here venting and expressing negative feelings also from time to time, because shoot, we're human..... sometimes it's hard to be the strong one all the time. I hope you two can work this out. Keep loving him and doing your part, and trusting God to work what only he can in your hubby, like you've been doing...... I've also seen good results by doing this, and it sounds like it might be happening with you being how your hubby is taking initiative to apologize and work things out. That's a good sign. God Bless you sister. May you find comfort and peace, in our lord of course. God Bless.
HB
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