When should a child be not included in an inheritance? I worry about causing divisions.

[Richard.20.12]

I'd rather leave my money to Christian charities as bringing people to Christ is more important than anything. Also, a child (a young adult) of mine doesn't seem particularly interested in financial management so I worry how well it will be taken care of. They also have distanced themselves from me so I feel they really don't want much to do with me. Of course I can't find out the reason for this as they have issues with communication. But when I read the Bible it seems that most everyone left everything to their children. I surely don't want to alienate that child from Christianity (they are luke warm in that area now) because they know I strongly believe in it and may be later resentful that I let them out of my will.

Another option would be to leave something to them but leave the rest to Christian charities. But could I do this without the child knowing it? When a will is read can the people that inherit something only be told what they will get and not where the rest of the money is going? It seems that everyone in the will knows everything in the will. It would be great to avoid that. Then they will get something and that's that. They have no idea how much money I have as I've been very careful to keep that out of our conversations over the years.

 

[WolfGate]

No idea what state you are in, but I have been executor of two estates in the Carolinas and here are a few things to consider.

For the two I handled, a legally valid will is essentially public. You should appoint an executor (called personal representative where I live) who will be responsible for distributing assets as you request in the will. Sometimes people challenge the will if they don't get what they want, so if you change your will destroy any earlier copies and make sure someone you trust (perhaps the designated personal representative) always has a copy of your latest will.

Make sure any will is legally valid. In my states that was simple as it required two witnesses and that was it. Even so, almost everyone also gets the will notarized because it can make life easier in probate court (which is where the validity of the will and any challenges to the will are determined). State law dictates, so research yours.

Even though the will is public, there are some financial areas where you can set up beneficiaries outside of the will. Life insurance, retirement accounts and some others allow you to do that. In that case, the money from them is distributed to your designated beneficiaries outside of the process of probate court. This is the most likely place where you could leave money to charities without your children finding out. If you have a $100k policy or in a retirement account, then the business holding those would distribute as your designations stated directly. You would still want someone you trusted to send those account holders your death certificate, otherwise your children would likely do so and the account holder might tell them how much was going where.

Bank accounts may also be handled outside the will if you make them joint accounts with someone else. From what I have heard doing that can vary state to state but your bank should be able to help you understand your state. This might not make sense given what you described for your situation.


I won't offer you advice on what to do about your children. You know the situation and people as you see it, and you should make the decisions that you feel are best to achieve what you want with your estate.

 

[Richard.20.12]

No idea what state you are in, but I have been executor of two estates in the Carolinas and here are a few things to consider.

For the two I handled, a legally valid will is essentially public. You should appoint an executor (called personal representative where I live) who will be responsible for distributing assets as you request in the will. Sometimes people challenge the will if they don't get what they want, so if you change your will destroy any earlier copies and make sure someone you trust (perhaps the designated personal representative) always has a copy of your latest will.

Make sure any will is legally valid. In my states that was simple as it required two witnesses and that was it. Even so, almost everyone also gets the will notarized because it can make life easier in probate court (which is where the validity of the will and any challenges to the will are determined). State law dictates, so research yours.

Even though the will is public, there are some financial areas where you can set up beneficiaries outside of the will. Life insurance, retirement accounts and some others allow you to do that. In that case, the money from them is distributed to your designated beneficiaries outside of the process of probate court. This is the most likely place where you could leave money to charities without your children finding out. If you have a $100k policy or in a retirement account, then the business holding those would distribute as your designations stated directly. You would still want someone you trusted to send those account holders your death certificate, otherwise your children would likely do so and the account holder might tell them how much was going where.

Bank accounts may also be handled outside the will if you make them joint accounts with someone else. From what I have heard doing that can vary state to state but your bank should be able to help you understand your state. This might not make sense given what you described for your situation.

I won't offer you advice on what to do about your children. You know the situation and people as you see it, and you should make the decisions that you feel are best to achieve what you want with your estate.

I'm in Canada but it should be very similar.
That made a lot of sense.
So I think you are saying because the will will be public knowledge that's where I need to include the children. And if I want something hidden it needs to be distributed outside the will. Can I list an organization as joint account holder though? Besides life insurance how else can they get an inheritance if its not in the will? And how would they know I had died if they are not in the will? Can there be a note in the will where the executor notifies them I have died and can that note be private? Or is everything in the will public? Hopefully just the beneficiary info is public. Once the charity has a copy of the death certificate they could presumably get the assets in the account.

In Canada we have a TFSA (Tax Free Savings Account) and I think there was a beneficiary designation there. I suppose that is one example of how to send money to someone and make it private, outside the probate arena.

I probably don't have enough to make it worthwhile but could a trust also facilitate this and could it be walled off from public inquiry?

It does make sense that inheritors should be able to know what is going on in case someone is defrauding someone else or trying to manipulate the process. We've all seen plenty of examples of that. But it also seems that there are many ways of avoiding public scrutiny too. It seems odd they would allow that. And if they did, why even bother with making the probate public? Maybe everything has gradually gotten more flexible over the years.

 

[eleos1954]

I'd rather leave my money to Christian charities as bringing people to Christ is more important than anything. Also, a child (a young adult) of mine doesn't seem particularly interested in financial management so I worry how well it will be taken care of. They also have distanced themselves from me so I feel they really don't want much to do with me. Of course I can't find out the reason for this as they have issues with communication. But when I read the Bible it seems that most everyone left everything to their children. I surely don't want to alienate that child from Christianity (they are luke warm in that area now) because they know I strongly believe in it and may be later resentful that I let them out of my will.

Another option would be to leave something to them but leave the rest to Christian charities. But could I do this without the child knowing it? When a will is read can the people that inherit something only be told what they will get and not where the rest of the money is going? It seems that everyone in the will knows everything in the will. It would be great to avoid that. Then they will get something and that's that. They have no idea how much money I have as I've been very careful to keep that out of our conversations over the years.

You could create a bank account that is POD (paid on death) .... and transfer money into it ... lists who the beneficiary(s) is/are and they will get the money in
that account when you die .... you have control over that account until that time. The POD beneficiaries does not have any access to that account (unless you give it to them) so you can tell them upon your death the POD account is all they will receive .... a POD account also bypasses pro-bate .... a will doesn't. Family members can contest a will .... charities have no reason to.

then in your will leave to whatever to charities you want, if you have a will you need to name the executor of your will .... that can be
anybody you choose .... it is their sworn duty to execute the will as stated.

If someone contacts your executor they will say .... you were not named in the will.

 

[WolfGate]

I'm in Canada but it should be very similar.
That made a lot of sense.
So I think you are saying because the will will be public knowledge that's where I need to include the children. And if I want something hidden it needs to be distributed outside the will. Can I list an organization as joint account holder though? Besides life insurance how else can they get an inheritance if its not in the will? And how would they know I had died if they are not in the will? Can there be a note in the will where the executor notifies them I have died and can that note be private? Or is everything in the will public? Hopefully just the beneficiary info is public. Once the charity has a copy of the death certificate they could presumably get the assets in the account.

In Canada we have a TFSA (Tax Free Savings Account) and I think there was a beneficiary designation there. I suppose that is one example of how to send money to someone and make it private, outside the probate arena.

I probably don't have enough to make it worthwhile but could a trust also facilitate this and could it be walled off from public inquiry?

It does make sense that inheritors should be able to know what is going on in case someone is defrauding someone else or trying to manipulate the process. We've all seen plenty of examples of that. But it also seems that there are many ways of avoiding public scrutiny too. It seems odd they would allow that. And if they did, why even bother with making the probate public? Maybe everything has gradually gotten more flexible over the years.

eleos1954 clarified some things for you I hope. I think the biggest key for you is to determine who will be the executor of your estate and make sure they are clear on your wishes. If you do not state who is executor in your will, then the court will decide and it will probably be a close relative (at least in the US). The death certificate is something to understand in Canada as well. If the executor can handle that as well, then they will send to the account holders (insurance, bank, etc.) where you have designated beneficiaries, those distributions will be handled outside probate court, and your children may not find out. Be clear with your executor what you are doing and why - otherwise they might tell your children because it would by typical to do so.

 

[Maria Billingsley]

I'd rather leave my money to Christian charities as bringing people to Christ is more important than anything. Also, a child (a young adult) of mine doesn't seem particularly interested in financial management so I worry how well it will be taken care of. They also have distanced themselves from me so I feel they really don't want much to do with me. Of course I can't find out the reason for this as they have issues with communication. But when I read the Bible it seems that most everyone left everything to their children. I surely don't want to alienate that child from Christianity (they are luke warm in that area now) because they know I strongly believe in it and may be later resentful that I let them out of my will.

Another option would be to leave something to them but leave the rest to Christian charities. But could I do this without the child knowing it? When a will is read can the people that inherit something only be told what they will get and not where the rest of the money is going? It seems that everyone in the will knows everything in the will. It would be great to avoid that. Then they will get something and that's that. They have no idea how much money I have as I've been very careful to keep that out of our conversations over the years.

Always leave to your children. You do not want to leave this earth with an unforgiving heart. Parents who take their children out of their will do it for vengeance. Blessings.