When is it gossip?

[memoriesbymichelle]

Is there a difference between a friend ranting about what happened between them and someone else, and it being considered gossip?

I know the bible talks about not gossiping and I agree with the bible.

But sometimes friends need someone to talk to about their problems with other people and to me that is different than gossiping and saying "did you hear what so and so did?"

What do you think?

 

[dayhiker]

I agree with you, Michelle. This is my wording of it.

I agree that we have to talk about our life and the issues we face. We also have to talk about the issues we have between ourself and others. Often talking about it helps us understand what the real issue is. Clearly in both these situations we are involved and we can improve our part in the situation.

When the issue is beyond ourself, its between others, then we probably have little change that we can change the situation and probably don't really know the event as well as we think we might. At best we saw and heard something! So I think gossip is talking about a situation we didn't witness and therefore likely have little to no way to help the situation to improve.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

To me, and I could be wrong on this so if you think so let me know, it would be gossip if I took the information my friend shared with me to someone else that knew her and/or the other people and was like "did you hear what happened between so and so and so and so?" Even if I set the context like "we really need to pray for so and so because..."

Otherwise I don't consider it gossip. Like in the case of the family that quit going to bible study because of issues with the leaders. Yes I have talked about it here, but none of you know any of the parties. I have not talked to anyone else about it that knows any of them. I am not trying to stir any pots with anyone else to make them side with any of them.

BUT if I DID go around and started telling people that knew them "Did you hear what so and so did to so and so?" THAT would be gossiping. Am I wrong?

 

[dayhiker]

Ya, it makes sense to have attitude as part of defining what gossip is. If our attitude is I want to take everyone this so they know I got the inside story. wrong. If we tell so everyone will know so and so's secret. Wrong. If we tell to hurt that person. Wrong.

Some say they tell people so they can pray for them. If a person in the group of friends is really effective with pray, just as if the info can be shared to they can pray about it. Otherwise, keep the info to self and do the praying. So wrong if it will hurt the person or exalt our self. Seriously consider asking if we can share the info with someone.

 

[MorkandMindy]

It is good to talk.


The exception IMHO is when words are used to destroy another person's reputation or when the words have that effect.

 

[CareyGreen]

I've heard it said that it's NOT gossip of the person who is receiving the information is able to help with the issue or situation. If they are not, then it IS gossip. That definition is not true across the board, but I've found it to be a good guildline.

 

[dayhiker]

Carey,
Good point.
Welcome to CF.

 

[CounselorForChrist]

To me its fine to talk. Like if someone came to me with a problem and I couldn't' answer I may ask someone I trust when it comes private info. But a gossiper is someone who lets say you tell them you swore while in church. Then that person goes and tells every person in the church and even those outside of the church. It causes many issues.

Our old church was full of cackling hens who would spread about things that were private. Actually gossip is often what ends up causing a church to split up. The same old church, alot of the younger people (40s and under) said the church needed to focus more on outreach, community events, updating some things. Well word got around to the elders and older couples. Which caused them to question people. Which in short caused half the congregation to find other churches.

So after that happened the churchs pastor also left because the elders didn't want anything to change. So now the church is still searching for a new pastor and likley will shut down all because of gossip.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Wow that's terrible! And I agree with all the comments made here.

I'm pretty good at keeping things that should be private, private and I do not like to talk about people in general. But if it is to try to help the person or people resolve the issue or come to some resolution I'm all for that. But I would never take info told to me, to other people, to incite unfavorable feelings to the people I would be talking about, that's just not who I am.
But in my friendships alot of my friends talk to me about their issues. My goal is always to pray to God for His will to be done in their lives and if possible, for reconciliation, or to help the friend move on if that's what they need to do. And sometimes I just have to listen for the sake of listening.