When Is It Adultery?

[Gnarwhal]

I've just come off the phone from a family member who has recently separated from their spouse. They found out from one of their adult children that the other spouse has been dating a Muslim convert pretty much since the date that they separated. This is not a legal separation - they have just chosen to live apart.

Aside from the fact that the rest of the family is shocked at this person's decision given what I went through, I said to the family member that since the other spouse was technically still married to them, this constituted adultery.

My family member didn't seem to think so on the basis that they were dating and not yet allegedly sleeping together.

Does the secular world really see a married spouse dating while separated as not being adultery?

I guess I am double whammy shocked by who she was dating plus the fact that my family member didn't consider it as adultery

Has anyone else heard a non believer conclude this?

I would say it depends on the terms of the separation. If it's a "trial separation" where the couple is just trying to discover whether or not they're better apart than together, then usually there's no agreement for anybody to start to dating someone else. However, if this separation is a certain prelude to divorce, sometimes couples will express "consent" for each other to begin dating someone else even though papers haven't been filed or the divorce hasn't been finalized yet. They're operating on the understanding that it's not a matter of "if" their marriage will end, but "when".

My ex-wife and I separated a grand total of three times. The first two were basically trial separations, and I stayed with family for a week. The third time we knew we were going to split for good, so I moved out at her request. On my way out the door she told me she "released me to date other people" (her words, not mine... I hate that kind of Christianese). Honestly I was kind of stunned that she would talk about something like that at the time, but I reciprocated the gesture. About 5-7 days later she was dating someone new. Since we had made that agreement I felt like I had no right to be upset.

 

[Kathryn Jensen]

I've just come off the phone from a family member who has recently separated from their spouse. They found out from one of their adult children that the other spouse has been dating a Muslim convert pretty much since the date that they separated. This is not a legal separation - they have just chosen to live apart.

Aside from the fact that the rest of the family is shocked at this person's decision given what I went through, I said to the family member that since the other spouse was technically still married to them, this constituted adultery.

My family member didn't seem to think so on the basis that they were dating and not yet allegedly sleeping together.

Does the secular world really see a married spouse dating while separated as not being adultery?

I guess I am double whammy shocked by who she was dating plus the fact that my family member didn't consider it as adultery

Has anyone else heard a non believer conclude this?

I am a believer and I conclude this. I would not view it as adultery. Not to get technical, but adultery is sexual intercourse with someone other than your spouse, and Scriptural grounds for divorce (though God would rather that couples reconcile, even with, if possible). Under the Mosaic Law, adultery was punishable by death (stoning I believe or worse). It's a serious covenant breaker. It used to be illegal in the US and other countries. As betrayed and one might feel over a separated spouse dating another, it would never have been punishable by death, illegal, or grounds for divorce. Just sayin'.