When Is It Adultery?

[Lotuspetal_uk]

I've just come off the phone from a family member who has recently separated from their spouse. They found out from one of their adult children that the other spouse has been dating a Muslim convert pretty much since the date that they separated. This is not a legal separation - they have just chosen to live apart.

Aside from the fact that the rest of the family is shocked at this person's decision given what I went through, I said to the family member that since the other spouse was technically still married to them, this constituted adultery.

My family member didn't seem to think so on the basis that they were dating and not yet allegedly sleeping together.

Does the secular world really see a married spouse dating while separated as not being adultery?

I guess I am double whammy shocked by who she was dating plus the fact that my family member didn't consider it as adultery

Has anyone else heard a non believer conclude this?

 

[dayhiker]

I think there are all kinds of ways that these things are viewed.

I guess personally, I'd want to know what was the nature of the agreement of their separation. One thing for sure, I'd never recommend dating a Muslim. I've heard too many horror stories about that!

 

[DZoolander]

Well, leaving it just in the realm of "how the secular world views it" and not getting into the Muslim part, I think you'd find varied answers depending on who you asked.

Some people would think that agreeing that you're separated constitutes sufficient cause to say you can begin dating again. Others would probably disagree - and say that at the very least it needs to be a legal separation (first step toward actual divorce). I think others would argue that all separations are half-[bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] measures - and one ought to at the very least wait until they've filed for divorce/have divorced, etc.

Such things are usually just the subjective view of the individual.

 

[Lotuspetal_uk]

I think there are all kinds of ways that these things are viewed.

I guess personally, I'd want to know what was the nature of the agreement of their separation. One thing for sure, I'd never recommend dating a Muslim. I've heard too many horror stories about that!

Thanks dayhiker. Now that I've had a week to think about it, the nature of their agreement would play a large part. If it is quite open then my relative would probably not see it as adultery.

They were more concerned about the Muslim part though.

 

[Lotuspetal_uk]

Well, leaving it just in the realm of "how the secular world views it" and not getting into the Muslim part, I think you'd find varied answers depending on who you asked.

Some people would think that agreeing that you're separated constitutes sufficient cause to say you can begin dating again. Others would probably disagree - and say that at the very least it needs to be a legal separation (first step toward actual divorce). I think others would argue that all separations are half-[bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] measures - and one ought to at the very least wait until they've filed for divorce/have divorced, etc.

Such things are usually just the subjective view of the individual.

Thanks EZ, I suppose at the end of the day, it is whatever this relative has agreed with their spouse.

 

[hikingchick77]

Some states don't have legal separation though...

 

[Svt4Him]

In canada once you say you're leaving, it's a legal separation. You can even be in the same house but legally separated...just prolongs the divorce.

 

[Lotuspetal_uk]

In canada once you say you're leaving, it's a legal separation. You can even be in the same house but legally separated...just prolongs the divorce.

Amen Svt4Him. I admit I've had to take a step away from it now. Just on the basis that it was hearsay primarily but also because my dad was in hospital and that took over from the emotions attached to my OP.

It's a weird setup but one that I have to just let go and let God.

 

[ulu]

dating is not adultery. lying is not adultery. violence is not adultery.
adultery is sex

 

[Lotuspetal_uk]

dating is not adultery. lying is not adultery. violence is not adultery.
adultery is sex

Duly noted & thanks Ulu.

Over in the UK, some members of our society equate dating with that - they tend not to wait until they get married....

 

[DZoolander]

My definition of "adultery" (or cheating) is crossing any boundary that your partner has set. In other words - it varies relationship to relationship.

If you have a partner that thinks hugging other people is cheating - then within the context of your marriage hugging is cheating. If you have a partner that thinks that it's okay to have sex with other people - then within the context of your relationship it's not cheating to have sex with other people.

You freely chose the partner you have. Nobody put a gun to your head. If you don't like their boundaries - then you ought not have married them and were perfectly free to leave. Once you've accepted them - however - you've accepted their limits.

 

[pittsflyer]

If church members that view you with contempt say so

 

[Messy]

I've just come off the phone from a family member who has recently separated from their spouse. They found out from one of their adult children that the other spouse has been dating a Muslim convert pretty much since the date that they separated. This is not a legal separation - they have just chosen to live apart.

Aside from the fact that the rest of the family is shocked at this person's decision given what I went through, I said to the family member that since the other spouse was technically still married to them, this constituted adultery.

My family member didn't seem to think so on the basis that they were dating and not yet allegedly sleeping together.

Does the secular world really see a married spouse dating while separated as not being adultery?

I guess I am double whammy shocked by who she was dating plus the fact that my family member didn't consider it as adultery

Has anyone else heard a non believer conclude this?

Even if you wait 'til the official divorce and marry and then have sex Jesus still calls it adultery, unless the other one was adulterous, then the marriage is dissolved anyway.

 

[pittsflyer]

Well someone is doing something wrong if its gotten to that point so the marriage is disolved, it just boils down to fault. Jesus never says the one at fault has to remain celibate.

Even if you wait 'til the official divorce and marry and then have sex Jesus still calls it adultery, unless the other one was adulterous, then the marriage is dissolved anyway.

 

[nick garai]

The secular world would not see this as adultery unless they have had sex and by the sounds of your post this has not happened yet.

 

[Lotuspetal_uk]

The secular world would not see this as adultery unless they have had sex and by the sounds of your post this has not happened yet.

Looking back at my OP I apologise - I guess one could assume that. I should have made it more clearer but I also didn't to write the details. The person was basically having a full blown relationship with the convert. Where I live, 'dating' in the secular world is the whole nine yards pretty much on or just after the first date.

As an update, they are now going through a divorce but my relative is not going to cite adultery as the reason for the marital breakdown.

I guess it's very much a case of letting them be....

 

[markvs]

Looking back at my OP I apologise - I guess one could assume that. I should have made it more clearer but I also didn't to write the details. The person was basically having a full blown relationship with the convert. Where I live, 'dating' in the secular world is the whole nine yards pretty much on or just after the first date.

As an update, they are now going through a divorce but my relative is not going to cite adultery as the reason for the marital breakdown.

I guess it's very much a case of letting them be....

 

[markvs]

In my separation/divorce my wife (now ex) fell in love with a young man who had been our eldest daughters boyfriend, now, as a frigid woman sex was out of her scope, but it was the emotional closeness and love between them that constituted emotional adultery. I became nothing more than a wallet to be raided. to me although there may have been no sexual contact (doubtful) there was adultery.

 

[dayhiker]

I agree with you, markvs.

 

[Messy]

In my separation/divorce my wife (now ex) fell in love with a young man who had been our eldest daughters boyfriend, now, as a frigid woman sex was out of her scope, but it was the emotional closeness and love between them that constituted emotional adultery. I became nothing more than a wallet to be raided. to me although there may have been no sexual contact (doubtful) there was adultery.

I don't know if that's adultery. It feels like it. My ex chatted with a woman. Then I thought it was okay to run off with someone else when he dumped me but I think that was adultery. He just opened the door and I kicked it in.