Mikhail, I read your document, and it was really excellent- I do want to say something, however--although after reading this I realized that yes, I do have a valid reason for divorcing my ex (he did at one point most definitely meet all 3 criteria that you mentioned-), the marriage in and of itself had become so abusive, and so terrible- that I was suffering, the kids were suffering, and even he was suffering. I did try one last reconciliation with him some time ago, and I do believe that he wanted to change- and was even trying to change- the problem was, that after 10 years of the sort of abuse I dealt with from him, my own damaged emotional state was so extensive that it just sent me into a depression, not to mention having literal panic attacks whenever he would say or do something that even remotely reminded me of the things he had done in the past. The whole situation made me innefectual as a parent, innefectual at work, and definitely innefectual as a wife--and yet basically you are saying that if those 3 criteria were not met, that we have to stay single if we separate--even though the things i just mentioned that happened in my marriage were an unbelievable nightmare, for a good 9 years- destroying our family, damaging the kids, all of us- and yet if I left that untolerable situation, if those 3 criteria are not met, im to spend the rest of my life alone or go back into the situation with him. My marriage was never about me not trying to work things out with him- I did, for years---by the time he decided to work things out, 10 years had passed, and so much damage had been done that I couldn't hardly deal with him in any way, let alone a constructive one. When I agreed to reconcile with him that last time, I insisted that we go to counseling- he agreed, but then once we reconciled he changed his mind and told me " Well, I don't think counseling is a good idea, because even though YOU know im not really abusive, (oh please...) THEY aren't going to see it that way."--and there never was any counseling.
I'm in another relationship with a good man, now- a good christian guy---I spent years agonizing with guilt over ever leaving my ex, and all of the verses you mentioned were things ive grown up with my whole life. God worked overtime with me on my guilt, my pain- and the strange thing about it, is I didn't ask Him to...He came to me--I was ready to just sit in my guilt and say, 'well hey, I tried- but since things didn't work, this is what I have to do-stay alone, or go back, and if I get into another relationship, im basically doomed here...'
At that point, I was just so down, and God was merciful to me in so many ways- I had several incidents where strangers came up to me on the street and said to me, ' I know you're going to think this is strange, but God wants me to tell you that He loves you...", etc---it all just blew me away---God saw everything that happened in my marriage- He knew that I had given it my all-that I tried to 'fix' things, in any way I knew how- for years. He knew everything that had happened, at every instance, the entire time I was married- and the damage it all had done. And I was finally able to put it behind me, realize that God had forgiven for it-and move on. Without suffering guilt the rest of my life.
