When He Never Notices...

[ub4me]

AS A WOMAN IT IS SO HARD WHEN YOUR MATE DOSEN'T NOTICE YOU, OR SEEM INTRESTED IN YOU
AND THERE ARE OTHER PEOPLE THAT DO...
I UNDERSTAND AFTER MANY YEARS THE HONEYMOON PERIOD IS OVER...BUT COME ON NOW
I GIVE HIM ATTENTION...
I ONLY DESIRE HIS ATTENTION, BUT GET IT FROM EVERYONE ELSE BUT...
AND I MISS THE WAY THAT MAKES ME FEEL
JUST BEING HONEST!!!
AND YES I HAVE TOLD HIM HOW I FEEL...BUT THINGS REMAIN THE SAME...
ANYONE ELSE EVER FEEL LIKE THIS????

 

[megg]

I have felt that way from time to time.
Have you told your honey?
He may not even realize you feel that way.

 

[Cright]

She did say that she told him how she feels. Sometimes men just don't get it... you have to use the right words to get across. I would first ask him questions. I'm sure you know of a point in his life where he felt very upset. For example, if he was passed over for promotion or was left out of something he felt important in his family. Think about it for awhiel and figure it out. Then say, "Honey, do you remember how it felt when you ..... blah ...blah...blah" Can you tell me what that feeling was? Hopefully you can get him to say, rejection, hurt, anger, or some other adjective that relates to how you feel. Then proceded to used that same word and tell him... You know I love you, so I don't say this to be mean, but so that we can improve, but I feel that same way when you fail to notice me in this way and that way (be very specific). Let him know it must be noticable, because others notice... but not you. Let him know this is one of your NEEDS in marriage. Follow up by asking him what changes he might notice easier. Like would he like to see you in a particular outfit or would he like your hair a certain way... that way when you change your hair next he's more likely to notice? There are 2 things here.. 1 he needs to know how important it is for you. and 2 you need to also realise this is NOT just your husband. This is a male thing all together. It's good to get him to make you feel special once in awhile to notice you... but don't expect it all the time. This is why we still have our girlfirends around after we're married. This is something women are good at... Hope that helps! Carina

 

[GodHelpUs]

I think that is one of Satan's techniques on women. I sometimes feel that way with my husband. Like i'm not getting the attention i want. I've brought it up to him before and he reassures me that it's not anything personal like he doesn't love me or find me attractive or interesting anymore. I still have those same feelings rise up though. It's hard to remind myself that it's not true, that it's just satan invading my mind. Satan tries to destroy love. I try to think of it in a way that the harder Satan tries is just that me and my husband love eachother so much. The more we love the more Satan is determined to destroy. Just think of the Garden, why did Satan use Eve to get to Adam? Why not just go straight to Adam? Women are weaker in SOME ways than men. That's why God made man the leader of the household. It's a scientific fact that women use more of their brains than men do. I remember that everytime i have to remind my forgetful husband to not leave his big boots in the middle of the living room.

 

[InTheFlame]

Good advice from Cright.

Sometimes the best way for someone to notice you is by not being there. You'd be amazed how a person who habitually ignores their spouse and logs onto the computer as soon as they get home, will turn around and be bereft if their spouse is suddenly not at home when they get there, but out having fun with their mates.

PS. I'm not recommending irresponsibility... I'd even go so far as to say, cook dinner and leave some in the fridge for him... then go over to a (female) friend's place and watch a movie. If he complains and says that he wanted to do something with you, tell him that you've got tomorrow free if he'd like to do it then... and leave.

PPS. Or just read Love Must Be Tough, by James Dobson.

 

[novi12]

Speak to ur huuby n if he does not reacts then the only thing for u to keep quiet n pray for him.. Give as much attention to him for Lords Sake n humble urself before the Lord.... Give thanks n praises often to jesus n see how urs n ur huuby will be changed.....

 

[sf49erfan]

You and your husband should read His Needs, Her Needs together. It might open up a good discussion for both of you.

 

[2Bhumble]

This can work both ways. It's not always a "male thing". I'm the one who's not noticed in my marriage. It's kids first to her. She gets all of her socialization from her friends. I suggest date night and she tells me "date nights are over-rated" or "who can afford date nights". She's always too tired to go on a walk or too hot or it looks like rain. I've told her how important it is to me (and for the kids to see) for us to spend a little one-on-one time together and she gets pretty defensive. So it is pretty frustrating.

 

[firestar]

I would second the suggestion for reading "his needs her needs" together. Great book, and it leads to good discussion. I find it's often more helpful to find out from my husband how I can improve first before wanting to fix him. Usually it's more productive 'cause he in turn wants to please me more too- so we both win!

 

[Autumnleaf]

He might be low on testosterone. A blood test can check it out. He could also just be stressed with work, this has temporarily slowed down my libido before.

You might want to start serving him oysters until he gets 'interested'. When he asks about what's up tell him you heard they are good for getting a man ready for action.

 

[Cright]

I don't think she's necessarily talking about sex... but ub4me, please correct me if I'm wrong.

 

[ub4me]

good advice from everyone...I TAKE IT ALL TO HEART
THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!

I GUESS IT IS JUST LONELY, AND ALOT OF TIMES I FEEL LIKE THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME....THAT I'M NOT ATTRACTIVE ENOUGH, GOOD ENOUGH AND ETC. BUT THEN I HAVE A LOT OF GUYS FLIRT WITH ME...AND I THINK I MUST NOT BE THAT BAD. AND I HAVE TO ADMITT THE ATTENTION FEELS GOOD, YET MOST OF ALL I WANT IT FROM HIM AFTER ALL HE IS MY HUSBAND.
I AM TALKING ABOUT ANY KIND OF ATTENTION AT ALL,
IF IT IS JUST IN WHAT I AM WRITING...SAYING, DOING...AND ALSO INTIMATELY.
I WILL AND HAVE PRAYED ABOUT THIS, PLEASE KNOW...IT IS NOT SELFISHNESS...I GIVE ALOT
BUT A DESIRE TO HAVE THE DESIRE OF MY DH.

PLEASE PRAY FOR US....I FEEL WE ARE SO DISCONNECTED.

MY LOVE TO YOU ALL,
AND THANKS FOR RESPONDING...THIS IS IMPORTANT TO ME

 

[fitmom]

I think, IMHO, that we, meaning both wives and husbands are under a lot ot pressure, very busy and tired as a result. Work, kids, laundry etc. seem to find a way to get in line first.
We should not tlet this happen, but often couples are just too tired and going to bed is the next priority (to sleep ).

Anyway, I know for me, that if my husband provided a daily compliment or occasional flowers, just small gestures, he would certainly and successully gain my fuller attention. I know he tries, but he is also getting through his busy day.

My kids demand a lot of my attention, and I do try to spend time alone with each of them.

Praying for our marriages is the best thing to do!

God Bless, J

 

[Mrs. Enigma]

He might be low on testosterone. A blood test can check it out. He could also just be stressed with work, this has temporarily slowed down my libido before.

You might want to start serving him oysters until he gets 'interested'. When he asks about what's up tell him you heard they are good for getting a man ready for action.

Oysters are gross. HOw about green Mand M's?

To OP: Maybe your hubby does not know how you feel. Sometimes women talk a lot, or get emotional a lot, and then the guy does not take his wife seriously, or zones out while she finishes telling him how lousy he is.

It is important that he realize that you are in a very, very bad position if he does not give you the attention you need, and especially if others do.

Maybe if he realized how special the things others do for you make you feel, or if you happily reminice about remember when you also used to do that for me, and how elated you felt... where it sounds like a happy memory and not a criticism or demand.

If he is a Christian, I would explain that his lack of attention makes it hard for my mind not to wander or be tempted into thinking of getting my needs met elsewhere. I'm not saying to say this in a threatening way, but if you have a strong open marriage he would understand. I do not know what situation you are in.

He could just be absorbed in his job, or stressed out, and dropped you from his priority without realizing it.

Are you meeting his needs... for sex, respect, honor etc.? That can affect it also.

 

[rainbowpromise]

ANYONE ELSE EVER FEEL LIKE THIS????

Pam Tillis used to sing a song called Shake the Sugar Tree. It used to be my theme song. Every once in a while I would have to shake my husband up by threatening him. Since I have dedicated my life to Christ, I quite shaking. I have had some pretty lonely days.

I get all my hugs from some wonderful older ladies at church. They need those hugs as much as I do. And I just keep praying fo rmy husband. I don't ever expect him to be like he was at 30, but I sure could use a hug now and then.

As for the testosterone thing, I suspect that my husband's testosterone level is normal and I know mine is high.
I do know my husband is dealing with stress and health issues.