When God seems to be saying it should be small...

[jessesgirl]

So what do you do? When you leave your fertility and your family size to God and you have the heart for a BIG family and every sign points to God saying that your family should be small? How do you come to accept that when your heart and your home still have room for so much more?

We have prayed...and prayed but it still seems that this is the way it is supposed to be. Now I am at the point of attempted acceptance...but I am really, REALLY struggling with it!

 

[-~Truth_N_Trust~-]

we were the same way, we always wanted to be the crazy christian couple with a billion kids, but then I had trouble conceiving, so went through much stress wondering what was God's will for our family. We tried hard believing that we couldn't force God's hand, and he blessed us twice. We are so thankful for our 2 and will just focus on them. We would still love some more (even though 2 is hard work!), but are content now to wait and see what the Lord does...

How do you come to accept it? Well time is a big one, and focusing on what I do have - on what I struggled hard to have.
It's hard, we just have to trust that God's plan is perfect...

I still hope for the day when I am happily surprised...

 

[jgonz]

I've mentioned my cousing before (primarily because she was the only Quiverful person I knew for years and years). Anyway, my cousin & her DH had like 14 or 15 miscarriages in a row. She went to an oestopathic doctor who diagnosed her with 5 health issues Inot just her female parts, like her previous OB/GYNs). She went on to have 4 live births (1 of whom passed away from a heart defect that had nothing to do with her health issues). Then she went through menopause. 3 kids was all this Quiverful family ever had.... G-d is in control and you have the number He wants you to have....

Your question reminds me of an experience I had and a time I had to pass through after our third child died. I wanted a baby sooooooo badly. The desire was killing me. I'd go into my bedroom and pray and be angry with G-d for taking one child away and then "making me" have a barely controllable desire for another one. One night after a few months of dealing with this, I was having trouble sleeping and started praying. I "heard" in my spirit, "What if I don't Want you to have another baby?" I cried and I grieved over the children I'd never have. I honestly thought that meant we'd never have any more. After that night I was able to let it rest and let go. A couple of months later, I found out I was pregnant with my next one.... and G-d just kept on giving after that... I never put a number on how many or when after that night.

The joy in being Quiverful is that you are trusting Him to make the decision... so it's out of your hands. You just never know how or how many. I was shocked to be pregnant at nearly 48... we honestly thought G-d had told us we were done! I have no idea what's going on... just that He is in control.

 

[Assisi]

I know that feeling too. It is hard.

My parents were open to life and wanted a large family - and yet I am an only child. I face the possibility of never being able to carry to term. It's hard when you desire children, you know they are such a good in life, and yet they are being given to other people...

One thing I have found though, is that surrendering our family to God is only something you can do month by month, year by year. After I lost Gabriel in February I prayed to God and tried to surrender my desire for children - I tried to surrender all the maybes of the future. Ultimately it led me to a dark place where I lost hope. But God wants us to have hope. We can only give to God what he asks of us, and we can only give what we already have. Before reaching 'acceptance' please make sure God is really asking this of you. I know your situation seems more definite than mine, but I would wait and see.

I heard an analogy about the devil which has really helped me in my life. The devil will try to stop you from getting on the horse (doing what God asks, in my case surrendering my fertility to Him). But if he cannot stop you, he will try to get you to flog the horse so hard and go so fast that the horse is worn out. Either way, you never reach you destination. For me, I was flogging the horse too hard - doing more than God asked of me. I'm glad the Holy Spirit prompted me to wake up, slow down, and do God's will. Now I am no longer trying to outgive God.

I pray that you have many more little miracles.

 

[ChristianMama84]

I'm sorry you're going through this, you're a good person and from your posts, a good mom. Hubby and I've discussed if we, for whatever reason, are unable to get pregnant again or sometime down the line before we're finished, we'll adopt. I have such a desire to do so, we may anyways one day.

 

[annaapple]

Jessesgirl: Maybe your heart is big for fostering? Or God is preparing you for something else?

 

[jessesgirl]

Thanks everyone! That was just the encouragement I need!

Anna- funny you should say that. I have had the heart to adopt since I was literally five or 6. When I was told at 19 that I wouldn't b e able to conceive and that if I was that an abortion would ensue to save my life, my heart grew even bigger for adoption. When Jesse and I met and married, I told him (when we were dating) that I would never be able to have children but I wanted to adopt every little boy and girl out there that didn't have a family of their own, he said "ok, let's do it!" So...yes. Yes, yes. We were so blessed to have our little monkey...he truly is a HUGE blessing! Now the dr. (completely different dr.)is telling me again that I should consider Justin a HUGE blessing and likely resign to the fact that there is a 99.9% chance of there not being anymore. We will definitely adopt, though! There is just something about carrying your little one for niine months, rushing to the hospital...going into labor.... something I took for granted with Justin because I had such a rough pregnancy and I want so badly to experience it again!

 

[ChristianMama84]

I love seeing people so open to adoption. My mom had cancer at 19 and could never have kids, so she and Dad adopted me. I've always been so grateful to them (especially after I met my birth mom, long story ) and Mom and I are best friends.

 

[jessesgirl]

I love seeing people so open to adoption. My mom had cancer at 19 and could never have kids, so she and Dad adopted me. I've always been so grateful to them (especially after I met my birth mom, long story ) and Mom and I are best friends.

That is so awesome!

 

[Tea]

I don't mean to hijack this thread, but Jan, did I read correctly. Your execting??
Tracey

 

[jgonz]

Yes Tea! #9. Shocking, but true. Completely unexpected. I thought I was dealing with menopause issues (skipping a period) but apparently not! I'm 15.5 weeks now (and I'll be 48 this week! yikes) and according to 3 ultrasounds so far, doing really well. lol

 

[Tea]

Yeah yessss, congratulations. I pray that everything goes well for you.
We're hoping for number 9 too, but I have just been diagnosed with Graves disease, so it has put me in menopause at the moment. Meds for it come through my milk, and as I don't want to wean, I am yet to start on them. So if I do have another one, it will be defiantely in the Lords hands.
Take care, and God bless.
Tracey

 

[jgonz]

You know... I have thyroid issues too, although mine tend to the hypothyroidism. I take Kelp and Dulse Liquid for it and they help a Lot. They both have natural iodine and other properties that help Balance the thyoid (don't force it to work faster Or slower).

I know you didn't ask my opinion but maybe visiting with a Naturopathic doctor would be an idea for you... The meds you're talking about are kind of scary... but natural/alternative methods are fine for pregnancy and breastfeeding...

 

[Tea]

Yes your right, I should see someone. Personally I am not crazy about taking the meds, as I know that eventually they will make me go hypothyroid, which doesn't thrill me either.
Strange how I minds work. I have be thinking of sending one of my DD's to a naturopath, but it just didn't even dawn on me for me to see someone.
Thanks for the prompt.
Take care,
Tracey

 

[RedTulipMom]

jessesgirl,
i dont know your exact fertility issues or why the doctors keep telling you that your probably won't concieve, but realize that doctors DONT know everything and are often wrong! As you can see, you already got pregnant once after being told such things..why not again? your still so young..you have many many many years of possible fertility left.
I was told when i was 19 i had a slim to none chance of ever conceiving..and i didnt for 15 yrs after i was told than...then along came luke and anna at ages 34 and 37..and who knows i still may have MORE kids. Dont put too much stock into what the doctors say..what will happen..will happen..

 

[CelticRose]

A thought: My youngest is now 12 & despite desiring another child there hasn't even been a hint in the years since my youngest was born. However what God seems to have planned for my youngest will require so much of my time & energy it would be just about impossible if I had other little ones in tow. Remember God's overall plan is for your whole household as well as for the individuals within it.

 

[sweetangelmum]

To the OP it must be very hard. I have had 4 kids in 5 years and know that God has more install for me. How many more is God's guess, but I would find it hard to accept if I was you.

Also Jan you go I cant believe that at 48 you are still going. I would like if that was me.

God bless

 

[Assisi]

bumping to see how the OP and repliers are going with this now, it's quite an old thread...

 

[jessesgirl]

Oh thank you so much Assisi! We've been trying for quite a while now...still no luck! It breaks my heart about once every few months when my cycle confirms that I'm not pregnant...but we are managing.

 

[-~Truth_N_Trust~-]

Jessesgirl. I know the feeling...