When "friends" are cruel

[freedom4all]

This is more of a vent than anything else. After recovering a few years ago, things are going well. But my best friend, who is <edit> always talking (bragging?) to me how she can never find clothes small enough to fit her, how she never feels hungry, how she doesn't have to work out to be skinny, etc. I am at a good weight for my height, not overweight, BTW.

Anyway, yesterday, she called me and asked me what was I eating, and why I am always eating. !!!! I became defensive, and told her that since I'm such a fat pig I guess I need to eat all the time. She said "How long does it take you to eat that, anyway?" And today, she made a comment on how much weight a certain celebrity had gained while pregnant, knowing that is the same amount I had gained :o , and that "maybe if she'd quit eating all the time, she wouldn't have gotten so fat." And she also said this to me, "Do you have to work out? I don't have to, and I'm skinny. But then again, I don't eat like you do."

I'm really upset, and I need to tell her that she is hurting me, I know that, and I will. I can't believe she is doing this. I think that a best friend should be sensitive to this but it appears like she is trying to hurt me.

 

[kamikat]

Hi, freedom4all! I don't post here very often, but I had to join in with you. I have a friend just like yours. In fact, my "friend" was over when I was wraping my young niece's birthday present ( a very cute skort and top) and she asked me where I got it because she though it would fit her. The next day, I saw her in the outfit, that could only be purchased in the girls' department of a certain discount store. She brags all the time about shoping in the girls' department because "even juniors' isn't small enough". It is sometimes very hard to hang around with those people.
kamikat

 

[Katie8771]

Hi.. About the friend situation... is she really a freind if shes saying things like that! This is one of the many times in your life that you MUST stand up for yourself! And when you do, don't be bitter about it, just let her know that shes hurting your feelings. If you don't feel like you can do it in person.. write her a letter. Something, you can't keep letting her put you down because one day its going to be too much! God Bless!!!!
Love,
Katie

 

[madison1101]

This is more of a vent than anything else. After recovering a few years ago, things are going well. But my best friend, who is <edit> always talking (bragging?) to me how she can never find clothes small enough to fit her, how she never feels hungry, how she doesn't have to work out to be skinny, etc. I am at a good weight for my height, not overweight, BTW.

Anyway, yesterday, she called me and asked me what was I eating, and why I am always eating. !!!! I became defensive, and told her that since I'm such a fat pig I guess I need to eat all the time. She said "How long does it take you to eat that, anyway?" And today, she made a comment on how much weight a certain celebrity had gained while pregnant, knowing that is the same amount I had gained :o , and that "maybe if she'd quit eating all the time, she wouldn't have gotten so fat." And she also said this to me, "Do you have to work out? I don't have to, and I'm skinny. But then again, I don't eat like you do."

I'm really upset, and I need to tell her that she is hurting me, I know that, and I will. I can't believe she is doing this. I think that a best friend should be sensitive to this but it appears like she is trying to hurt me.

She is not a friend. She sounds like she is a bitter woman who needs help. You need to set a healthy boundary with her and make it clear that your eating behavior and weight are not her concern and you will not tolerate any more of her negative comments. Assert yourself and make it clear. She either stops or the friendship stops.

Hugs,
Trish

 

[oneandlonely]

This person doesn't sound like a very good friend

 

[ksbriscoe]

ohh I was in your shoes when I was in high school. My so called best friend would do and say the EXACT same things to me. Come to find out SHE was the one with a major ED. She would always ask me what I was eating then tell me how meny calories I was eating and on and on and on. Then if I DIDN'T eat she would make comments like "it wont help cause no matter how much I don't eat I will never be as skinny as her"....stuff like that. You know something, after I stopped takling to her after one of her hateful comments I realized how misserable she was making me and moved on. I realized that I had other friends who loved me just how I was. I may never be as skinny as her, but you know what... I am sure a whole lot happier then her. Don't ever let someone else deside how you are going to be.

 

[Ruth~]

I have family members who do the same thing. I struggle with binge eating and being bigger than them. It really hurts, I think you maybe feel hurt, too. The only thing I do is try to excuse them for acting ignorantly. I try to ignore it. If only they realized how they sound to me...

 

[freedom4all]

Well, the opportunity to discuss this issue with my friend finally presented itself. She was telling me that she gets annoyed when her mom tells her that she is not eating enough, and that it bugs her when she always talks about food. So I told her that she herself talks an awful lot about food and being so skinny, and that I am no longer comfortable eating around her because I feel as though I should be ashamed of myself for having an appetite, and that I am tired of feeling like a fat pig around her. Maybe I could've said things better, but I had to get this off my chest once and for all. She didn't say much, and tried to backpedal, but I think she got the message. Time will tell, we shall see.