When do you just give up?

[InvisibleViolet]

I've been going out with my boyfriend for about 2 months and we care about each other a lot and enjoy being with each other. We struggle sometimes with the fact that we have a lot of differences. We have few similar interests, no friends in common and I'm a extremely picky eater and he's not which apparently gets on his nerves. We try to compromise but it doesn't always work. Am I naive to think that if we continue to talk and compromise that things should work themselves out and be fine ?Is it possible to have a good long health relationship when the two people are completely different?

 

[peanutbutter12]

It can work, but it takes compromise on both sides, which sounds like neither of you think it's worth doing by the sounds of it. Frankly, in your situation, I would move on knowing that without making compromises on both sides that you weren't willing to do, that it wouldn't have worked out.

 

[Zeo]

To add to what Lynn said (and I completely agree with her), in relationships there will always be little differences and things that come up, but the huge difference here between that and your circumstance is the guy you're with has problems with a fundamental part of you, rather than your behavior. That's something you can't change, and as such, yes, it most likely will get worse. Just imagine all the other things you guys won't be able to stand about each other once you're married, or have been together for a year or so.

The fact is, I think we usually know pretty early on whether we're with a good match or not. It can be hard to listen to that instinct, especially when we really like the person we're with. But since it's so early for you, it might be best. Honestly, it's true that two very different people can fall in love and stay happy. The difference is that they genuinely accept their differences. Your boyfriend does not seem like he genuinely accepts yours. That, and the fact that you're asking in the first place expresses your concerns over this relationship.

Good luck with whatever decision you make.

 

[cloudthief]

I completely agree with the previous two posters.

I was engaged to a guy not too long ago and we thought that it was working, but we kept pushing down the thoughts and worries that we were having in the first couple of months of the relationship. We would compromise, but then they would come back. Eventually, those problems that we could never compromise satisfactory to both of us on, contributed to our break-up.

If you are having doubts, talk to God. Ask him His will for your relationship. Ask him what he wants you to do. He will give you an answer and he will help you. Be willing to listen to whatever he wants to tell you. It might be something that you don't want to hear. But be willing to listen to God and he will give you the help that you want.

 

[barefeetonholyground]

If you both are willing to compromise and do whatever the heck it takes sure it will work.

 

[Leanna]

If you're struggling after only 2 months, its just not going to work.

 

[Sunburst]

I have alot of thoughts about compromise. I'm Christian and my boyfriend's a Jew. We believe if this is going to workout then we are that strong together. Little stuff? If it's bugging you and not worth the work,then it won't work.

 

[GQ Chris]

Good that you recognize the issues.
Do not pass go, do not collect 200.

 

[k450ofu3k-gh-5ipe]

Having those kinds of problems in a relationship after only two months is a red flag imo. A wise, Christian counselor once told me that dating should go fairly smoothly as two people acclimate to one another. Eventually, the occasional bump will inevitably come along, but it shouldn't be so soon and be about such minor things. Seems like maybe your personalities clash too much.

Yes, two people can force anything to work out, but is it worth it?

 

[eatenbylocusts]

I have alot of thoughts about compromise. I'm Christian and my boyfriend's a Jew. We believe if this is going to workout then we are that strong together. Little stuff? If it's bugging you and not worth the work,then it won't work.

Are you saying that your belief in Jesus Christ as a Saviour can be compromised for the sake of a relationship? (Assuming your bf does not have this belief)

 

[Ceili]

I've been going out with my boyfriend for about 2 months and we care about each other a lot and enjoy being with each other. We struggle sometimes with the fact that we have a lot of differences. We have few similar interests, no friends in common and I'm a extremely picky eater and he's not which apparently gets on his nerves. We try to compromise but it doesn't always work. Am I naive to think that if we continue to talk and compromise that things should work themselves out and be fine ?Is it possible to have a good long health relationship when the two people are completely different?

In the long run? It can be touchy. I'm going through so much inner anger right now over my defunct relationship although I believe in change. If you 2 are too different to deal with opposites or unsimilarities,it won't be a smooth life.Agree?

 

[Ceili]

I reread your post too and I'm not saying to you Violet-"give up" what I mean is you know if it's not feeling right and you seem to bend way too much the relationship is not going to be smooth sailing. I think some girls (and guys) can make it work,so you have to do what you really feel is best in the long run.

 

[dmhforJesus]

I agree with Lynn and some of the other posters but hers made the most points. After 7 years of dating and overlooking the differences (which in my case - there was no compromise on his part I just learned to ignore our differences and so did he) and THEY dont go away when you do this - I now feel like I have wasted 7 years waiting on this to "grow up and become a real relationship" which it hasn't. Dont be like me and look back 7 years later and say "What was I thinking?"