When can I abandon him?

[caresforthebirds]

I have SSI (735 a month) and my husband has tried to get it, but he's foreign born and lacks work credits (if you are foreign you need them for SSI too for the period of time he's been in the country) and the lawyers wont even take his case...

I am fed up living at a little over half the poverty line... Considering living in a place smelling like cat pee and full of fleas because its all we can afford. Everyone exploiting us...

I'm going to try to work despite being disabled but if I can"t find it I might have to leave my husband because my money was meant for one person. In fact they CUT my quarterly checks because I am married. Our foodstamps were cut from 400 to 255 when we got married and we rely on the food bank. He has a special diet and I cant even stick to it. He used to live in an AFC home and hes so disabled taking care of him is burdensome too.

Also, he talks to and video chats with women online behind my back... Caught him again a couple days ago... Search my posts to see the examples of the problems Ive had with him.

When is enough going to be enough?

 

[caresforthebirds]

Now hes trying to guilt me saying I care more about money than him.

 

[Acts2:38]

I have SSI (735 a month) and my husband has tried to get it, but he's foreign born and lacks work credits (if you are foreign you need them for SSI too for the period of time he's been in the country) and the lawyers wont even take his case...

I am fed up living at a little over half the poverty line... Considering living in a place smelling like cat pee and full of fleas because its all we can afford. Everyone exploiting us...

I'm going to try to work despite being disabled but if I can"t find it I might have to leave my husband because my money was meant for one person. In fact they CUT my quarterly checks because I am married. Our foodstamps were cut from 400 to 255 when we got married and we rely on the food bank. He has a special diet and I cant even stick to it. He used to live in an AFC home and hes so disabled taking care of him is burdensome too.

Also, he talks to and video chats with women online behind my back... Caught him again a couple days ago... Search my posts to see the examples of the problems Ive had with him.

When is enough going to be enough?

Now hes trying to guilt me saying I care more about money than him.

Hello,

I truly am sorry that you both are struggling. Other than what you posted here, their seems to be more to this than meets the eye so to speak.

I see you put down "non denominational", I take it you believe in God then?

Does he?

Do you put Christ first? If so how much time do you devote to Him via study in the gospel, attending and assembling with fellow brothers and sisters whenever they meet, etc.?

What about him (if he believes in God)?

Without making my post too long to answer, I will stop here. It may not seem relevant to you but please answer these questions to the best of your ability and we can discuss the rest.

 

[ValleyGal]

Enough is enough when only you determine it's enough. I don't know what your husband's disability is, but he should not be wasting his time flirting with other women online; he should be trying to find ways of earning an income to help contribute to the home. If he is into computers, maybe he could figure out how to do work from home on a computer. If you are disabled, it is your income, and he should not be living off your income - especially when you are even considering finding a job in spite of your disability. He can do the same - find a job in spite of his disability.

But all of us can talk until our fingers are typed out here. Only you can determine when enough is enough.... and you'll know it when you come to that point. The Bible says that a man who does not provide for his family, is worse than a non-believer. For me, that means that people need to at least try to find a means of income, no matter what that might be.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

Well I'll be blunt.... the system is TERRIBLE when it comes to SSI/Food stamps..etc.

I'm on SSI and food stamps. My wife is from another country and only working part time. I to get normally over $733 with SSI and about $200 food stamps. A few months ago they lowered food stamps (in general) to just under $130. And on top of it if she makes to much money (like over $600) it lowers my SSI to around $400 and no food stamps. Though usually I lose most of it from food stamps first. To some they say "But your wife is making up for it!". Not really, we still end up in with the same amount of money. All it really does is means the gov gives less money since my wife is making up for it.

Which I totally understand of course. But at the same time it doesn't really help us make the bills unless shes working full time and makes more then I could get from SSI/Food Stamps and then some. We thankfully live at home but all my SSI and goes to my parents for rent, utilities, food...etc. Including some of my wifes (well our) money. It does feel like poverty at times. We may live at home but its still expensive even for my parents who barely make it. They go to the food pantry every week for food.

Many MANY couples (including christians) who get government help either divorce or just don't marry and live in sin (live together as if married) because its the only way to make ends meet.

Am I saying this to make you feel discouraged? No. Just letting you know I understand. Its hard, even more when married to someone from overseas. Granted to be fair your husband is also disabled so hes not working which is even harder.

But know God is in control. Have faith and stay strong. Stay married. And there is some good news, when your husband (if he does) files for citizenship he can apply for SSI, food stamps...etc. And medicaid also. I know for my wife she can file for citizenship in a few months (shes been here almost 5 years now). Granted filing cost over $1000 now. So there may be some hope in terms of that gov help later on.

And I also realize it probably is not easy telling people you depend on the gov you may feel like life is going no where. I used to feel the same. But things can get better. Its easy to say of course, I'm not you. But what else can we do really? We have the lives we have for now. Its why God is so vital in these situations.

Now to address the obvious thing.... he needs to stop talking to women online. I mean you give up alot as it is to have him here, and pay for things, and take care of him. And if I recall is he the one that doesn't let you talk to men and acts weird with his nephew? Since hes been here 5 years maybe ask a lawyer about how immigration works with people who think maybe are just using you and not really doing anything now that they are here. They may be able to do something. BTW not advocating divorce, but theres got to be some way to get help with/for him since hes not a citizen yet so he realizes being here is not easy when your on gov help.

 

[sdmsanjose]

Disabled people that get $735 SSI per month can get DECENT, SAFE, and Sanitary HUD apartments for a maximum of $210 per month. One such HUD program is the section 8/202 program; there are others.....You can get an apartment in just your name for only one person and you will have all legal authority as to who can live with you...It does not matter to HUD if you are married or not you can get an apartment for just yourself.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

I know for us Section 8 has been closed when it comes to taking names for years now. The list is so long that some people can wait 3-5 years just for a place to rent. And when they do have the place its usually always in the worst apartments you can rent in the county. Crime problems, black mold, drug dealers, roaches...etc. I do realize for some its better then nothing of course but I refuse to live in such places.

Why would I want to live somewhere so filthy that I end up with more health issues and die younger. Seems counter productive. Then again that just me. At least in the homeless shelters there are more rules and while not all house people every day, I don't have to worry as much. Or for some they just live out of their car if all else fails.

 

[sdmsanjose]

It is true that many section 8 housing programs have a 2-3 year waiting list…However there are some that have less than 2 years. It all depends on the city that you are in.


I work in the industry and I have seen a lot of section 8/202 housing for the elderly and handicap that are nothing like you describe. In fact they are very nice. HUD has a policy that the apartment complexes have to be inspected by the HUD state contract administrators and the national REAC inspectors. The apartment complexes that I have seen are very nice!


What state do you live in and what city has those apartments that you described?

 

[YodaMama]

I have SSI (735 a month) and my husband has tried to get it, but he's foreign born and lacks work credits (if you are foreign you need them for SSI too for the period of time he's been in the country) and the lawyers wont even take his case...

I am fed up living at a little over half the poverty line... Considering living in a place smelling like cat pee and full of fleas because its all we can afford. Everyone exploiting us...

I'm going to try to work despite being disabled but if I can"t find it I might have to leave my husband because my money was meant for one person. In fact they CUT my quarterly checks because I am married. Our foodstamps were cut from 400 to 255 when we got married and we rely on the food bank. He has a special diet and I cant even stick to it. He used to live in an AFC home and hes so disabled taking care of him is burdensome too.

Also, he talks to and video chats with women online behind my back... Caught him again a couple days ago... Search my posts to see the examples of the problems Ive had with him.

When is enough going to be enough?

If you don't have enough money for food then cut the internet, etc.