when an abuser repents

[Godislove94]

If the one who abuses you repents, does that mean that you'll never get justice from God? I'm convinced my dad is a narcissist or a sociopath and I don't care if he doesn't make Heaven. I'm so sick of his crap and I wish God would strike him down into the pit of hell. :'(

 

[TomCS]

.

 

[Semiday]

Can you imagine the new world that God has made for us, and every person there is bringing with them all the hate and anger and the lust for revenge that they picked up in this world? the new world would soon be just like this one, God will not allow this to happen! remember the Lords preyer
...forgive us our offenses, as we forgive those who offend us...(in the sam way that)
To forgiving is not easy, it takes effort, real effort but if you don,t forgive, you will have to accuse your dad before God, you will get justice, but then all the things that you have done will also be remembered and then others will accuse you, and they will also get justice, so it never ends. you MUST forgive him, (easy for me to say) but you MUST or it will rebound on you. Ian

 

[Semiday]

Can you imagine the new world that God has made for us, and every person there is bringing with them all the hate and anger and the lust for revenge that they picked up in this world? the new world would soon be just like this one, God will not allow this to happen! remember the Lords preyer
...forgive us our offenses, as we forgive those who offend us...(in the sam way that)
To forgiving is not easy, it takes effort, real effort but if you don,t forgive, you will have to accuse your dad before God, you will get justice, but then all the things that you have done will also be remembered and then others will accuse you, and they will also get justice, so it never ends. you MUST forgive him, (easy for me to say) but you MUST or it will rebound on you. Ian

 

[CryOfALion]

Can you imagine the new world that God has made for us, and every person there is bringing with them all the hate and anger and the lust for revenge that they picked up in this world? the new world would soon be just like this one, God will not allow this to happen! remember the Lords preyer
...forgive us our offenses, as we forgive those who offend us...(in the sam way that)
To forgiving is not easy, it takes effort, real effort but if you don,t forgive, you will have to accuse your dad before God, you will get justice, but then all the things that you have done will also be remembered and then others will accuse you, and they will also get justice, so it never ends. you MUST forgive him, (easy for me to say) but you MUST or it will rebound on you. Ian

A refreshing perspective on why we have to forgive, probably because it is just consequential and logical. I would imagine if I got "justice" in the form of punishment for my abusers, then anyone else I have offended would have a sound argument against me (ad nauseum.) It would be fair. That profits no one, I guess, to not forgive.

I won't say that a Christian that cannot forgive would go to hell. But, if you don't forgive and want for "justice" (assuming you don't get it, otherwise we get the former,) then you won't have peace. And, the kingdom to come would be like earth now very quickly. I can't say it is easy to do, though... to forgive. I share others fears.

 

[Godislove94]

To be clear, my father has not repented. I'm considering going and letting the police know everything that goes on in our house because last night he tried to attack my mom after he accused my sister's friend of stealing some of his pills, which she didn't do. My mom defended her friend and he proceeded to call her obscene names and charge at her like an animal, then throw things at her. I'm not sure if I should do this though because if nothing gets done my dad will get revenge on me any way he can.

I'm convinced that my father is a narcissist or a sociopath and I just want him out of my life forever. I don't know what to do.

 

[Godislove94]

To be clear, my father has not repented. I'm considering going and letting the police know everything that goes on in our house because last night he tried to attack my mom after he accused my sister's friend of stealing some of his pills, which she didn't do. My mom defended her friend and he proceeded to call her obscene names and charge at her like an animal, then throw things at her. I'm not sure if I should do this though because if nothing gets done my dad will get revenge on me any way he can.

I'm convinced that my father is a narcissist or a sociopath and I just want him out of my life forever. I don't know what to do.

 

[Willie T]

"Father, forgive us, exactly the same way and amount that we forgive others, no more and no less."

It's a bummer, but we do have to deal with that. Being abused doesn't make us any different in this than all the rest of the world. They just might have different things to forgive people for.

If you have not looked into Joyce Meyer's life where this is concerned, I would highly suggest it.

 

[Semiday]

Consider the people 2000 years ago, they had to forgive Saul the persecutor of the church, and that even before his conversion into Paul the equivalent of a Jew forgiving the SS guard Ian

 

[rick357]

To be clear, my father has not repented. I'm considering going and letting the police know everything that goes on in our house because last night he tried to attack my mom after he accused my sister's friend of stealing some of his pills, which she didn't do. My mom defended her friend and he proceeded to call her obscene names and charge at her like an animal, then throw things at her. I'm not sure if I should do this though because if nothing gets done my dad will get revenge on me any way he can.

I'm convinced that my father is a narcissist or a sociopath and I just want him out of my life forever. I don't know what to do.

*[[Rom 5:6-10]] WEB*
For while we were yet weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly.
For one will hardly die for a righteous man. Yet perhaps for a righteous person someone would even dare to die.
But God commends his own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
Much more then, being now justified by his blood, we will be saved from God’s wrath through him.
For if, while we were enemies, we were reconciled to God through the death of his Son, much more, being reconciled, we will be saved by his life.
Forgivness is not about anyone getting away with anything...Jesus paid a unthinkable price for our sin.
Forgiving is also not about forgetting or accepting something as having no significance...in other words you forgiving does not make what is happening ok.
The bible says anyone who commits sin is a slave to that sin...and sin is like a cancer that spreads through a person and spills over into every person they meet....forgiving is how we keep their sin from coming into us.
Your father is abusive because he is angry...now I dont know why but it doesnt matter...its possible he does not know...but he has become enslaved by it...no matter how much family...or friends...or life it cost him whithout Jesus he cant escape....that is terrible
But you are here saying you find yourself disagreeing with the bible over forgivness...and trust me I understand. I want to help the way Jesus helped me....part of that...the first step is understanding that his hatfulness has infected you so that you have become hatful toward him.
In him it may be a large looming tree...in you only a seed....but with time seeds grow....this is why you must forgive and pray for those who despitefully use you.
As to your father he has two choices continue in hate and be destroyed in hell or turn to Jesus and let what he suffered pay for his wrong and recieve his love that he may learn to love others.

This is also your two choices

 

[Semiday]

to Willie T
I tried to send you a letter but I do not have enough 'posts' so my letter was rejected
the letter was quite long and I do not have the heart to write it again in case it is rejected again. I will try again when I have 15 posts

 

[razzelflabben]

I have spent the last few years in deep study of Biblical love. The most recent study completed was how to love in our relationships, including but not limited to our enemies, of which our abusers could be classified. So in an attempt to conform to scripture, I began to at least try to pray for those who had abused me, beginning with my parents. I didn't get very far . But as I prayed and as I asked God to give me HIs vision, His heart, something became clear to me. I was not separating the people from their sins. For example, to me, in my eyes, my father is his sin, there is no distinction between the sin and the sinner. In the eyes of God, they can be separated and He desires that they do, just like we were separated from our sins.

What I realized that day is that I had apathy to my father being in heaven (not quite to the point of love yet) but I could not tolerate his sin being anywhere near me and my Lord and King. IOW's somewhere, in the depths of all the sin that you have witnessed at the hands of your father, is an image of the living God. We all have that image, it is the image that all mankind was created in, but over time, and unchecked, unforgiven sin, that image becomes buried so deep that it takes the supernatural love of the living God to be able to see what the man is suppose to be, who God wants him to be. The man that God created Him to be. If that image, that man that God intended is restored to your father, there is no need for him to not be in our heaven, in our lives, because in that restoration, rather than sin, we see the reflection of Jesus, whose love is pure, just, unfailing, and eternal.

Just a bit of what I have learned, may you find strength to forgive, grace to pray for reconciliation first to God than to others. May you see the image that God intends, and have the wisdom to help your abusers be reconciled to God so that all the world can see the Love God has for us and the compassion He extends to each of us.

 

[razzelflabben]

To be clear, my father has not repented. I'm considering going and letting the police know everything that goes on in our house because last night he tried to attack my mom after he accused my sister's friend of stealing some of his pills, which she didn't do. My mom defended her friend and he proceeded to call her obscene names and charge at her like an animal, then throw things at her. I'm not sure if I should do this though because if nothing gets done my dad will get revenge on me any way he can.

I'm convinced that my father is a narcissist or a sociopath and I just want him out of my life forever. I don't know what to do.

how old are you...are you old enough to move out? Let's start there, then we will move on to the rest of the family.

 

[Willie T]

to Willie T
I tried to send you a letter but I do not have enough 'posts' so my letter was rejected
the letter was quite long and I do not have the heart to write it again in case it is rejected again. I will try again when I have 15 posts

Looking forward to it. You only have four posts to go.

 

[Willie T]

Consider the people 2000 years ago, they had to forgive Saul the persecutor of the church, and that even before his conversion into Paul the equivalent of a Jew forgiving the SS guard Ian

Yep. And just about every one of us has been wronged by someone... some of us even more severely than being abused.

It could be said this is just my opinion, but I think the Bible clearly links our ability to forgive to many very serious Biblical basics.

 

[Godislove94]

how old are you...are you old enough to move out? Let's start there, then we will move on to the rest of the family.

I'm 20 years old, but unfortunately am unable to move out because I'm paying tuition with no help from anyone (no scholarships, no parental help because my mom can't afford to and my dad won't pay for anything that isn't spent on himself).

What angers me is that it seems the Bible is telling us to just put up with abuse like it doesn't happen and to be warm and affectionate with people even though they continue to hurt us, and to forego the idea of getting justice for ourselves so other people can.

 

[razzelflabben]

I'm 20 years old, but unfortunately am unable to move out because I'm paying tuition with no help from anyone (no scholarships, no parental help because my mom can't afford to and my dad won't pay for anything that isn't spent on himself).

I understand that better than you might think. How much more school do you have?

What angers me is that it seems the Bible is telling us to just put up with abuse like

okay, I think we need to talk about what biblical love is for a moment. Most people don't really understand what it is. The best definition I can figure out is...putting another above yourself in an act of humility creating a covenant whose intent/purpose is reconciliation/restoration. Lots of people forget the goal part of Love, they also miss the humility part of love.

Loving someone with the love of Christ is as much or more about how love changes you anything about the other person. IOW's Loving in this case, your father is more about how you react to your father than anything at all about him. Let me see, an example from my own life....one of the things my father did to me, was use a chemical on the cat that I have anaphylaxis reactions to. So this one day, he used the chemical on the cat and they were ready to force me to go to the ER for treatment so that I didn't die. My father responded by putting the chemical on the carpet and then laughing when I couldn't breath. Without love, I would turn this on myself and delve into a world of self loathing and or self pity. It becomes all about me and how I am treated. In love, that is, when I love my father, I think less about myself and so the self loathing and/or self pity is absorbed into how God sees me and turns the "pity" on my father who is being so evil that he is grieving God and those around him in ways that our human nature cannot understand. Right now, you are seeing only what is happening to you and your family, not the destruction that you father is bringing upon himself.

it doesn't happen and to be warm and affectionate with people even though they continue to hurt us,

again, this is a misconception about love. Consider Jesus using a whip to over turn the money changers, or when He called the pharisees white washed tombs or a den of vipers. Love understands the evil and is not okay with it. In fact, Love detests evil. Love does not enable the evil to continue, but rather love purposes to expose the evil for what it is and in that bring about reconciliation/restoration. I Cor. 13, the great love chapter, verse...6 love does NOT rejoice in evil. If we condone evil, if we enable evil, if we dismiss it, we are NOT loving. But be careful in this, because verse 5 tells us that love does not keep records of wrong or is easily angered, iow's like I mentioned above, Love changes us as well. We no longer are governed by the anger, hostility, record keeping that we once lived it, because in Love we are freed from all that. But at the same time, the things that grieve God grieve us, the things that anger Him anger us, etc.

Heard a story once about a man who was put in the concentration camps of Nazi Germany. He said that every night when they were left alone to sleep, they would quote scriptures to one another for encouragement. One night, they were too beaten down to remember a single scripture and so they laid there, wondering where God was. In that moment, one passage came to mind, "Jesus wept" the man said, that is when He realized that God was right there with them, weeping along with them at the evil that had befallen His once perfect world. Jesus is weeping with you and your family, in fact, I believe that every abused person needs to come to the point in which they can see Jesus weeping with them. It can be very healing.

and to forego the idea of getting justice for ourselves so other people can.

so other people can what? This sentence seems unfinished. God does tell us that vengeance is His. He also tells us that we will be "rewarded" according to what we have done. IOW's your father will not just "get away with it even if He repents on His death bed. But you also need to understand that it is not for you to judge or to punish the deeds of another, that is God's job, and it is best left to Him because He is not thinking about it through the emotional state that we come to it with. Rather, He has a measure, an exact measure by which to judge, a measure by which to punish. If this were not true, then like others here have said, you could fall prey to the exact same punishment even if your crimes seemed "minimal" to you, because emotions don't really care how badly someone hurts us, only that we have been wronged.

 

[anonym00s]

Delete post

 

[anonym00s]

delete post

 

[Semiday]

Yes you have got it exactly, In the story of the woman taken in adultery it was this logic that made the Jews back away from demanding the death of the woman, it was made clear to them that if they invoked the law on the woman, they would be condemned by the same law. There is more to this story but in a nut shell that was what happened