What's wrong?

[grace24]

Commonly when a guy meet up with a girl and they started to hang out, then they starting text, talk on phone, etc... the next thing you know she's gone. You don't hear anything back. What is wrong in this situation?

I remember it has happened to me. I was really confused because we started out having a high interested level with each other. Then, this person told me "I just want to stay single" etc. Over the years I've learned the psychology behind these statements. What they are telling you is they don't want to date you!

How would you resolve this problem when you are in this situation? I'm sure many people are confused too.

 

[Blank123]

I've only ever just suddenly dropped a guy because he was invading my personal space and coming on too strong after I've told him to slow down (and never someone I was already dating). But yes, more often than not if a woman (or man) says, "I'm not interested in dating right now." it means she's not attracted to you in that way.

All you can do is respect their decision and move on.

 

[Saucy]

Sounds like they weren't interested or after getting to know you, they realized you weren't the right one.

 

[Toro]

Never dealt with it before as I have always gotten the respect everyone deserves. Up and disappearing without a reason why is childish and selfish and centers around "I don't want to be uncomfortable" instead of worrying how long the other person will hold on and wonder why without ever having closure.

If it did happen to me, I would probably wonder why. A few days of not hearing from them I would say.... "hmmm interesting".... days turn to weekes, weeks to months, months to years and as with anything failed. it would be a long forgotten memory

 

[PetLuv]

I've never done this; I always found it immature.
I had something similar to me done to me for the first time a few months ago and found it one of the most hurtful things I remember experiencing.

In the end I just accepted the fact I was better off with learning this about his character after 5-6 months than later on and the reasons he did it were not relevant to me at all. Whatever you do or did not do is smaller than the mental health issues someone who would do this has.

They are playing grownup; willing to do all the fun parts of dating but not the real life parts of it.
Find the good in it and use it to make yourself better and to treat others as you know you want to be treated.

 

[mjere]

Commonly when a guy meet up with a girl and they started to hang out, then they starting text, talk on phone, etc... the next thing you know she's gone. You don't hear anything back. What is wrong in this situation?

I remember it has happened to me. I was really confused because we started out having a high interested level with each other. Then, this person told me "I just want to stay single" etc. Over the years I've learned the psychology behind these statements. What they are telling you is they don't want to date you!

How would you resolve this problem when you are in this situation? I'm sure many people are confused too.

It depends. From a woman's perspective.

if the woman was a non-believer, I don't believe two should have a connection until spiritual talk came into play, and so the man can praise God for delivering them from a "wishy washy" person who wasn't looking to grow a friendship first.

But there are guys who come on too strong and send signals off that they are going to be "high maintenance" and most women don't respond well to these types of men. They start talking about kids, marriage, they start sharing intimate details too early on, or want to call/text you all hours of the day... those guys will definitely get the "I want to stay single" text because they are in the relationship for selfish reasons- they're lonely, they're wanting you to bless them, inspire them, etc. Those types of people never came to understand that friendships take time, and they don't happen overnight. Even if God's told you that is your wife, you don't go to expecting her to understand this is two minutes or two weeks. It's actually offensive.

I want to stay single really should translate, "you may have heard from God about me, but God hasn't share that with me; and until He does, I'm not moving further."

 

[Rhye]

I've never done this; I always found it immature.
I had something similar to me done to me for the first time a few months ago and found it one of the most hurtful things I remember experiencing.

In the end I just accepted the fact I was better off with learning this about his character after 5-6 months than later on and the reasons he did it were not relevant to me at all. Whatever you do or did not do is smaller than the mental health issues someone who would do this has.

They are playing grownup; willing to do all the fun parts of dating but not the real life parts of it.
Find the good in it and use it to make yourself better and to treat others as you know you want to be treated.

Well said.

 

[Neve]

Commonly when a guy meet up with a girl and they started to hang out, then they starting text, talk on phone, etc... the next thing you know she's gone. You don't hear anything back. What is wrong in this situation?

I remember it has happened to me. I was really confused because we started out having a high interested level with each other. Then, this person told me "I just want to stay single" etc. Over the years I've learned the psychology behind these statements. What they are telling you is they don't want to date you!

How would you resolve this problem when you are in this situation? I'm sure many people are confused too.

I think I did this to a very nice guy over the summer. But let me explain - he was someone in my class, and he clearly way more interested in me than I was in him. Initially, I thought he just wanted to be friends with me. But after he took me to dinner at a nice concert, it was clear to me that he wanted to be more than friends, but how do you break it off with someone when the dating phase was never really official (e.g., lunches together, the concert, etc)? Luckily for me, he took a trip to the Netherlands right after that concert so I just never met up with him when he came back to the States. And frankly, I felt like I was doing him a favor because he wouldn't have to waste more time and money on a woman who isn't interested. I don't know what I would have done if he hadn't left the country!

 

[Jupiter Drops]

Commonly when a guy meet up with a girl and they started to hang out, then they starting text, talk on phone, etc... the next thing you know she's gone. You don't hear anything back. What is wrong in this situation?

I remember it has happened to me. I was really confused because we started out having a high interested level with each other. Then, this person told me "I just want to stay single" etc. Over the years I've learned the psychology behind these statements. What they are telling you is they don't want to date you!

How would you resolve this problem when you are in this situation? I'm sure many people are confused too.

I had to do it.

He just didn't know how to take a hint, even though I said many times before to him the exact word, "No."

Some people just don't know when to quit. I did him a favor.

 

[anewday]

Just move on and be glad it didn't get any more serious than it was.

 

[Nom De Guerre]

Wait, why did it take you years to figure out "the psychology" behind that!?

 

[Sketcher]

How would you resolve this problem when you are in this situation? I'm sure many people are confused too.

Detatch from her. You need to be with someone who 1) Doesn't want to stay single and 2) is honest. Whoever that was failed one of those two criteria.

 

[redblue22]

I've had it done to me, I've done it to others. Sometimes intentional, sometimes accidental. (lose a number, forget a name, notice he/she hasn't called either) Sometimes I've taken the hint, sometimes I ask directly. And it comes in degrees. Everything from silence to lying to complete detailed explanation to someone who treats you bad so you'll go away. Sometimes you're still debating it inside and you might give them a chance. Each situation is different. I'm not going to explain myself to a girl with a bad temper--because that is the reason it ain't working. And mistakes are made. Sometimes you really do stay friends. Sometimes they seek endless revenge. Sometimes you are dropped and you become a victim.

It can be depressing to feel stuck with someone it ain't working out with. And it can be bad to make out or share feeling and never hear again from them. But the worst has to be when you end things honestly, but then somehow later give it a second chance and wish you hadn't. People will jump any hoop to get you, but they go right back to before. Feeling tricked and trapped is a bad place to be. Ironically, I did love a girl once and took things slow. She got mad one day thinking I wasn't really interested. In her rage, she confessed her feelings for me, but also said she didn't want anything to do with me or hear anything I had to say. (still, the worst is being tricked back in and trapped)

Yep, it is hard to deal with the confusion, anger, fear, tricks, lies, feeling stupid, shame, embarrassment, guilt, revenge, ruined reputation, wanting to run, feeling trapped, people coming on too strong, sadness of thnking you were so happy in love, feeling a loss of self-respect, not knowing what the heck to do, wishful thinking, and sometimes facing an angry boy/girlfriend you had no idea about who has even less self-respect cause they are sticking around and taking it.

You are the lucky one to get out.

The best ones are where she drops you coldly, you stand there holding it all in, and you get down the street when she's out of sight and burst into tears of laughter.