Hello forum, It has been sometime since I've written. I don't know what my problem is but heres my deal. It seems that whenever I get into a relationship with someone that I love, when I drink sometimes I'm like a timebomb...it's like I go crazy. I become this violent, scary monster and waking up to the destruction and the aftermath makes me......I don't understand why I do these things...I mean I never get mean when It's just with my friends but when I'm in a meaningful relationship my wrath comes out and I just hate the person I become. I don't want to lose the man that I'm with but if I do then I willhave to deal with it.... I just wish I could take back what I've done. Things have been going so wonderful with us, we were progressing with our relationship, talking about our future and I go and mess it up by lashing out at him. I already told him that I'm done with alchohol and believeme I am and that is so hard for me to do.... I know I will probably not have as mmany friends, or my support system of ladies I can turn to when we go thorough breakups but all they know is going out for drinks here and there blah Im so done with that life.. I want a life of peace I really do...but do you think this man who's seen me like this will even want to get close to me again? Is that possible? Would he be sick for wanting to be with me? Can I turn this around? Can he let himself love me that way again? Please please please please pray for me and my problem I need it. I will kick this habit with a quickness if it means I can live a peacful, meaningful life full of love. Please let me know what to do? What's my problem? WHy only with the ones I love?
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What's Wrong With Me?
- Thread starter Lfoxx
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leftoverture
Former Member
Sounds like alcohol is but a symptom of something deeper in your life. I can't really say, because I do not know you, but that is what it sounds like from your description. Staying away from the alcohol is surely a good idea, and there is AA and Celebrate Recovery if you need help with it. But for the underlying issues I would suggest finding a reputable Christian counselor. Your church, if you belong to one, should be able to help you find one. Most insurance plans will cover Christian counseling.
If this man you are seeing truly loves you and wants to pursue a committed relationship, he will be able to forgive and move on. It will be easier for him, of course, if you are seeking help for the problems you have already identified yourself as having.
God bless,
Tim
If this man you are seeing truly loves you and wants to pursue a committed relationship, he will be able to forgive and move on. It will be easier for him, of course, if you are seeking help for the problems you have already identified yourself as having.
God bless,
Tim
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MelWright
Regular Member
As leftoverture said, it sounds like a symptom of something deeper. It sounds just like my mum, have a drink and turn into a monster. Except she never realises it when shes sobre. That is a good thing going for you, you realise you have a problem. If there is anything else going on feel free to pm me if you dont want to write on here. Ive lived with my mum for years so I understand what you are talking about.
I think if it was just the once, and you really make an effort to change he could be able to give you another chance. I hope so, as you obviously care about him to want to change and sort out your problems.
You have to want to change for yourself though, not anyone else. You cant change just for this guy because if further down the line you did break up it may tempt you to go back. Please make sure its for yourself.
mel
I think if it was just the once, and you really make an effort to change he could be able to give you another chance. I hope so, as you obviously care about him to want to change and sort out your problems.
You have to want to change for yourself though, not anyone else. You cant change just for this guy because if further down the line you did break up it may tempt you to go back. Please make sure its for yourself.
mel
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Used to have a girlfriend who was like that whenever she drank hard liquor. Beer or wine and she could control herself but the hard stuff and there would be trouble.
I think that sort of behaviour is not uncommon. The tendency to treat loved ones and family in ways we wouldn't dream of treating friends. Alcohol's ability to lower the inhibitions, compounds the problem. It has the ability to literally turn a molehill into a mountain. A small disagreement into grounds for divorce or breakup.
More then 3 drinks impairs a persons ability to operate a motor vehicle. In my experience it also impairs the ability to be in a successful, peaceful and loving relationship.
I think that sort of behaviour is not uncommon. The tendency to treat loved ones and family in ways we wouldn't dream of treating friends. Alcohol's ability to lower the inhibitions, compounds the problem. It has the ability to literally turn a molehill into a mountain. A small disagreement into grounds for divorce or breakup.
More then 3 drinks impairs a persons ability to operate a motor vehicle. In my experience it also impairs the ability to be in a successful, peaceful and loving relationship.
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Divinah
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Fix it. Yes you can fix it. Yes you will drive him away and mess it up for good if you continue. All the underlying questions you had on your thread seemed to be...If I continue this way questions. Dont. Fix it. Stop like you said...or it will be living out every nightmare your projecting in your mind now. But when you choose to stop and turn to the Lord...you choose his blessings over your own curses. Overcoming drinking will be the minimum of your blessings. Glory to God! 
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angelgabrielle1973
Active Member
I do some crazy stuff too when I'm drunk. I know drinking grieves the holy spirit and it stops my spiritual growth. I have tried many times to stop drinking but when something stressful happens, I turn to it once again. Just recently, we had one of our employees retain his employment with us under the condition that he joins and attends A. A. on a regular basis. He did attend over the weekend and I am very proud of him. Now, it's my turn to join! 
One thing that keeps me from going for it is knowing who will be there as part of the group. I mean ... I used to work at a halfway house, as the director, and they would have A. A. meetings. Those participating HAD TO attend as part of their prison / halfway house sentence.
I do have certain questions about those within the group like male:female ratio ... and how many of them are there on a voluntary basis vs. being "forced" to attend. I am curious about this and I think it would be for the best ... who knows, perhaps when completing the 12 step program, I could become a sponsor and maybe even open a chapter out of our church. That would be nice! It would be a wonderful opportunity to minister to others with the same struggle and help them to get to know Christ!
One thing that keeps me from going for it is knowing who will be there as part of the group. I mean ... I used to work at a halfway house, as the director, and they would have A. A. meetings. Those participating HAD TO attend as part of their prison / halfway house sentence.
I do have certain questions about those within the group like male:female ratio ... and how many of them are there on a voluntary basis vs. being "forced" to attend. I am curious about this and I think it would be for the best ... who knows, perhaps when completing the 12 step program, I could become a sponsor and maybe even open a chapter out of our church. That would be nice! It would be a wonderful opportunity to minister to others with the same struggle and help them to get to know Christ!
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Hiya angel, welcome to this section of the forum.
Lack of power is the alcoholics dilemna. Like you I tried many times to quit on my own through a combination of prayer and willpower but was never able to succeed. Because the disease of alcoholism is progressive I finally reached a point where God put it strongly on my heart that He was putting before me life or death. If I was to continue on the path I was on, I would be dead within 6 months, if I wanted life then I needed to do something about it. That something was to attend meetings and work the Steps through which I would be able to access the power He has available for us when we work for it. Yeah I know, that sounds counter to "by faith alone" but I got to tell you what worked, not what some say is supposed to.
I hesitated going to the first meeting because of the fear of who might be there but in the end I surrendered to going because it wasn't about who was there, what they thought, how many men vs women, or even their reasons for being there. It boiled down to why I was there. It was my chance for life and the rest was immaterial.
That was over 13 years ago and I have seen people come in and people go out again. Some came back and some died but by the grace of God I am there clean and sober and experiencing life like I never knew it could be experienced. Stresses come and go but I have been able to go through them without so much as a thought of picking up a drink even though in my drinking days lesser events would have been a reason for a major bender.
Keep the focus on your own recovery and good things will come to pass.
Yours in Christ.
Lack of power is the alcoholics dilemna. Like you I tried many times to quit on my own through a combination of prayer and willpower but was never able to succeed. Because the disease of alcoholism is progressive I finally reached a point where God put it strongly on my heart that He was putting before me life or death. If I was to continue on the path I was on, I would be dead within 6 months, if I wanted life then I needed to do something about it. That something was to attend meetings and work the Steps through which I would be able to access the power He has available for us when we work for it. Yeah I know, that sounds counter to "by faith alone" but I got to tell you what worked, not what some say is supposed to.
I hesitated going to the first meeting because of the fear of who might be there but in the end I surrendered to going because it wasn't about who was there, what they thought, how many men vs women, or even their reasons for being there. It boiled down to why I was there. It was my chance for life and the rest was immaterial.
That was over 13 years ago and I have seen people come in and people go out again. Some came back and some died but by the grace of God I am there clean and sober and experiencing life like I never knew it could be experienced. Stresses come and go but I have been able to go through them without so much as a thought of picking up a drink even though in my drinking days lesser events would have been a reason for a major bender.
Keep the focus on your own recovery and good things will come to pass.
Yours in Christ.
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angelgabrielle1973
Active Member
So I have been thinking of joining AA and after reading what's on here and talking extensively with a friend of mine last night, it's time to join! Yes, if I continue on this path of destruction, sooner or later it will give birth to death. I have a decision to make, and I decide to live for Christ.
Last night, my friend explained to me how excited she gets when I tell her about something I did for the Lord ... and how she eagerly awaits my testimony about overcoming alcholism.
Well, I do have testimony about how the Lord saved me from a homosexual lifestyle.
I also have testimony about how he granted me this job, it was over a year in waiting.
He also gave me the strength to care for my mother during the last two years of her life.
He provided the finances during that time since I had to resign my employment to help care for her. It was not an easy task, but he helped me through every step of the way.
He granted me peace and joy upon my mother's death.
He granted me patience from the moment of her death until her funeral because I had to figure out where I was going to get the money for the funeral expense, the burial plot, and the open / closing of the grave. He provided exactly what I needed!
But now? Where's my testimony about defeating alcohol abuse? Right now it's not there. So I have a decision to make. And in the end, there will be testimony! Perhaps a testimony about self-control? We'll see.
In Christ,
~Angel Gabrielle~
Last night, my friend explained to me how excited she gets when I tell her about something I did for the Lord ... and how she eagerly awaits my testimony about overcoming alcholism.
Well, I do have testimony about how the Lord saved me from a homosexual lifestyle.
I also have testimony about how he granted me this job, it was over a year in waiting.
He also gave me the strength to care for my mother during the last two years of her life.
He provided the finances during that time since I had to resign my employment to help care for her. It was not an easy task, but he helped me through every step of the way.
He granted me peace and joy upon my mother's death.
He granted me patience from the moment of her death until her funeral because I had to figure out where I was going to get the money for the funeral expense, the burial plot, and the open / closing of the grave. He provided exactly what I needed!
But now? Where's my testimony about defeating alcohol abuse? Right now it's not there. So I have a decision to make. And in the end, there will be testimony! Perhaps a testimony about self-control? We'll see.
In Christ,
~Angel Gabrielle~
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But now? Where's my testimony about defeating alcohol abuse? Right now it's not there. So I have a decision to make. And in the end, there will be testimony! Perhaps a testimony about self-control? We'll see.
In Christ,
~Angel Gabrielle~
I commend you on your decision. Now to follow it up with an action.
Testimony about self-control? Yes we'll see.
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Healed_IHS
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Sister,
I am a recovering alcoholic, and can identify with what you shared. There have been several relationships where my drinking led to episodes that I am not very proud of. It saddens me when I think about the destruction that it caused others in my life. Good people, who did not deserve what I said or did.
All I can say is, if the relationship was not meant to last it was not meant to last. Please, don't let the drinking be the deciding factor, or your legacy to him.
I am a recovering alcoholic, and can identify with what you shared. There have been several relationships where my drinking led to episodes that I am not very proud of. It saddens me when I think about the destruction that it caused others in my life. Good people, who did not deserve what I said or did.
All I can say is, if the relationship was not meant to last it was not meant to last. Please, don't let the drinking be the deciding factor, or your legacy to him.
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