What's wrong with me?

[fisherman2]

I grew up with a non loving mother and dad, the woman i married put me in bankruptsy and pushed me away, another i fell in love with got tired of me, and the last that said she loved me, is gone with out a single word.
All i have left is Jesus, i guess that is all i need. I just wish i knew what was wrong with me, that no one wants me.

 

[Anti Existance]

Well as long as you love and support yourself, then you have nothing to blame yourself i guess. Everyone has their own free will, can't do a thing about that.

 

[ephraimanesti]

I grew up with a non loving mother and dad, the woman i married put me in bankruptsy and pushed me away, another i fell in love with got tired of me, and the last that said she loved me, is gone with out a single word.
All i have left is Jesus, i guess that is all i need. I just wish i knew what was wrong with me, that no one wants me.

MY DEAR BROTHER IN CHRIST,

"Coincidentially", i just read the following this evening and Posted it on my Blog. It perhaps presents a partial answer as to why you are where you are.

Glory To God For His Merciful Guidance!​

"There is a main way by which we realize our spiritual state and that is the failures in our life. When the few props on which we base our whole life are withdrawn; when we reach the point of saying like the disciples who were travelling towards Emmaous: "we trusted that it had been He which should have redeemed Israel" (Luke 24:21); we will be able to see Christ and seek the new life which Christ gives. Failures in our personal or family and social life bring us to an impasse. Then if we have an inner disposition for it, we will find the outlet, which is Christ. Worldly despair which is associated with hope in God can lead us to the awareness of our spiritual condition.

"God 'will have all men to be saved, and to come unto the knowledge of the truth' (I Timothy 2:4). And because He wants everyone to be saved, He creates the appropriate conditions. One is called through worldly despair, the other through the illumination of divine Light, the third through reading, another through his meeting with a holy person, who has the experience of the life of the Church -- the holy and blessed Body of Christ. God sends His grace and His blessing to all in various ways."

--Metropolitan of Nafpaktos Hierotheos"THE ILLNESS AND CURE OF THE SOUL IN THE ORTHODOX TRADITION"​

God has given you the greatest gift He has to give: His Only Begotten Son, Jesus Christ. (You say "the only thing i have left is Jesus like that was a bad thing!) If He has already given you the ultimate, are not all other things which are likewise in your best interests yours for the asking.
Seek God's Face now--concentrate on developing THAT relationship, and all else which you need will freely be given unto you.

MAY YOU BE BLESSED,
ephraim

 

[tapero]

Hi, Don't let the experiences tell you lies. That's what happens in divorce; you wind up believing lies about yourself because the other person's behavior or speech said so. You are well loved by God, and there are many women looking for a good man to love. Think of the women you are choosing and choose different types of women. God bless you, Tapero

 

[c1ners]

I'm pretty sure nothing is wrong with you.
God has a mate out there for everybody.
You just haven't found the right one yet.
Pray, and ask God to show her to you.
Pray, and believe.

 

[RomanPrincess]

oh stop that................don't you know you(and all God's children) are the apple of Gods eye? He loves you more than any other person can.

 

[UnitynLove]

Recently, the Lord gave me this Word for a meeting I was preparing for, and I believe He wants me to give it to you. He said:
"So many are in prison because they won't accept themselves. So many are so gifted and talented, but they won't express themselves because they fear rejection. They fear man. They fear what people will think.
I want to love My people, but they hold Me at arm's length and won't let Me really love them because they have been hurt by others. They fear I will reject them because of their weaknesses like people have. But I will never reject them. TELL THEM I LOVE THEM . Ask them to stop trying so hard to be acceptable to Me and to realize I accept them where they are. Tell them I don't want PERFECT PERFORMANCE from them. I want them to love Me and to let Me love them."
The Lord has been having me minister to the body of believers concerning how He looks for a perfect heart and not perfect performance. We will not impress God with our works unless our heart is pure. A lot of people think God won't use them until every area of their life is perfected. That type of thinking keeps people from allowing God to use them. He uses us in spite of us, not because of us. This doesn't mean that we should have a loose attitude and not desire to live a holy life. A person whose heart is perfect towards God is always going to earnestly and zealously desire to please God in all things. But we must also remember that Hebrews 4:15 teaches us that we do not have a High Priest Who is unable to understand and sympathize and have a fellow feeling with our weaknesses, infirmities and liabilities to the assaults of temptation, but One Who has been tempted in every respect as we are, yet without sinning. Verse 16 encourages us in light of verse 15 to draw near to God's throne and receive mercy for our failures and to go ahead and get grace to help us in our time of need. This is one of God's ways of saying He won't reject you because of your weaknesses or because of your mistakes.
Most of us have grown up on a "merry-go-round" of trying to please people so they won't reject us. We all have an inbred need to be loved. People usually love you based on your performance. If you do what they want you to do, they accept you. But if you don't, they reject you. This is the operation of human love, and none of us know how to do anything else until we taste of God's agape or His type of love that is not based on man's performance but is based only on God. He loves you and accepts you because He decided to, not because of what you do or do not do. Once again let me say, this doesn't mean you shouldn't desire holiness; but you'll never arrive at new levels of holiness if you think God rejects you and withholds His love every time you fail. Remember Hebrews 4:15-16. He knows you're weak. Admit you are and let Him help you anyway.
II Chronicles 16:9 says, "... the eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to show Himself strong in behalf of them whose heart is perfect toward Him- " (KJV)
I Corinthians 1:27-29 says God purposely chooses the weak and foolish things of the world to confound the wise.
I would think (in my natural thinking) He would look for a perfect specimen—someone who has it all together; a strong person who would never fail Him or let Him down, but instead He looks for a person WHOSE HEART IS PERFECT TOWARDS HIM.
God desires to heal His people from past hurts caused by rejection. He wants you to know HE WILL NEVER REJECT YOU. He says in Matthew 11:28-30, "Come unto me all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." This is referring to those who are laboring at trying to be perfect and then beating themselves (with guilty feeling) when they fail.
Jesus was talking to the people who were trying to live under the laws of the Pharisees. It takes a lot to please a Pharisee, and they are still around today. I'm sure you all know one—someone who conveys to you the message, "I'll accept you if you perform perfectly and please me. I'll reject you and withhold my love if you don't." Jesus is not a Pharisee. He says in John 3, he that believes will never be rejected. Believe in Him, love Him and desire His will. You'll be off to a good start. He will bring you across the finish line. And remember, you may not be performing perfectly; but if you have a perfect heart towards Him, He counts you as perfect while you are making the trip. Oh yes, one main thing I need to say. "Be sure you are not a Pharisee." God has placed people all around you who need love and acceptance. Give it to them, and you'll help them to become all they can be.

 

[nowhereville]

I grew up with a non loving mother and dad, the woman i married put me in bankruptsy and pushed me away, another i fell in love with got tired of me, and the last that said she loved me, is gone with out a single word.
All i have left is Jesus, i guess that is all i need. I just wish i knew what was wrong with me, that no one wants me.

As limited human beings, we tend to make everything about us. Chances are good that your mother experienced a similiar childhood to yours and brought to the table the best that she had to offer, which wasn't the greatest.

In regard to the woman you picked later, no doubt she was much like your mother as we pick what is familiar to us. Our past can literally hold us hostage if we choose to believe it.

My abusive past left me fearful of man, ashamed and feeling dirty. God says that I am wonderfully and fearfully made HIS image and that I should fear NO man. God is not a liar so I choose to believe what he has to say in place of my life expereince.

Hope this helps...

 

[Cinra]

I can relate to what you are going through. I was raised by my grandparents because my mom was bi-polar and my father was in the navy until I was 10, then I was in my dad's custody. Emotionally, my dad was never there for me, but he did provide everything else like monetary support. Emotionally, my mom was never there for me, because of her disorder. I almost lost my husband back when we were boyfriend/girlfriend because I valued on-line games more than him. Some things are beyond your control, but God is always working in your life. Although, people might not be there for you, you will always be able to turn to God.

 

[fisherman2]

thanks to all that replied to my post, it has helped.
God bless you all!

 

[HVNbound]

I too wondered what was wrong with me, my husband was 11 yrs older then me and was emotionally abusive, (too long to get into) after 10 years and his fathers pushing, he left me with 3 small children, no job & no money. My next relationship was an abusive (to my son & I) drunk, after 11 1/2 years of physical, emotional & verbal abuse I had had enough and sent him packing, With God's help I have realized that it's not me it's them!

Don't totaly blame yourself, more then often there is somethng within them that they can't hold a relationship.