Whats the point

[Vcoates89]

I was last abused almost three years ago... I just dont feel like I am getting over it at all. My partner was staying with me at night, untill we decided as Christians he should go home to stop any temptation. but tonight I really struggled being alone in my flat. I hate being alone at night as thats when the abuse used to happen.

I ended up taking my feelings out on myself. Now I feel so ashamed to even consider calling myself a Christian.

I love God. but other parts of me are so angry. I feel so alone, I want to have a relationship with God so badly. But I just feel like no one around me understands how I feel... so how can God? I know that sounds so terrible. I just want to be free from all this. I want to forget evrything that ever happened to me. i guess I just want to be normal...

 

[bubblefish]

Hun, the things you are going through and what you are feeling are completely normal! At times, I often want to forget what happened as well - it would be a lot easier, but you can get through this and find ways to cope and move on through it.

It seems you have a very supportive partner which is a great start! I also know how hard nights can be - my partner now stays with me as much as possible as well. Can you find other ways of dealing with nights? Does keeping a light on help? Or even if your partner isn't there, could you call them and talk until you are calmer? At least until you feel more comfortable on your own

As for relationships with God, my relationship really fell and I struggled with loving a God who first of all let it happen, and then couldn't possibly understand, and truthfully I still do struggle with that at times now. I am sorry that I don't have any advice for you but do want to let you know that you are not alone

If you ever want to talk please PM me, I am happy to listen And continue posting when you feel comfortable. There are some amazing people here who will always listen and help in any way they can. Although it sometimes might feel like it, you are not alone. There are other people who can, or at least will try, to understand

 

[Bamboo_Chicken]

My partner was abused and often finds nights harder as well - I stay with her whenever I can and make sure she knows she's safe with me. I don't want to suggest anything that may compromise how you feel about your relationship with God, but it might still be an idea to try to have someone (either your partner or somebody else you trust enough) around at night if you can. As Bubblefish mentioned too, are there other things that calm you down or make you feel safer? I've found for my partner that having a dog around that she can pat and focus on helps, as do certain blankets and areas. You might have a toy from when you were younger or a comfy blanket to snuggle into. Or maybe a room where you know you're safe (maybe you could add locks to the door(s) and/or windows if that would help?).

Whatever happens Hun, remember that God loves you unconditionally. He doesn't have a checklist that you need to totally stick to or He'll disown you - He loves you just as you are and nothing will change that .

 

[Criada]

I was last abused almost three years ago... I just dont feel like I am getting over it at all. My partner was staying with me at night, untill we decided as Christians he should go home to stop any temptation. but tonight I really struggled being alone in my flat. I hate being alone at night as thats when the abuse used to happen.

I ended up taking my feelings out on myself. Now I feel so ashamed to even consider calling myself a Christian.

I love God. but other parts of me are so angry. I feel so alone, I want to have a relationship with God so badly. But I just feel like no one around me understands how I feel... so how can God? I know that sounds so terrible. I just want to be free from all this. I want to forget evrything that ever happened to me. i guess I just want to be normal...

It's normal, sweetie, really! Wanting to forget is natural... but please, don't try to ignore your feelings or pretend it never happened.
You have a right to feel angry... God doesn't judge you for that... these things make Him angry too! And He is big enough to take your anger, frustration, pain and confusion, and to still love you - completely and unconditionally.

I have been angry with myself for years... and more recently, so angry with God... and that hasn't gone away completely, yet. But.. He still loves me..

It takes time.... but you will come through it... and you will find ways to cope.

 

[Johnnz]

Healing is a process - good counsel, courage, being supported and loved by trustworthy people. Plus, working at replacing bad experiences with new, good ones. There is no "quick fix" but real progress can be made with good help.

Bless you
John
NZ

 

[BrokenWing]

I found that acheiving goals in life to help. These aren't goals like "buying a house" or "having kids" and such, but smaller goals, like taking courses, learning a new language, fixing the car, etc. It's like Johnnz put it, it's about "replacing bad experiences with new, good ones." When you acheive these things you gain self respect and self image ie, confidence; you become less reliant on others and are able to help yourself. Happiness, I guess is what you obtain from it. Sometimes the two are confused. I think that's what's meant by "Give someone to fish, feed them for a day. Teach someone to fish and they'll be fed for the rest of their life.

Reading and listening to the Bible helps me realize there's atleast one person that understands. It's become a habit of mine to listen to it on mp3 while I do things.