What's the appropriate way...

[Splayd]

...to deal with pain?

Seriously - I want to know. I always seem to deal with it in really bad ways. I recognise that so many of my mistakes in the past have been because I wasn't dealing with pain. I developed problems with alcohol, drugs, sex etc... as I tried to avoid pain. When I've tried to face it I've fallen into depression. When I've tried to express it I've hurt myself.

I know I've made mistakes. I know I've gone about things the wrong way, but what's the right way?

People tell me things like "surrender it to God"... but I've tried that time and time again and even thought I'd done it. Time and time again it turns out I was deluding myself and really just not dealing with it at all and then it comes back and bites me.

People say things like "you just have to work through it"... but what does that mean? Working through it for me often equates with wallowing and obsessing until I reach a point where I'm either forced to drown in it (depression), avoid it (addiction) or rephrase it (delusion).

Noone likes pain and I get that it's necessary and I know that the ways I've dealt with it in the past are inappropriate... but what is the appropriate way?

 

[Amin]

Hi Splayd,
That's a good question. The problem is, it's probably different for each of us.
Every one has a unique way of dealing with pain.
I think one step is to realize it's always going to be a part of life.

I'm not going to give you a nice little answer like; Surrender it.
I think if we;re living within Gods' will, as best we can, God already knows we've given it to Him.
I used to do those things you mentioned. I didn't like what reality
had to offer.
Once i left town when i was feeling
really bad. I was okay for a while, but when i came back, there it was
back in my life.
I think I've learned that when it comes to pain, we have to face it, and deal with it, and instead of trying to take a pill to make it go away, myself anyway, need to
experience the pain just like you do a grieving process, and eventually it will leave and we'll be that much better at facing pain the next time it comes.
The only sure thing is, It will come again, but after a few times of facing our pain, we're more able to face it again.
I hope i've made some sense.
Chuck.

 

[angelkiss]

I agree with Chuck. We all have our own unique ways of dealing with our pain, and what may work for me, may not work for you. After losing so many people in my life, (as I have a big family), I've learned to deal with it throughout the years, (in my own way)
I used to run from my troubles and grief afore and then, I would always end up in a pickle and realize that running only created more problems and finally I just started staring life right in the face.............
Sure, it's not easy, but with any situation I come to in life, I stare it back in the face and I in no way will give in and let it consume me. Be it illness, grief, etc......I am a very bull-headed person.......I have become a fighter and that's exactly what I do. I very seldom cry anymore, for I cried for so many years of my life. (For a lot of different reasons) It's as if I have refused to let myself cry, but there are those times that I need to cry, I have to cry, and so I do.

I also journal and as a poet, I write a lot of my feelings through poetry. Even if you're not a writer, sometimes getting it all on paper works. For at least you're getting your emotions out. (and safely)
If there is something that you do that gets your mind focused, writing, drawing, reading, singing, music, playing games, etc. That may help you to deal with your pain a little better. That way you're not thinking of your pain 24/7. You can at least focus on something else if only for a few minutes.
My prayers are with you!!
's and es!!!

 

[jsimms615]

...to deal with pain?

Seriously - I want to know. I always seem to deal with it in really bad ways. I recognise that so many of my mistakes in the past have been because I wasn't dealing with pain. I developed problems with alcohol, drugs, sex etc... as I tried to avoid pain. When I've tried to face it I've fallen into depression. When I've tried to express it I've hurt myself.

I know I've made mistakes. I know I've gone about things the wrong way, but what's the right way?

People tell me things like "surrender it to God"... but I've tried that time and time again and even thought I'd done it. Time and time again it turns out I was deluding myself and really just not dealing with it at all and then it comes back and bites me.

People say things like "you just have to work through it"... but what does that mean? Working through it for me often equates with wallowing and obsessing until I reach a point where I'm either forced to drown in it (depression), avoid it (addiction) or rephrase it (delusion).

Noone likes pain and I get that it's necessary and I know that the ways I've dealt with it in the past are inappropriate... but what is the appropriate way?

I suppose it depends on what kind of pain and the depth of that pain. Also, I think some people are just more inclined to depression and darker kinds of feelings. For some people, some grief expression can be worked out by going to a therapist or going to the graveside of someone who died that they loved. Sometimes possibly writing a letter, with the intent of destroying it later, can help you express your thoughts. Some people try writing in a journal.
I would say if your finding a particular pain difficult that maybe you should tell God about it and ask him to help guide you on what you should do to overcome it. It is hard to be specific since I don't know what your going through. Hope that helped.
J

 

[Nilla]

As the others before me has mentioned it's very individual how we deal with pain.

I usually talk to someone, it may be God, a friend or someone I don't even know online. Just to get it out and not have it eating away inside.

Sometimes I write long letters...they may be sent but mostly it's a way to get it out.

For me it's important not to carry it inside as I know that if I do...I end up worrying, crying, and feeling alone in my pain.

Try different ways of dealing with your pain..(whatever the pain is). Try to write it off.. talking to someone you trust. Maybe you're a painter...then paint it out.
There are so many ways to deal with it. Some good and others not so good...as you mentioned in your post.

Hope you find your way soon.

God is with you,
Nilla

 

[drifter5]

People praying earnestly for me has made a huge difference. I have struggled with the pain of losing my sister, for19 years. I thought that it would" magically "go away by itself one day. The minister's wife said that i need to make a choice to move on. When i made this choice, God has brought much healing into my life, and removed the pain.

 

[drifter5]

I will always hold on to special memories of my sister, i will never forget her, and i will always miss her, but i have given myself " permission " to move on ,at the same time. When i prayed to God, saying to Him " i choose to move on, Lord, please help me", The Lord graciously,( and supernaturally), brought peace and healing to me. Our God is a GREAT and powerful God and He does hear the prayers of His children,according to His good , perfect and pleasing will. Praise His Name!

 

[womanofvalor]

I have dealt with depression all during my life. My last pastor told me something that revolutionized my life and thinking. He said when depression comes to me I should simply refuse it. That sounds very simplistic and it is, but, for me--it worked!! I'm not saying that "I have arrived" and am depression free and never get down. But now that I recognize it for what it is, I can deal with it. We have all power in Jesus name. When He died, He dealt with all the power of evil and sin once and for all.
But these things can still harrass us. There is a Bible verse that backs this up: "Resist the devil and he will flee from you".
I'm just sharing what has worked for me. I hope you find the answers you are seeking. I know you will since you ARE searching!!
God bless you in your quest!!! and free you from the pain!!!!

 

[Splayd]

Thanks so much for everyone that has responded and to those of you who have PM'ed me.

Truth is - there's a lot involved here and my post was unfair to dump on an unsuspecting audience

I have been through periods of incedible, compounded pain. Heck, my family went bankrupt and moved into a shed in a faraway country town immediately prior to my dad breaking his neck and becoming a quadraplegic which was immediately prior to my girlfirend falling pregnant the very first time either of us had had sex (which we'd repented of before we knew the consequences) which was only a couple of years before my (by now) wife found her long lost dad, who responded by commiting suicide which was immediately followed by my mother getting cancer and dying, which was immediately followed by... You get the idea.

BUT - I survived those things pretty well unscathed (I think). The one thing that really kills me... is that my wife (who struggles with abondonment issues from her dad leaving her and then killing himself) keeps looking for approval from other men. She flirts, chats and chats and maybe kisses or tries to prompt something more and then I find our or ask her and thats when the hurt really kicks in. THAT's the bit that really really hurts, but truth be told - I can't help but forgive and work through it again and again. I figure that it's not so different to what God goes through with me. He forgives... I cheat on Him. He forgives... I cheat on Him... etc...

The other thing about this which was entirely unfair of me... was I forget (honestly - I just do) that I'm actually bipolar. Savage mood swings are just part and parcel of my life. I go through ordinary times, good times and great times and then I hit a HUGE HUGE bad time and I foget that that's just part of the cycle of life for me. Please accept my apologies for carrying on before.

Peace.

 

[angelkiss]

Thanks so much for everyone that has responded and to those of you who have PM'ed me.

Truth is - there's a lot involved here and my post was unfair to dump on an unsuspecting audience

I have been through periods of incedible, compounded pain. Heck, my family went bankrupt and moved into a shed in a faraway country town immediately prior to my dad breaking his neck and becoming a quadraplegic which was immediately prior to my girlfirend falling pregnant the very first time either of us had had sex (which we'd repented of before we knew the consequences) which was only a couple of years before my (by now) wife found her long lost dad, who responded by commiting suicide which was immediately followed by my mother getting cancer and dying, which was immediately followed by... You get the idea.

BUT - I survived those things pretty well unscathed (I think). The one thing that really kills me... is that my wife (who struggles with abondonment issues from her dad leaving her and then killing himself) keeps looking for approval from other men. She flirts, chats and chats and maybe kisses or tries to prompt something more and then I find our or ask her and thats when the hurt really kicks in. THAT's the bit that really really hurts, but truth be told - I can't help but forgive and work through it again and again. I figure that it's not so different to what God goes through with me. He forgives... I cheat on Him. He forgives... I cheat on Him... etc...

The other thing about this which was entirely unfair of me... was I forget (honestly - I just do) that I'm actually bipolar. Savage mood swings are just part and parcel of my life. I go through ordinary times, good times and great times and then I hit a HUGE HUGE bad time and I foget that that's just part of the cycle of life for me. Please accept my apologies for carrying on before.

Peace.

Splayd, That is a great deal to live with and my heart truly goes out to you. I am bipolar myself and when things slap me in the face, it spins my emotions even more out of control for the illness itself is bad enough, let alone the struggles of life to add to it.
Our prayers are with you and if you ever need to talk, please feel free to pm me.

 

[Nilla]

Thanks so much for everyone that has responded and to those of you who have PM'ed me.

Truth is - there's a lot involved here and my post was unfair to dump on an unsuspecting audience

I have been through periods of incedible, compounded pain. Heck, my family went bankrupt and moved into a shed in a faraway country town immediately prior to my dad breaking his neck and becoming a quadraplegic which was immediately prior to my girlfirend falling pregnant the very first time either of us had had sex (which we'd repented of before we knew the consequences) which was only a couple of years before my (by now) wife found her long lost dad, who responded by commiting suicide which was immediately followed by my mother getting cancer and dying, which was immediately followed by... You get the idea.

BUT - I survived those things pretty well unscathed (I think). The one thing that really kills me... is that my wife (who struggles with abondonment issues from her dad leaving her and then killing himself) keeps looking for approval from other men. She flirts, chats and chats and maybe kisses or tries to prompt something more and then I find our or ask her and thats when the hurt really kicks in. THAT's the bit that really really hurts, but truth be told - I can't help but forgive and work through it again and again. I figure that it's not so different to what God goes through with me. He forgives... I cheat on Him. He forgives... I cheat on Him... etc...

The other thing about this which was entirely unfair of me... was I forget (honestly - I just do) that I'm actually bipolar. Savage mood swings are just part and parcel of my life. I go through ordinary times, good times and great times and then I hit a HUGE HUGE bad time and I foget that that's just part of the cycle of life for me. Please accept my apologies for carrying on before.

Peace.

Sounds like your wife needs to talk to someone. Someone who can help her process and deal with feelings towards everything that regards her dad. her trying to find approval and just being seen by other men is something that can makes things even worse.

I'm not expert on this at all. (just expressing my opinion)

God is with you

Nilla