What's so great about OCD??

[gracealone]

Hi guys,
I just wanted to share something that relates to another post I wrote about the Volitional Faith of the OCD Christian. Many times we view our disorder of OCD as nothing more than something that we desperately want to be healed of instead of looking at it as something God is using to make us more pliable in His hands. I was reading CS. Lewis, (so what else is new eh?) last night and came across this inspiring illustration of Volitional Faith and wanted to share it with all of you.

The Book is "Screwtape Letters" It's a fictional work about a Senior Demon named Screwtape who is writing instructive letters to his student/nephew Wormwood about how best to tempt his assigned Christian/patient toward sin. In one letter he is giving Wormwood a warning about how sometimes the trials that they try to throw at Christians can backfire. Here's the conversation.
"You see Wormwood... He, (God), wants them to learn to walk and must therefore take away His hand; and if only the will to walk is really there, He is pleased even with their stumbles. Do not be decieved, Wormwood. Our cause is never more in danger than when a human, no longer desiring, but still intending, to do our Enemy's will, looks round upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been foraken, and then still obeys."

This is that volitional type of faith that I wrote about before that is not dependent upon emotional validation.
Hope it encourages all of you the way it has me.
Stumbling forward,
Mitzi

 

[junezephyr]

Isn't C.S. Lewis awesome? That's such a great metaphor... how we must learn to walk on our own. Learning to choose faith. Thanks so much for sharing! I really should finish The Screwtape Letters. I started it awhile back but got distracted with some other books.

Living by emotional validation can be prison-like. It's so freeing not to have to live by emotions, even though it's hard to resist the urge to.

 

[OptimisticSmile]

I needed that. I will read screwtape letters.

Last night I was so discouraged because I was praying with others who were crying and I felt nothing. I try to see myself in the desert as jesus before he started his ministry.

this sunday night im leading the youth group at my church for the first time. last week we did a bible study but it was 3 of us now its grown to about ten. Im going into it really beaten down and discouraged but at the same time knowing that Paul tells us that weakness is where God does some amzing things.

one other thing that helps me since I lack emotion alot is knowing that joy really is not a feeling so much as it is the knowledge of Christ in my life.

when im around christians and feeling so different from them I try to place hope in that God is going to use me in a unique way or in a great way and that is why my exoperience as a christian is so different from theres. To whom much is given much is required. For me the things God has for me may require my own personal suffering.

 

[marcb]

I love that on so many levels. Thanks for pointing that out, Mitzi. OCD or otherwise, I think all Christians who are honest in their walk ask that question and stumble in their walk.

As a physical therapist, I love that analogy about learning to walk. I am very "hands off", so that folks can go through the necessary, but error-laden process of learning a skill. I will not let someone fall, but we push that limit for the sake of progress and independence. It's hard to take my own "medicine" for the sake of "learning" THE walk, but I see it's relevance more clearly. Often, the more uncomfortable one is during the learning situation, the better the learning. WOW! Thanks, Mitzi, for sharing that. Much praise!

Limping along,

Marc

P.S., Remember, Jacob wrestled with God and walked away with a limp. We wrestle, but God allows us to get up. We limp, but we continue to walk, for the LORD does not crush us.

 

[marcb]

This is that volitional type of faith that I wrote about before that is not dependent upon emotional validation.
Hope it encourages all of you the way it has me.
Mitzi

"Faith is not a feeling" is such a thought provoking statement. I recall a member here by that screen name. It always made me think. I help with a young adult class at church and was thinking about writing "faith is not a feeling" on the board this Sunday and generating an open discussion. I would like to do that in this forum as well if anyone is interested.

Throughout the course of the day, I think I "check" to make sure my faith is "locked." I've always been a "checker" - doors, coffee pots, stoves, etc. I wonder if that is what I am doing in my mind when things slow down and I pause to check. Sometimes I do this in the form of a prayer. To make a long story short (good luck) I think I take myself completely out of the context of the day and pull my faith up by its roots to examine whether or not it is still there, and if it's growing, or even if it's real. If I feel fatigued or just neutral, I may have thoughts or feelings about my faith that are not true. Some of those thoughts are scary and actually contrary to the very faith I desire to validate.

The more I tie my faith to feelings, the more volitile my perception of my faith is. I suppose this is the very nature of feelings. Faith must be different. I love the feelings I get during worship, private or public, and when that "sure and certain knowledge" of the truth comes through. I think those are blessings from the Lord; "little pink spoon samples of heaven" as my pastor would say. Maybe the counter thoughts, neutral or uncertain feelings are necessary, as Mitzi aptly quoted CS Lewis, to promote the will to continue walking and obeying in spite of what we feel at a particular point in time. May I say these uncertain moments may be even necessary in our human minds, to allow us to appreciate the moments when that "sure and certain knowledge" of God's presence arrives?

None of these feelings change God's love for us, nor do they have much to do with whether He is present or not, because Jesus promises to be with us always. In other words our feelings may change, but thank God that He does not change with them. Faith therefore is not a feeling, it's a gift.

Thoughts?

 

[OptimisticSmile]

wow marc that was really great.

reading your post i see my daily battle of faith validation. one thing that helps me is when I see God work through me. however each time it only last usually a few days then its back to the begining of the cycle again. I tell my God experiences to freinds and they sometimes say they get goosebumps yet I dont feel anything.

 

[gracechick]

Very well said. We are so quick to want to judge circumstances or faith on our feelings. The Word continually reminds us we must base faith on Jesus.

 

[ObsessedButBlessed]

Mitzi, thanks for sharing that passage from The Screwtape Letters. It's been a long time since I've read that book, and what a great passage for us all who are struggling with feeling-validated faith.

Marc, your words are a blessing! I, like you, am a checker - except my checking is mostly emotionally. It's funny when I think about it logically, that some sort of "feeling" is supposed to confirm that I really believe in Jesus..that I really have faith. And if I don't get those feelings, it leads me down the path of feeling-based decisions: If I don't feel it, it must be true (that I don't have faith or whatever my particular obsession is that day).

And YET I know that, while God has made me this wonderfully emotionally creature, that my emotions are not perfect. If I put faith in my FAITH, I will be confused, disappointed, and anxious/fearful, because faith in my faith is not where it should be. But if I put my faith in GOD, I will never be disappointed. Faith is truly a gift given to us by the Holy Spirit. It wasn't by my own reasoning or understanding that I came to believe in the first place, and it won't be by my own reasoning or understanding or FEELINGS that I continue to believe, even though my fickle feelings may tell me otherwise.

This was a great post to read, as I have been struggling tonight with other obsessions (sometimes I obsess that my husband will cheat on me or is falling out of love with me, even though he's the most faithful man I've ever met!) It's funny how OCD loves to get you... I've been praying that if the truth needs to be revealed (as I type that, I think, what 'truth?' the 'truth' my OCD always tries to tell me, which is always a lie?) then God will reveal it to me, and if no 'truth' is revealed, then I have to trust God that everything is under control. I've found this to be difficult because my mind wants to obsess, but I say to myself "no matter what I'm feeling, feelings do not represent reality."

I guess I can say the same for when my OCD bugs me about my faith.

Thanks for these posts, guys.

 

[QUannie]

CHECKER HERE!!!
I am so glad Marc that you said about checking in your mind! I think you even said it in another post. I thought I must really be messed up because I check on my thoughts/faith/ect...In my mind!!!
I physically check, doors, phone ect..,its gotten less, I'm thankful for that, but sometimes in my mind I will check to see if the obsessive thought or intrusive thought is still there....WHAT IS THAT!!!! I tried to tell my councilor and as I said it I thought WOW, I am weird!! That is weird and she probably will be writing that one down for sure!! Again I am relieved I am not the only one!!

I am trying to get out of the checking compulsion on this forum....to see if I am being validated or if I am ok and on track or accepted by the way others respond to my posts!!!
The Lord gently let me know my motive is wrong, I am trying to only come to the forum once in a while now to break me of the checking compulsion. I would come to check if anyone responded to me and if I did not get a response I would get upset and FEEL like I did not belong or think/feel I am wrong, or think/feel that no one likes me or accepts me, even thoughts/feelings of I don't belong here, I don't belong anywhere! { I have struggled with obsessing about peoples opinion and acceptance of me, it is less active now , it would cause me to do compulsions like confessing things to people, constantly bugging them ect.}All of it motivated by FEELINGS & thoughts!!! Oh yeah, thats what OCD is!!!! I think God is teaching me to find my ACCEPTANCE ONLY in HIM!! Not how I feel! This is big, I know all Christians need to work through these heart issues, but with OCD it seems to take longer and the battle is fierce within!!! My thoughts mess with my feelings too!!
Sorry this is so long....

Q

 

[QUannie]

I forgot to write earlier that I wonder sometimes if I check on the obsessive thoughts or intrusive thoughts or my faith being "LOCKED"{good description of that} to see if it causes anxiety or some feeling, as a gage to measure if I am ok!!! I so often would check if I am ok by others reaction/response or interest in me, still do a little!
Thoughts on that?

Q

 

[marcb]

I forgot to write earlier that I wonder sometimes if I check on the obsessive thoughts or intrusive thoughts or my faith being "LOCKED"{good description of that} to see if it causes anxiety or some feeling, as a gage to measure if I am ok!!! I so often would check if I am ok by others reaction/response or interest in me, still do a little!
Thoughts on that?

Q

I know what you mean in your last two posts. There's the reassurance that will likely feed your ocd and keep ya coming back to the site! I do the same thing. I try not to make it a compulsion, especially checking to see if somebody responded to my post, but if that's my biggest problem, so be it!

I've quoted this before, but our faith is "locked" or as Paul would write, "sealed."

"In [Christ] you also, when you heard the word of
truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in
him, were sealed with the promised Holy
Spirit, who is the guarantee of our inheritance
until we acquire possession of it, to the praise
of his glory." Ephesians 1:13-14 (emphasis mine)

 

[gracealone]

HI,
Thank you Marc for expanding on the Lewis quote. I've been seeing it more and more how my OCD causes me to do this mental checking as I am more of a pure "O" person. My OCD thoughts about my faith in Christ are generally something like..." Maybe I haven't quite believed good enough". So then the checking begins as I search for evidence/reassurance that I am truly a Christian. The analogy of making certain that my faith is "locked", is spot on. This checking so often becomes a compulsive mental activity which as we all know makes the thoughts seem all the more valid and terribly urgent. What starts out as a soft tapping on the door of my brain soon becomes a jack hammer pounding and that's when it becomes very hard to ignore.
I loved how Quannie pointed out that even coming here to the forum, is for so many of us a part of that process of checking and seeking reassurance. We know that no matter how many reassurances we get about our faith centered spikes that our OCD will always push us to seek just one more... that perfect one that will finally solve all our doubt and discomfort. We have to do our level best to break that cycle, to do as Quannie said, "check our motives" for doing it.
I always have to go back to the fact that my faith is not based in me but in all that He is.
Not an easy task for someone who has "The doubting disorder".
Some words on this post I purposely put down with bold italics just to demonstrate that these things we do are all symptomatic of our OCD.
It's so revealing to read your posts. One of the most comforting things to me is to know that there are others who really relate to me as I struggle to live with and learn from this disorder.
As Lewis also said... "I have to learn to tell these moods where to get off!!"
Thanks guys, you are a blessing to me and I thank God for all of you.
Mitzi

 

[OptimisticSmile]

all great stuff. Garce alone , I remember before going oversees thinking that if God did something amazing with providing money for my trip then I would have no choice but be locked. He came through and yet on the plane I was constantly teliing myself " I am his otherwise I would not be on the plane going on a mission trip" what discouraged me most is the diferent experiences that I thought would have locked me in , did not. I can see how I have experienced God and how he uses me yet even with all that Im still not completely locked in.

 

[gracechick]

I confess to being a checker to people. I ask a question & keep checking for an answer that will validate or help relieve my anxiety. Arghhh when will I be able to find that in Jesus instead of others.sigh.