What's on your mind?

MarkSB said:

Having a second child is pretty rough. I'm not trying to discourage anyone from having a second child (or children at all), of course... but if you think going from one child to two will be easy, think again. Lol.

And to be clear - I didn't expect it to be easy. But in the back of my mind I thought it would be similar to when we had our first, which wasn't all that bad. But, as I've come to find out, having a second is very different. A second child is not twice the work... it feels more like five to six times the work. And it seems my feelings on this are not unique - because since having our second child, I've read posts from a lot of other parents who feel the same. With one kid, as parents you can give each other breaks by taking the kid yourself. With two kids, that's just not as easy to do (not when one of them is an infant, at least). With two kids, it feels like your spare time is essentially all gone. It's just a different dynamic altogether. The number of kids vs. the time & effort that is required for the parents is certainly not a linear relationship.

Maybe I'm a fool for not realizing all this before having our second child. And I'm not saying I would change anything (both my wife and I wanted two kids - and maybe more, if we were younger). It's just significantly harder and more stressful than I expected. And it's not because our youngest is a difficult baby either, because she isn't. The time constraints are really the biggest challenge right now. I don't think my wife realized that it would be quite this tough/stressful either, but she's handled it like a champ. And of course with breastfeeding and all, she has the tougher role in this whole thing (for the time being, at least).

I know it all changes when they get older and start to be more independent - and I'm excited to see the day when they start playing together. That will be so awesome to see. But right now it feels like that's a long way off. When the baby gets to be on more of a regular schedule (which should be starting in the next 2 months or so), things should also get easier. Just gotta keep thinking positive, and see some light at the end of the tunnel.

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Michie said:

What is the age difference between the children?

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MarkSB said:

3 years. I'm grateful for the gap... lol.

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Bumble Bee said:

Mine are all 2 1/2 years apart. It will probably be a longer gap before my next one. We aren’t ready yet.

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MarkSB said:

Fatherhood is the best. Yeah, it has it's ups and downs (as someone might be able to tell from my previous posts talking about taking care of a baby in the middle of the night), but overall it is an experience that is difficult to describe.

Being a dad feels like it has helped me to relive my childhood in a way, and remember so many things that I had mostly forgotten. I'm an older father as well - since our first wasn't born until I was 40... so it feels like such a blessing in that regard.

If you are willing to self-examine, and willing to grow /change, parenting can be such an illuminating and transformative experience. This, I'm sure, is from God.

And, when I was growing up, things got pretty rough in my family when I was about 8 years old. I like to think that, by the grace of God, maybe I can give my kids a better childhood experience than the one I had. There are still things about growing up in this day and age that concern me (social media, and the current political climate). Growing up in the 80's-90's just seemed so much simpler, from a cultural perspective. Hopefully things can change (at least to some degree) in that regard.

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Bumble Bee said:

My children have a hard time going to sleep at night, and are early risers in the mornings

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