What's on your mind?

bèlla said:

Since they moved the thread and booted us we can continue here!

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Not sure why that thread got moved. On CF I think a lot of people don't like discussing sex, and especially dislike when single, unmarried people do so. Maybe we'll get modded here. I wouldn't be at all surprised. Some people are clearly getting very, very irritated with my vaccine scepticism, and would very much like an excuse to kick me out. And I'm on my last warning, so I'll probably be gone before long. If I suddenly disappear then you'll know why.

bèlla said:

Repeat after me...children do not hinder your sex life! Poor planning and misalignment does. Making children the priority over marriage causes problems.

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LOL! My point was not that children totally stop couples having a sex life. If that were true no couple would ever have more than one child. You suggested mornings, and my view is that it might not work, not least because even if a couple put a lock on their bedroom door, having a small child standing outside knocking on the door is a bit of a passion killer. If anything, putting a lock on the door just saves a bit of embarrassment and buys a bit of time to stop what you're doing, rather than guaranteeing uninterrupted fun.

bèlla said:

Do you have more responsibilities? Yes. Are you bringing sexy back? No! Sexy never left! Marriage should be better than dating. Not worse. It's an opportunity to do more. Not less.

Things cool down because people slack off. They put their best foot forward winning them and make excuses later. That's all wrong. You're supposed to rock their world. Send them to work with some pep in their step! Grinning like a goose.

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I still think tiredness was the primary problem in that thread. And if you look at more recent posts then that seems to be confirmed by the OP. I'd also add that having worked all day, finding that when he finally flops into bed, totally exhausted, that there's another 'job' to do, is probably a bit of a passion killer. He most likely ended up feeling like some kind of circus animal, who has to perform on demand.

People say men are simple, and in many respects they are, and it's relatively easy to keep a man happy. However, beneath that simpleness, there's a whole lot of more complex stuff that can go wrong, and that thread was an example of that happening. When some of those things start going wrong, you can't fix it by buying some fancy underwear or some other superficial change. And I suspect that him feeling like sex is now a job, duty, or a chore to be done when he's already tired, is messing with a whole lot of things that should never be messed with in the male psyche, because once damaged it's difficult, time-consuming and complex to fix.

In that situation, the best bet would be to back off, tackle whatever is causing stress and tiredness, and in time he may regain some interest. But it might take a while, because it's clear there's already been a lot of damage done.

bèlla said:

I recommend reading The Surrendered Wife while dating. Go through it together. If there's confusion afterwards read The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands. Dr. Laura tells it like it is. That may bother some. But traditional wives love her. Hint hint.

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LOL! Well, I'll see if I can find a copy to read, assuming I ever meet a woman who might be interested in it.

JustSomeBloke said:

Not sure why that thread got moved. On CF I think a lot of people don't like discussing sex, and especially dislike when single, unmarried people do so. Maybe we'll get modded here. I wouldn't be at all surprised.

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It's an important topic and shouldn't be ignored. You need to ask questions. Everyone's conception of intimacy isn't identical. Appetite is one of them. Marrying someone with a strong libido and yours isn't is a mismatch. You'll need to compromise. That happens on both ends.

You should ask how often? What's your ideal? Before you agree! And interests too. What do you want your wife to wear and so on. Paint me a picture. It gives you something to go on. Are you able to meet their needs or not?

You know if you're shy or adventurous. Like routine or trying new things. You don't become a different person in the marriage bed.

Some people are clearly getting very, very irritated with my vaccine scepticism, and would very much like an excuse to kick me out. And I'm on my last warning, so I'll probably be gone before long. If I suddenly disappear then you'll know why.

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Chill out then.

LOL! My point was not that children totally stop couples having a sex life. If that were true no couple would ever have more than one child. You suggested mornings

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Wake up earlier. Locks are best. You don't want to traumatize them.

And I suspect that him feeling like sex is now a job, duty, or a chore to be done when he's already tired, is messing with a whole lot of things that should never be messed with in the male psyche, because once damaged it's difficult, time-consuming and complex to fix.

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I couldn't live like that. We wouldn't make it three months before I insisted on therapy.

In that situation, the best bet would be to back off, tackle whatever is causing stress and tiredness, and in time he may regain some interest. But it might take a while, because it's clear there's already been a lot of damage done.

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The bible addresses the subject. You can't opt out. If there's physical reasons you can't perform that doesn't prohibit you from pleasing your partner. They shouldn't be starved. It opens up temptations.

LOL! Well, I'll see if I can find a copy to read, assuming I ever meet a woman who might be interested in it.

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You can find it. If they don't like them beware! She's a handful. ~lol

Multifavs said:

I hope that tomorrow will not be too difficult. It will be my 10th anniversary of joining a website that I once loved, that was once a fun, enjoyable, friendly, helpful, and wholesome place. But now it is an awful, dirty place that hates Christian values and I never want to go back. At first I was planning to celebrate with a big giveaway, but instead I'll still be hurting deep down from the way they treated me and the truth.

...But, I'll try not to think about it too much. I have drawing and sewing to do which might help.

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Sorry to hear, Multis. But don't forget you still have friends with similar values who'll always love you no matter what.

bèlla said:

Why? I have a thing for down comforters. I want an ultra warmth version. Really plush with lots of feathers! I sleep with one year round. I'm usually cold.

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Heavy blankets remind me (as they are intended) of being held or of having another person's weight on me. I never liked that. I like blankets, but I don't want to feel restrained by them.

VanillaLion said:

https://www.amazon.com/JYK-Heavy-Korean-Fleece-Blanket/dp/B07FL4XXQ7/ref=sr_1_6?dchild=1&keywords=mink+blanket&qid=1631889301&sr=8-6&th=1

I'm thinking about buying this blanket.

or this one

https://www.amazon.com/JYK-Heavy-Korean-Fleece-Blanket/dp/B07TWPDS4J/ref=sr_1_6?dchild=1&keywords=mink+blanket&qid=1631889301&sr=8-6&th=1

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I don't know about the top one, Miss Vanilla Lion. ... The giant wolf head watching me every time I climb into bed would kind of scare me.

Rigatoni said:

Sorry to hear, Multis. But don't forget you still have friends with similar values who'll always love you no matter what.

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Of course we do. Everyone loves Multifavs. .... They'll even make a TV show called that some day. ^-^

*my silly way of trying to cheer you up, @Multifavs . I hope it didn't totally fail in doing so *

bèlla said:

Do you have more responsibilities? Yes. Are you bringing sexy back? No! Sexy never left! Marriage should be better than dating. Not worse. It's an opportunity to do more. Not less.

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Must have been an interesting thread you two were involved in back there .....


*SK gasps like a child during a thunderstorm and scandalously flees to a hiding spot so he doesn't have to hear any more adult talk about the naughty S-word*

sampa said:

yes there's all kinds of interesting things that you see in the culture that bullying goes into adulthood. Someone was telling me a story of a private school teacher that had a parent that was irate about something.. and the guy bowed to the lowest level asking for forgiveness. It's also interesting that students are not disciplined like they would be in the states. The island that I lived on they were like the 1950s.. it was very innocent. I once saw a group of teachers that took one student and made a circle around him in the church teachers room. They began yelling and screaming at him in Japanese to embarrass him of pulling the fire alarm. Another student out in the courtyard I saw slammed up against a wall by a teacher because he had been caught smoking. That was Junior high School. In the major city it's a different story where I heard of students attacking teachers, and one had a patch over his eye because of the damage of student did to him. But because the school likes to keep things hush hush there's no retaliation. Also disruptive students are never sent out in the hall or taken out of the classroom. They have rights to education so the teachers must put up with it. It's a very complex culture. Even domestic abuse I've been surprised, they turn a blind eye. One of my friends from college was with me at a train station North of Tokyo. It was near midnight, when most people probably have gone out for drinks, and my friend said look over there. I saw a boyfriend, young, hitting his girlfriend. I was surprised because it was so quiet. He went off to catch the train, she ran after him, he tried to push her away but she persisted to go with him. It was so surreal. And everyone at the train station didn't bat an eye. I've heard the same if a domestic dispute case is happening within the apartment complex, the neighbors will never report it. When I lived near a major city north of Tokyo, the first case of a murder instituted restraining orders in 1999. They are a community oriented culture so everything is for the greater good of the community. Which many times can mean turning a blind eye too many things that are wrong. Another example is homelessness. You're not allowed to look at the homeless person. They have a turban that they wear on their head to identify them.

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That is definitely surprising and a pity to hear.

SarahsKnight said:

Of course we do. Everyone loves Multifavs. .... They'll even make a TV show called that some day. ^-^

*my silly way of trying to cheer you up, @Multifavs . I hope it didn't totally fail in doing so *

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They better love Multifavs!

SarahsKnight said:

Must have been an interesting thread you two were involved in back there .....

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I was innocent. @JustSomeBloke corrupts my tininess! ~lol
Here's the thread.

*SK gasps like a child during a thunderstorm and scandalously flees to a hiding spot so he doesn't have to hear any more adult talk about the naughty S-word*

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See what I mean?

Rigatoni said:

Sorry to hear, Multis. But don't forget you still have friends with similar values who'll always love you no matter what.

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Thank you!

Interesting day. I'm feeling better. I prayed a lot and the Lord had me go over some deliverance things. I haven't done that in years in this fashion. After an hour of prayer I feel lighter. They were discussing spiritual gifts. I learned something new. And schizophrenia. One of my books treats the condition through deliverance. I didn't finish the piece but its informative.

A comment on the marriage thread has me thinking. My partner's parents have a great marriage. Over 30 years. No divorce or separation. Close knit. No arguments. Agree on everything. He said his mother's very validating. I'm trying to understand in relation to my walk and the Lord's input.

VanillaLion said:

I'm thinking about buying this blanket.

or this one

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Polyester isn’t breathable. Make sure you have a cotton sheet under it or you’ll sweat.

I feel like I should be doing something. But, I don't know what. It's late.

I find the strangest things.

After a difficult week I’m happy to report the Lord’s movement. I’ve spent a lot in time in prayer and although my discomfort remains, spiritually, i’m in a good place.

I appreciate the prayers and kind words. I’d like to give you something in return. Whatever you’re seeking in the Lord, don’t stop. There may be impediments hindering your movements. But nothing God ordains can be thwarted.

For those desiring to marry, stand against the negative and demonic elements in your way. Don’t assume it’s simply lack of opportunity, personal issues, or other factors alone. Pray against all assignments impeding your union and success. Pray against your stumbling blocks and pray in their remedy.

Do this once per month. Pray for your spouse everyday. Cover them from head to toe. Address their character, faith, work, struggles, friends, family, etc. Get used to exercising your prayer muscles. You’ll need them a lot later on.

The battle doesn’t begin when you find someone. You’re undergoing it now. Stand against negative thoughts and emotions that ensnare and promote fear or sadness. Affirm His fruit constantly. Use I am statements: I am love, peace, joy, and so on.

Tell the Lord you’re ready for your promised land. Ask Him to lead you there and strip away anything that would keep you in the wilderness. Then stand.

@SarahsKnight Haha that made me laugh!

I wonder why this world doesn't really seem to care about God. I wish everyone cared. Maybe He would return if everyone cared. I wish He would come back.

VanillaLion said:

I wonder why this world doesn't really seem to care about God. I wish everyone cared. Maybe He would return if everyone cared. I wish He would come back.

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We must be patient and wait for our day of ultimate redemption, Miss Lion. It could be this very evening, or it could be a thousand centuries from now, long after we've rotted away completely in our graves. But we do have faith in an eventual resurrection by Christ Himself no matter how soon or far away it is, and at that time everything shall be made right and well. .... Who knows? Perhaps the universalist Christians are right and even all of His enemies who once refused to believe in Him will finally see for themselves and be redeemed as well. After all, they do agree with the rest of us that the only way is through Christ; they just believe Scripture points to everyone eventually doing just that, and I do not completely discount the notion.

I cannot believe that I actually got sunburned today.