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My home life is getting worse. My mother is getting more neurotic and she booted me out of the house.
I called my stepfather who is out of town for work. He agrees that my mother is getting more anxiety, more moody, more irritable, more of a mental mess. She resorts to guilt trips and has a talent for deflecting any criticism off of her and onto anther person to make him/her look terrible. Stepfather even acknowledges this. She's very passive aggressive and always tries to make me feel like crap when she's stressed. Whenever I call her out on this, she tells me, "You just have a very guilty conscience." She's prone to yelling, screaming, and swearing. Every time we give her honest criticism, she plays victim and accuses us of trying to make her feel like a crap person. Ironically, she does this to us all the time. She accepts no responsibility for her actions.
Her neuroticism has driven me to the point of suicide three times and driven me to self harm. Every time I do so, she just tries to make me feel worse by insulting me, accusing me of trying to get attention, and even accused me of trying to get back at her once. She accepts no responsibility for her involvement in hurting me, acting as if she knows all. My stepfather and I notice that she can have a meltdown one time and act like nothing ever happened 20 minutes later.
Simply put: she is a miserable person.
Yesterday, we were eating something and a student living with us was eating this mushy stuff from the Philipines. My mother asked what it was and I told her to try it. She refused because she thought it looked disgusting. I started teasing her to try it like she would make me try foods I didn't want to try. She freaks out accusing me of trying to maker her out to be a bad mother. Over time it kept escalating to the point where I lost it and told her to get help. She responds by telling me I'm no longer welcomed in her house and tells me to leave until I can show her respect.
I'm at the bar later to eat something. She texts me saying that my 'mess' is at the front door and asked if I wanted my meds and clothes. I said yes. My father picks me up and we go back to her house to pick up my stuff. When I got there, I asked where my stuff was and she tells me that I can pack my own stuff and that I'm welcomed back. I took this as another mind game she's playing and told her I'm not playing this game. We argued some more and she told me that I'm being ignorant and that I'm like my alcoholic father. I told her she's being neurotic and needs to seek help and she screams at me to pack my things to leave, sounding like she's about to cry.
I'm now at my father's house on his laptop. I called my stepfather about the second encounter with mom and he tells me that she's trying to guilt trip me again like she normally does. We are thinking of trying to get her help because as stepfather mentioned, my mental state is getting better (believe it or not) while hers is getting worse.
Before you all tell me, "Wayholka, you lazy and immature failure at life, why don't you get your own place then??" Well for one, I have a disability that hinders my life. Second, I have physical health problems preventing me from working right now. Third, housing is incredibly expensive here. It cost at least $1,200 for a one bedroom apartment and they can jack up the prices how ever much they want at very short notice.
My mother needs help. The three of us in that house agree that there's something going on with her and it needs to end.
It's been years since I have found myself in such an impossible situation... but this time around I have something new. God.
I am praying for a miracle.
And that something makes all the difference in the world. He's always good to us. Praying things go the way you hope, but even if they don't go exactly as planned, remember he is good and remember he allows things to happen in our life for our benefit... even if it doesn't always seem like that's what's happening at the time.It's been years since I have found myself in such an impossible situation... but this time around I have something new. God.
I am praying for a miracle.
OMM: Warm weather plz come back soon I love you I'm sorry for ever complaining of being too hot.
Sincerely, a cold Canadian.
-2 right now here. Really shouldn't complain because apparently it's gonna be +7 tomorrow... just wish it would stay like that, no more back and forth lolIt's in the pluses right now. It snows and then it melts over the week. Rinse and repeat.
-2 right now here. Really shouldn't complain because apparently it's gonna be +7 tomorrow... just wish it would stay like that, no more back and forth lol
I'm in Nova Scotia.I'm not sure what part of the country you're in but here in Alberta, temperatures goes in extremes during summers and winters. During spring, it can be beautiful out one day and back to winter-like the next.
I always said that this country had bi-polar weather.
I'm afraid of falling back into self harming. I broke my 18 year clean of self harm a month or two ago so it's a lot easier now.
Ok, that's enough Canada memes for today.
People can only handle so much.
Back at home. Things have calmed down for now.
Thank you all for your prayers.
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