What's on your mind?

Wayholka said:

I just wonder how real many people on this forum's faith would be if they were stripped of all their desirable qualities and life privileges and forced to live a life like mine. Would their faith be as strong then?

I see too many fakers in this religion. You have all these millionaire preachers with their ten million dollar homes, gold plated Lamborghini's, private jets ready to fly to Tahiti, and high status/popularity in their churches and genuinely believe that they served God with great faith. It's easy to have faith in God when you have $25,000 in the bank but how strong would that faith be if you're $25,000 in debt and have angry creditors coming after you?

I know for a fact that many on this forum would consider my faith 'weak' but truth is, I'm just being honest. On the other subforums you have Christians threatening to leave the religion because life was not the grand adventure they thought it would be. There are people in the world getting killed for their faith and people just leave Jesus out of personal convenience. Furthermore, there are many Christians who say we are perfect in weakness but then turn around and honor the strong: the talented musician, the charismatic preacher, the rich tither and whatever celebrity who comes to church ready to be converted. It's hypocrisy that only I seem to be aware of.

I often question if Christians even believe what Jesus taught. They use their God given talents to live their own lives for their own benefit while I tried to invest what little God gave me to make other lives better. Guess who gets treated like an actual person and who doesn't? Other Christians actually get to live life. I only get to survive it.

God added diversity to a world that cannot handle diversity. Even among Christians people look at each other either in pride or envy. I'm on disability pension from the government and conservative Christians from the States give me crap for accepting help from the government. Other church goers are unwilling to be help me out so who do I have to rely on for support? These people seem to care more about their own wealth than the life of another person. One of these days God is going to tell them, "To Hell with your culture, what have you done to advance my Kingdom's ideals?"

Very, very few of you can understand my frustrations. Go ahead, just shy away from me for my anger instead of welcoming the stranger. I am a stranger in a strange land that fears differences. It's human nature. It's why I cannot put my trust in humanity but in God instead. I'm tired of all this world's politics and I feel no need to help a world that regards me as an abomination anymore.

I'm done with this philanthropy ministry.

Click to expand...

You're totally correct that we for the most part don't understand, and I think that's probably why people shy away from you tbh. Nobody likes to face harsher realities and sometimes for the sake of our sanity we have to pretend to be oblivious to all the pain that's in the world. Definitely not the right thing to do, but I know I do it all the time.

For the nothing that it's worth, I am sorry for the adversity you have to face and I am amazed by your faith. My life hasn't been all that bad, but I still spend a lot of time struggling with separation from God either from convenience or because I buckle under the weight of guilt from the things I've done. Thank you for trusting us enough to be honest and vulnerable. The testimony of your life and how you choose to respond to it, are hugely impactful both in this community and I'm sure to those in your "real" life.

leothelioness said:

I'm sure if you peeled back some of the layers of the posters here you'd find that their lives might be far from ideal as well. I don't know this for a fact, but oftentimes we suffer in our lives but don't allow others to see or know about it. I can attest to the fact that I have very little and what others would consider worthless I would look at as a treasure. My life isn't exactly one of privilege I can say for certain, yet my faith is stronger than it ever has been. And I'm sure there's others here, too who have not had ideal lives and they can relate to your experiences more than you realize.

It's easy to think that you're alone in your struggles or that you're the only one going through a hard time while everyone else is living it up. That's isn't always the case, though. Be encouraged by the fact that we are here and in this together and that God is always with us in our time of need.

Hope this helps at least a little.

Click to expand...

You're beautiful, neurotypical and have people on this forum flocking to you because you always know what to say. That's a lot of privilege right there. Pretty much the only positive thing anyone on this forum can say about me is the fact that I'm brave enough to post poorly made drawings. Much less in real life.

I don't try to bullspit my faith like many others to show how much faith I have in God. I try to be honest and frank and people don't seem to like it. Life was crap for reasons I could not control and I want answers.

Thanks Cody. My problem though makes things a bit more complicated. My being transgender, only some churches will accept me and most people seem to keep telling me that I can't be a Christian and myself. Not directly but from reading what people say in general. I just want to find a fellowship that accepts me and can help me with my faith if possible.

Sad that the weekend is almost over..

Wayholka said:

You're beautiful, neurotypical and have people on this forum flocking to you because you always know what to say. That's a lot of privilege right there. Pretty much the only positive thing anyone on this forum can say about me is the fact that I'm brave enough to post poorly made drawings. Much less in real life.

I don't try to bullspit my faith like many others to show how much faith they have in God. I try to be honest and frank and people don't seem to like it. Life was crap for reasons I could not control and I want answers.

Click to expand...

That doesn't mean that Leo doesn't have hardships to endure in her daily life. She doesn't have to face the same issues that you do, but none of us are free from sorrow. Just as it is wrong to judge someone for being unattractive, it's a mistake to assume that an attractive person has no sorrows or struggles.

YankeeGirl said:

That doesn't mean that Leo doesn't have hardships to endure in her daily life. She doesn't have to face the same issues that you do, but none of us are free from sorrow. Just as it is wrong to judge someone for being unattractive, it's a mistake to assume that an attractive person has no sorrows or struggles.

Click to expand...

I know it doesn't mean she's immune to problems but it sure helps.

If you guys still don't understand why I'm so angry, here's a topic describing my life situation. I wrote this last year at the height of my depression.

Why does God hate me?

Please don't try to trivialize my suffering. I am well aware that everyone has trials but it doesn't make my own suffering any less severe.

Wayholka said:

You're beautiful, neurotypical and have people on this forum flocking to you because you always know what to say. That's a lot of privilege right there. Pretty much the only positive thing anyone on this forum can say about me is the fact that I'm brave enough to post poorly made drawings. Much less in real life.

I don't try to bullspit my faith like many others to show how much faith I have in God. I try to be honest and frank and people don't seem to like it. Life was crap for reasons I could not control and I want answers.

Click to expand...

This forum does not reflect what goes on in my real life. None of those things you mentioned mean squat when I have bills to pay and struggle to make enough money or when I have to help my parents pay their bills because they can't or even when everything around me seems so grim and hopeless that I feel like I just want to crawl in a hole and stay. None of that screams privilege.

A forum does not reflect real life. For the record, here is the only place I have to fellowship with friends and the only place where I feel I am of any use. I'm sorry that you are feeling the way you are. I don't in any way seek to invalidate those feelings as I have struggled a tremendous amount in my own life, some of which I will not go into on here. But I will pray for God to comfort your heart in your time of struggle.

leothelioness said:

I looked through mine and couldn't decide what to watch. Lol

Click to expand...

I do the same thing. Too many options, can't ever find anything. Blu-ray? Netflix? Amazon prime?.. Too many options. lol

mojoboy31 said:

I do the same thing. Too many options, can't ever find anything. Blu-ray? Netflix? Amazon prime?.. Too many options. lol

Click to expand...

Yep, I just ended up watching TV. Lol

leothelioness said:

when I have bills to pay and struggle to make enough money or when I have to help my parents pay their bills because they can't or even when everything around me seems so grim and hopeless that I feel like I just want to crawl in a hole and stay. None of that screams privilege.

Click to expand...

Word.

leothelioness said:

Yep, I just ended up watching TV. Lol

Click to expand...

lol...

Think I'll finish off Dreamworks' Trollhunters.... Yeah, I watch animated shows. Don't judge me

.

.

Wayholka said:

Please don't try to trivialize my suffering. I am well aware that everyone has trials but it doesn't make my own suffering any less severe.

Click to expand...

No one is trying to trivialize your suffering. Things happen to us that we don't understand. Just look at Job and the things he went through, we don't always get answers.

Also, people have said other nice things about you. I remember people telling you that you were an encouragement, funny, and kind. We all enjoy your art work but whether you believe us or not is up to you.

No one is condemning you or judging you, they are just stating that they are not perfect and do not live perfect lives.

(Sigh) I'm sorry, guys. I'm sorry for having to drag you all into this again. Life is so darn frustrating. I really wish I could be this stoic person that I am expected to be but I'm not.

I'm angry, depressed and disillusioned with life. I often forget that I'm not the only one that feels this way.

I feel like an A-hole now. I will speak of my feelings no more.

Wayholka said:

I just wonder how real many people on this forum's faith would be if they were stripped of all their desirable qualities and life privileges and forced to live a life like mine. Would their faith be as strong then?

I see too many fakers in this religion. You have all these millionaire preachers with their ten million dollar homes, gold plated Lamborghini's, private jets ready to fly to Tahiti, and high status/popularity in their churches and genuinely believe that they served God with great faith. It's easy to have faith in God when you have $25,000 in the bank but how strong would that faith be if you're $25,000 in debt and have angry creditors coming after you?

I know for a fact that many on this forum would consider my faith 'weak' but truth is, I'm just being honest. On the other subforums you have Christians threatening to leave the religion because life was not the grand adventure they thought it would be. There are people in the world getting killed for their faith and people just leave Jesus out of personal convenience. Furthermore, there are many Christians who say we are perfect in weakness but then turn around and honor the strong: the talented musician, the charismatic preacher, the rich tither and whatever celebrity who comes to church ready to be converted. It's hypocrisy that only I seem to be aware of.

I often question if Christians even believe what Jesus taught. They use their God given talents to live their own lives for their own benefit while I tried to invest what little God gave me to make other lives better. Guess who gets treated like an actual person and who doesn't? Other Christians actually get to live life. I only get to survive it.

God added diversity to a world that cannot handle diversity. Even among Christians people look at each other either in pride or envy. I'm on disability pension from the government and conservative Christians from the States give me crap for accepting help from the government. Other church goers are unwilling to be help me out so who do I have to rely on for support? These people seem to care more about their own wealth than the life of another person. One of these days God is going to tell them, "To Hell with your culture, what have you done to advance my Kingdom's ideals?"

Very, very few of you can understand my frustrations. Go ahead, just shy away from me for my anger instead of welcoming the stranger. I am a stranger in a strange land that fears differences. It's human nature. It's why I cannot put my trust in humanity but in God instead. I'm tired of all this world's politics and I feel no need to help a world that regards me as an abomination anymore.

I'm done with this philanthropy ministry.

Click to expand...

*long post*

We hear you brother. We've all been there. It's not fair to assume anyone hasn't. Your situation might be unique, but we've all endured terrible circumstances.

For me, my dad was in and out of jail when I was a kid. My mom would drag me from drug house to drug house, where I was constantly abused physically, raped, molested, and even abused mentally. I got the crap beat out of me because I ate a poptart one time. My stepdad tried to kill me, lived in wood shacks with no running water and plastic sheets as walls. Anytime it stormed, we had to run next door to the convenience store.

In the thick of my faith (I wasn't always a Christian) I had been saved only a few years, but I was going to bible college, a minister at my church for the young adults, worked with AWANA and the youth. I wanted to become an ordained pastor, but in the middle of college, my dad was crushed to death in a work accident. We lost the house, I was near being homeless for several years, running all over the country.

This wasn't even all of it. There are a few other things that happened to me only those closest to me know about. For a long time, I felt sorry for myself. I was angry at the world. I acted out. I took my share of painkillers/anti-depressants and gained a bunch of weight.

At one point, almost two years ago now, I was ready to kill myself. I couldn't handle the constant pain. And while I was angry at God at times, He never took His hands off my life. Not once. I look back on all those moments and see he was always there. Times when I should've slept out on the street, I didn't. Times when I almost ran out of food, I didn't.

My needs were always taken care of. I decided that I needed to change the way I think. While living in a ghetto in Flint, where I couldn't even drink the water, I decided I couldn't wait for someone to fix me. Only *I* could do it.

I gave up the meds, I've been working on my diet (and have lost over 50 pounds over last year, but now recommitted to it). I decided to start my own business. I now have a very nice apartment in a much nicer/safer area.

I'm not saying any of this for me, for anyone to feel bad for me or any such thing. I just want YOU to know that 90% of it is mental and you can defeat that. You can change how you think, how you react to things.

You reap what you sow, and that includes your thinking. Philippians 4:8 says, "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things."

I still have my moments. The holidays are especially rough for me. This year was REALLY tough on me, because I lost my grandma this year and she ALWAYS made Christmas. She MADE Christmas.

Like, there are only two reasons for the season:
1) Jesus
2) My grandma.

It starts and ends with that battle in your mind.

Wayholka said:

(Sigh) I'm sorry, guys. I'm sorry for having to drag you all into this again. Life is so darn frustrating. I really wish I could be this stoic person that I am expected to be but I'm not.

I'm angry, depressed and disillusioned with life. I often forget that I'm not the only one that feels this way.

I feel like an A-hole now.

Click to expand...

I think you're just having a mild meltdown. Just sign out, let the thread progress onto something else, and forget about it. You'll never understand what people are saying, and they'll never understand what you're meaning when you're like this. It'll only end in hostility for all concerned.

Wayholka said:

(Sigh) I'm sorry, guys. I'm sorry for having to drag you all into this again. Life is so darn frustrating. I really wish I could be this stoic person that I am expected to be but I'm not.

I'm angry, depressed and disillusioned with life. I often forget that I'm not the only one that feels this way.

I feel like an A-hole now.

Click to expand...

It's okay. I think you are feeling this way because you just found out that the nasty girl you worked with was celebrating that you were gone. Of course that is going to really bother you and sting and bring up a lot of unpleasant memories. Just focus on the fact that most of us in Singles enjoy having you here and would like to be your friend. It's not out of compassion or pity. You seem like a fun and cool person. Plus, I've always said, Canadians need to stick together We are outnumbered here

ReesePiece23 said:

I think you're just having a mild meltdown. Just sign out, let the thread progress onto something else, and forget about it. You'll never understand what people are saying, and they'll never understand what you're meaning when you're like this. It'll only end in hostility for all concerned.

Click to expand...

I'll take your advice. Time to lay down in bed and listen to some music. Maybe even talk to God about this.

Thank you all for your patience.

Saucy said:

*long post*

We hear you brother. We've all been there. It's not fair to assume anyone hasn't. Your situation might be unique, but we've all endured terrible circumstances.

For me, my dad was in and out of jail when I was a kid. My mom would drag me from drug house to drug house, where I was constantly abused physically, raped, molested, and even abused mentally. I got the crap beat out of me because I ate a poptart one time. My stepdad tried to kill me, lived in wood shacks with no running water and plastic sheets as walls. Anytime it stormed, we had to run next door to the convenience store.

In the thick of my faith (I wasn't always a Christian) I had been saved only a few years, but I was going to bible college, a minister at my church for the young adults, worked with AWANA and the youth. I wanted to become an ordained pastor, but in the middle of college, my dad was crushed to death in a work accident. We lost the house, I was near being homeless for several years, running all over the country.

This wasn't even all of it. There are a few other things that happened to me only those closest to me know about. For a long time, I felt sorry for myself. I was angry at the world. I acted out. I took my share of painkillers/anti-depressants and gained a bunch of weight.

At one point, almost two years ago now, I was ready to kill myself. I couldn't handle the constant pain. And while I was angry at God at times, He never took His hands off my life. Not once. I look back on all those moments and see he was always there. Times when I should've slept out on the street, I didn't. Times when I almost ran out of food, I didn't.

My needs were always taken care of. I decided that I needed to change the way I think. While living in a ghetto in Flint, where I couldn't even drink the water, I decided I couldn't wait for someone to fix me. Only *I* could do it.

I gave up the meds, I've been working on my diet (and have lost over 50 pounds over last year, but now recommitted to it). I decided to start my own business. I now have a very nice apartment in a much nicer/safer area.

I'm not saying any of this for me, for anyone to feel bad for me or any such thing. I just want YOU to know that 90% of it is mental and you can defeat that. You can change how you think, how you react to things.

You reap what you sow, and that includes your thinking. Philippians 4:8 says, "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things."

I still have my moments. The holidays are especially rough for me. This year was REALLY tough on me, because I lost my grandma this year and she ALWAYS made Christmas. She MADE Christmas.

Like, there are only two reasons for the season:
1) Jesus
2) My grandma.

It starts and ends with that battle in your mind.

Click to expand...

Well said Saucy. It's really hard to near impossible when you are Depressed to see that it is all in your mind, but that's ultimately true, the battle is completely in your mind. That doesn't mean it's not real, I had Depression in high school and spent a good portion of it in psychosis, and to this day struggle with severe anxiety that's almost debilitating and prevents me from functioning at times. There's no shame in seeking help if you need it, sometimes that's the best thing for you, and personally I'm so glad that I realized that while I still could in high school.

Everyone has their own struggles and their own battles, and I believe that is one of the things that ultimately makes us unique are the challenges that we overcome. Yes, sometimes the uphill battles are mountains and the downhills are cliffs, but God will never give you more than you can actually handle, you may just have to learn how to overcome it. Our choices and reactions to the hardships make all of the difference.