- Aug 3, 2014
- 9,172
- 7,367
- Country
- United States
- Gender
- Female
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- Married
Upvote
0
Starting today August 7th, 2024, in order to post in the Married Couples, Courting Couples, or Singles forums, you will not be allowed to post if you have your Marital status designated as private. Announcements will be made in the respective forums as well but please note that if yours is currently listed as Private, you will need to submit a ticket in the Support Area to have yours changed.
I understand where you are coming from. I do have a thought I wanted to share with everyone. It's January of 2017. It's a new year and a chance for a new start. I know lots of fights and drama have occurred in Singles over the years and many left due to the drama. It's easy to hold onto bad feelings and feel bitter towards others who have harmed us. If there is an issue in Singles, it is not past bad behavior, but rather the constant opening of old wounds. There are quite a few new members that have had nothing to do with all the drama. They aren't part of any clique ( they are just enjoying the forum as we all did when we first joined). As hurt as some former members may be it is a mistake to post rants on the forum. Most of the new members aren't the guilty ones anyways, and they shouldn't be dragged into it. I think if we are honest, most of us are conscious of having been too quick to post at times and having said some regrettable things ourselves. I think we need to be willing to let things go and move on. If someone is untrustworthy or has threatened members, we can report them to the mods and move on. If we focus on interacting with the members we enjoy and ignore or avoid fights with the ones we don't agree with, we can have a much friendlier atmosphere in Singles. The responsibility to avoid drama starts with each one of us[Redacted]
(http://imgur.com/ozIkg1M)
Ok. I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve, and frankly, I'm one of the most frank and straight-forward persons here. So much so, you may as well call me frank. It causes me a lot of problems, but that's not ever going to change. As such I have a few things to say.
[Redacted]
Even though I've contributed to these forums for 12 years, I have been one of those people. I spoke up and complained when I both witnessed threats of violence, and received threatening messages here myself. It can be downright frightening at times. My response to that is: my complaints are not going to stop. Act in malicious ways (whomever that applies to), and brace yourself to reap consequences.
I get that there are sub-communities here. I have no problems with there being a Catholic community, an Orthodox community, or a Lutheran community, etc. I have no problem with people being in those communities, and not being fully included in those communities myself. But there is something different about singles. I can explore and post and interact in most sub-forums here in a stimulating way, and even make friends as I have occasionally, problem free for the most part, except in singles. The problem is not that groups of friends exist so much as some groups of friends behaving in ways that are not conducive to the interests of the larger community. I don't think it's too much to ask to stop the harassment, and to ask people to behave like adults and be civil.
Unfortunately, as complicated as this is, one can only theorize as to why it can be so hostile at times. I can offer my best guess, but being outside of the "cliques," that's all I have. I know there have been problematic individuals over the years. Some of them do come back occasionally to cause trouble. I know I've been treated as such when others suspected me of being one, although I know of nothing I have done to be labeled as such. That being the case, the community here (being mostly limited to CF singles for some reason), carries memory, i.e., baggage. Further, there is no way to "clear the air," to address grievances, or to prove one's innocence. With little to no due process, all of that breeds paranoia, secrecy, and toxic interactions, generally speaking (which is a big reason why it is I am so frank here to begin with -- I feel no need to be in other sub-forums).
That being said, it is my opinion, formed through experience, that this community has problems. It's frightening sometimes, and can be genuinely harmful, especially to those who aren't acclimated to it and don't know what they're getting themselves into. If you want a happy, healthy CF Singles community, you all need to change the way you do things.
@James of Arc :
I wish we had this conversation a long time ago. As someone outside of most if not all cliques myself, I was always under the impression that you were somehow a part of it, and I often felt like you were mimicking and trying to mock me, so that I would be discouraged from posting here. If that wasn't the case, then you have my apologies for misjudging you.
[Redacted]
As the CF veteran, I see this issue pop up more than any other. Yes, it sucks feeling like you're being left out. I've even had my own rants in these parts in the past. But I have to say, I really don't think anyone on CF sets out to leave anyone by the wayside.
We all have our own various interests, share certain chemistry with some more than others, and have our own busy lives. Yes, we are a community and I genuinely think everyone here cares enough to be there for you if you're struggling, need a kind word, or a kick in the butt.
Regardless of who you are or your past, you're welcome here. If you're new, it's just like moving to a new school. There are already groups of friends who exist here and we can try our best to make you feel welcome, but some of that work is on you as well. There will naturally be a barrier until we get to know you better. There's no disrespect intended by any of us.
We use cookies and similar technologies for the following purposes:
Do you accept cookies and these technologies?
We use cookies and similar technologies for the following purposes:
Do you accept cookies and these technologies?