Background
I’ve been trusting Jesus Christ as both my savior and lord for a week now. Most of my life I thought I was a good Christian, but my lifestyle proclaimed a different story. I’ve written a good amount on my past life, which was steeped in sexual addiction and sinful habits, but some folks have been asking what is new in my life. This is what I’ve noticed so far.
Clarity
Perhaps the biggest part of my new life has been the increasing clarity of the truth that is coming due to having a new heart and the breaking down of various barriers in my life, both of my own making (lies I believed over the years and lived by) and spiritual warfare (attacks/oppression of demonic origin). Once all of those were dealt with, my understanding of Scripture and even my communications with my wife have taken on a dramatic change on my end.
I read a Scriptural post by my wife a couple days ago before dealing with the demonic issues, and I felt criticism and harshness from her from the message. Following the changes above, I reread the post, and I can’t tell you the difference! It was now filled with love and hope, and just the right words to encourage and help me on my new pathway, and I also sensed God telling me that this was from him and that my wife was just the messenger. In fact, all these years she has been writing and sharing, God has been pursuing me and reaching out with his words of love and grace, yet I saw them in a different light. What a difference! Her whole post, from 1 John 4, Love and Acknowledge, is my new John 3:16 passage of God’s love and living in truth and love. There is no medicine that could have been taken that would have given my heart a better healing at that time that what God gave her for me.
Truth
Another huge change in my life has been the abundance of truth instead of lies. My old life was filled with lies and manipulations and denials, but God is shining his light of truth on me now, and the peace and freedom from no longer hiding and no longer living for myself is amazing!
This morning I read Psalm 139 in a new light, because of the clarity God has been giving me, and now the truth is awesome!
In the past I often saw this as God pointing out my sins. Most times I would feel guilty and then confess, but then would go back within a short time. I also thought David was trying to hide from God’s presence because of his sins or so he could sin, but knowing he couldn’t hide. So often I tried to ignore God while I was rebelling and sinning against him, but I also knew I was never out of his presence, and I always knew when I was sinning against him - it was like I would put my hands over my ears so I couldn’t hear him say, “Stop!”
A good friend from the Charlotte area once said that he couldn’t understand why it mattered to him if his friends knew if he was sinning or not, but he was okay with God knowing. I get that! The fact is God is always with us, and in my new life, that is such a blessing and a comfort; not a threat! And I believe now that David was so enthralled with the joy of God’s presence in every part of his life that he was saying, “There isn’t anywhere I can go that you’re not with me – how cool is that!” (I think David might have used that expression if it was around then).
Getting back to the truth in Psalm 139:
This truth is so fresh and exciting to me as I think about the freedom and joy of living in the Lord instead of my old life – wow! There is no comparison! He truly is with me and in my thoughts when I awake now – I never imagined that would ever be possible for me.
Unselfishness
Another huge change God is working in me is opening my eyes to my old life of selfishness and making it possible for me to think of others and be unselfish. I was unbelievably selfish and self-centered most of my life – I even was blind to a lot of it and thought I was a pretty good guy!
One training ground for this change, which I really appreciate, is my opportunities to think first of and show love for my wife. I’m about a million behind her in that area, and I mean to do my best to treat her the best I possibly can going forward. I cannot describe how grateful I am for her faithfulness and for God’s faithfulness to me!
Surrender to Jesus Christ
One of the first and most important ongoing keys to my new life is my surrender to Jesus Christ. He is in charge of my life. I am so used to checklists and doing things myself, but I am learning day by day to live by faith, and give the agenda and the control over to him. This is a real battle, not because I want to be in charge – I already know how that will end up – but because I do it so automatically. Please pray for me that I will be reminded regularly of this permanent change and my need to obey him instead of jumping in without even a thought of him.
Regardless of my past life, God was still able to cover all my sins and make me a new creation in him. I’m on board now, and ready to follow him in my new freedom. I know he may continue to use me to reach out to other men who have come from my past of sexual addiction, and I will gladly do whatever he wants. They are a very large and very tortured group of guys who have almost nowhere to turn, especially if they are in a spiritual leadership position. I am hardly equipped to counsel anyone at this time, but I know a God who knows everything about us, and can change our hearts and make all things new. He did it for me! What else do I need to know?
What’s new with you?
I’ve been trusting Jesus Christ as both my savior and lord for a week now. Most of my life I thought I was a good Christian, but my lifestyle proclaimed a different story. I’ve written a good amount on my past life, which was steeped in sexual addiction and sinful habits, but some folks have been asking what is new in my life. This is what I’ve noticed so far.
Clarity
Perhaps the biggest part of my new life has been the increasing clarity of the truth that is coming due to having a new heart and the breaking down of various barriers in my life, both of my own making (lies I believed over the years and lived by) and spiritual warfare (attacks/oppression of demonic origin). Once all of those were dealt with, my understanding of Scripture and even my communications with my wife have taken on a dramatic change on my end.
I read a Scriptural post by my wife a couple days ago before dealing with the demonic issues, and I felt criticism and harshness from her from the message. Following the changes above, I reread the post, and I can’t tell you the difference! It was now filled with love and hope, and just the right words to encourage and help me on my new pathway, and I also sensed God telling me that this was from him and that my wife was just the messenger. In fact, all these years she has been writing and sharing, God has been pursuing me and reaching out with his words of love and grace, yet I saw them in a different light. What a difference! Her whole post, from 1 John 4, Love and Acknowledge, is my new John 3:16 passage of God’s love and living in truth and love. There is no medicine that could have been taken that would have given my heart a better healing at that time that what God gave her for me.
Truth
Another huge change in my life has been the abundance of truth instead of lies. My old life was filled with lies and manipulations and denials, but God is shining his light of truth on me now, and the peace and freedom from no longer hiding and no longer living for myself is amazing!
This morning I read Psalm 139 in a new light, because of the clarity God has been giving me, and now the truth is awesome!
O Lord, you have searched me and known me!
2 You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
you discern my thoughts from afar.
3 You search out my path and my lying down
and are acquainted with all my ways.
4 Even before a word is on my tongue,
behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.
5 You hem me in, behind and before,
and lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
it is high; I cannot attain it.
7 Where shall I go from your Spirit?
Or where shall I flee from your presence?
8 If I ascend to heaven, you are there!
If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
9 If I take the wings of the morning
and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
10 even there your hand shall lead me,
and your right hand shall hold me.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,
and the light about me be night,”
12 even the darkness is not dark to you;
the night is bright as the day,
for darkness is as light with you.
2 You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
you discern my thoughts from afar.
3 You search out my path and my lying down
and are acquainted with all my ways.
4 Even before a word is on my tongue,
behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.
5 You hem me in, behind and before,
and lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
it is high; I cannot attain it.
7 Where shall I go from your Spirit?
Or where shall I flee from your presence?
8 If I ascend to heaven, you are there!
If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
9 If I take the wings of the morning
and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
10 even there your hand shall lead me,
and your right hand shall hold me.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,
and the light about me be night,”
12 even the darkness is not dark to you;
the night is bright as the day,
for darkness is as light with you.
In the past I often saw this as God pointing out my sins. Most times I would feel guilty and then confess, but then would go back within a short time. I also thought David was trying to hide from God’s presence because of his sins or so he could sin, but knowing he couldn’t hide. So often I tried to ignore God while I was rebelling and sinning against him, but I also knew I was never out of his presence, and I always knew when I was sinning against him - it was like I would put my hands over my ears so I couldn’t hear him say, “Stop!”
A good friend from the Charlotte area once said that he couldn’t understand why it mattered to him if his friends knew if he was sinning or not, but he was okay with God knowing. I get that! The fact is God is always with us, and in my new life, that is such a blessing and a comfort; not a threat! And I believe now that David was so enthralled with the joy of God’s presence in every part of his life that he was saying, “There isn’t anywhere I can go that you’re not with me – how cool is that!” (I think David might have used that expression if it was around then).
Getting back to the truth in Psalm 139:
17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 If I would count them, they are more than the sand.
I awake, and I am still with you.
How vast is the sum of them!
18 If I would count them, they are more than the sand.
I awake, and I am still with you.
This truth is so fresh and exciting to me as I think about the freedom and joy of living in the Lord instead of my old life – wow! There is no comparison! He truly is with me and in my thoughts when I awake now – I never imagined that would ever be possible for me.
Unselfishness
Another huge change God is working in me is opening my eyes to my old life of selfishness and making it possible for me to think of others and be unselfish. I was unbelievably selfish and self-centered most of my life – I even was blind to a lot of it and thought I was a pretty good guy!
One training ground for this change, which I really appreciate, is my opportunities to think first of and show love for my wife. I’m about a million behind her in that area, and I mean to do my best to treat her the best I possibly can going forward. I cannot describe how grateful I am for her faithfulness and for God’s faithfulness to me!
Surrender to Jesus Christ
One of the first and most important ongoing keys to my new life is my surrender to Jesus Christ. He is in charge of my life. I am so used to checklists and doing things myself, but I am learning day by day to live by faith, and give the agenda and the control over to him. This is a real battle, not because I want to be in charge – I already know how that will end up – but because I do it so automatically. Please pray for me that I will be reminded regularly of this permanent change and my need to obey him instead of jumping in without even a thought of him.
Regardless of my past life, God was still able to cover all my sins and make me a new creation in him. I’m on board now, and ready to follow him in my new freedom. I know he may continue to use me to reach out to other men who have come from my past of sexual addiction, and I will gladly do whatever he wants. They are a very large and very tortured group of guys who have almost nowhere to turn, especially if they are in a spiritual leadership position. I am hardly equipped to counsel anyone at this time, but I know a God who knows everything about us, and can change our hearts and make all things new. He did it for me! What else do I need to know?
What’s new with you?
