What would you Say..... ???

4jacks · Feb 9, 2006

Okay Another thread got me Thinking about This.

Here is the hypothetical situation....

You and your spouse get married, both young and secksy...

A little bit of Time goes by... and you begin to notice your spousey ain't to idealistic anymore... (or at least not like they use to be) Maybe a couple of pounds here, little saggy here, little dropping here, Maybe they need to get that big mole taken care of, ya know generic stuff...

BUT YOU LOVE YOUR SPOUSE TO DEATH!!! Your Marriage is great, life is happy happy joy joy, you treat each other wonderfully, very loving happy marriage.

BUT then one Day ... DUN DUN DUN

Your spouse looks at You and asks..
Do You Still Think I'm Physically Attractive?

We all know the First think that Pops in are head is that Couple of Pounds, and the Droopy butt. But then we rationalize and say to ourselves that our spouse still has those great eyes, pronounce chin, nose that you love, beutiful hair... yadda yadda yadda...

How do you Answer the Question...

You can post a Reply for Explaination.

searle29678 · Feb 9, 2006

My hubby has gained about thirty pounds since we got married, he has a few stretch marks, and bags under his eyes....and I would answer the question with an emphatic yes.

Now that I am older and truly in love with my husband I realize that physical attraction has absolutely nothing to do with what he looks like on the outside. Back in high school I dated a guy that was absolutely beautiful to begin with, but once I got to know him I wasn't attracted to him at all. My husband was beautiful physically when I met him and he will always be beautiful because I love him for the person he is and not for what he looks like.

Godisgr8r · Feb 9, 2006

If I asked the question, I would want to know the truth. If he still found me physically attractive, then great, but if he didn't, I would want to know. All of us are going to get saggy as we age, that is just the way it is, but if the weight was getting out of hand, then I would want to be told. I know it would probably hurt my feelings, but I would want to look my best for him. I have told him that he needs to stop eating when he is bored because he has gained some weight. If you are secure in your relationship with each other, you should be able to tell each other things like that.

If the question is asked then you put yourself at risk for hearing the truth. If you don't want to know, then don't ask.

4jacks · Feb 9, 2006

searle29678 said:
My hubby has gained about thirty pounds since we got married, he has a few stretch marks, and bags under his eyes....and I would answer the question with an emphatic yes.

Now that I am older and truly in love with my husband I realize that physical attraction has absolutely nothing to do with what he looks like on the outside. Back in high school I dated a guy that was absolutely beautiful to begin with, but once I got to know him I wasn't attracted to him at all. My husband was beautiful physically when I met him and he will always be beautiful because I love him for the person he is and not for what he looks like.

No no no... none of this beauty is on the inside stuff...
The topic of the conversation (Hypothetically) is on the OUTSIDE. ..

in the hypothetical situation your spouse is a beautiful wonderful person on the inside but is asking you Specifically about the Outside!! Do you lie, try to encourage, or tell the blunt truth??

Godisgr8r · Feb 9, 2006

We can all pretend that we wouldn't care what our spouse looked like, but that just isn't true. I love my husband dearly, but if he allowed himself to gain 100 lbs, it would hurt me greatly. I feel that we should always try our best to look good for our spouses. When he married me, I looked good, I want to continue to look good. It is not fair to him for me to let myself go. I think he would resent me for it. Would he love me, yes, of course, would be want to take me anywhere, I doubt it. I love him enough to work my hardest to look good for him. That's just me though.

Godisgr8r · Feb 9, 2006

And again, yes, I would want to know the truth.

searle29678 · Feb 9, 2006

Godisgr8r said:
We can all pretend that we wouldn't care what our spouse looked like, but that just isn't true. I love my husband dearly, but if he allowed himself to gain 100 lbs, it would hurt me greatly. I feel that we should always try our best to look good for our spouses. When he married me, I looked good, I want to continue to look good. It is not fair to him for me to let myself go. I think he would resent me for it. Would he love me, yes, of course, would be want to take me anywhere, I doubt it. I love him enough to work my hardest to look good for him. That's just me though.

Unless my husband was bedridden and couldn't do better, he wouldn't gain 100lbs for his own sake...forget what I think.

I personally want to look my best because that is when I feel my best physically and mentally which makes me a little happier and more able to care for him and do the things that he likes to do.

My physical attraction to him is not based at all on what he looks like anymore. There was a time when it was very important to me, but that was before I really fell in love with him and started finding out who he was and what kind of person he was. I personally would feel really bad if he suddenly decided that I wasn't attractive to him anymore for whatever reason and I think he would feel the same way. To me that implies that him wanting to be with me sexually or otherwise is based on the way I look, and vice versa if I were to feel that way towards him. The only thing that would bother me about him being obese or having any other sort of physical problem is his health because heart problems run in his family already and he doesn't need more risk factors.

4jacks · Feb 9, 2006

searle29678 said:
My physical attraction to him is not based at all on what he looks like anymore.

Physical Attraction = What he looks like

Your attraction to him may be based on many other things other than what he looks like, which is understandable, and we ALL feel that way about our spouses... But the topic of the conversation is Physical attraction, what he looks like.

So You're answer is that it does not matter. Because everything else outweighs that. correct?

c1ners · Feb 9, 2006

It really depends on the situation. In the past few months I have put on about ten pounds, but I think I look good, and would be insulted if my husband told me otherwise. On the otherhand, I have also started getting wrinkles around the eyes. I don't mind him bringing that up. Now, if I gain another ten pounds I would expect him to let me know so I can something about it.

Everyone changes as they grow older. If you truly love someone, you love all those changes. It doesn't stop them from being sexy or attractive.I don't really know what you're looking for. You can always find something attractive in anyone. If you're afraid of hurting her, find something that is still as beautiful. Your smile melts my heart, your hair is as beautiful today as it was the day we met. You don't have to comment on the parts that have gone downhill.

searle29678 · Feb 9, 2006

4jacks said:
Physical Attraction = What he looks like

Your attraction to him may be based on many other things other than what he looks like, which is understandable, and we ALL feel that way about our spouses... But the topic of the conversation is Physical attraction, what he looks like.

So You're answer is that it does not matter. Because everything else outweighs that. correct?

What I meant by that is that my being physically attracted to him, which I take to mean as finding him sexy, handsome, or whatever you want to call it, has nothing to do with his looks but everything to do with the way he treats me and who he is.

Edited to add: I knew when I married him, and I hope he knew it too, that we were both going to start sagging here and there, gaining a little weight, wrinkling up, and that basically our physical appearance in 5, 10, 15, or even 20 years is not going to be the same as it was the day we got married or the day we met even. To stop being physically attracted to him because of appearance alone would say that what he looked like played too big a part in why we got married. Now if he started cheating on me, drinking all the time, staying out all night, etc....that would cause me to not be attracted to him anymore because to me that is uglier than gaining a little weight or getting bags under his eyes.

Redguard · Feb 9, 2006

I'm pretty sure the rule of thumb is that men are not to say that they're no longer attracted to their wives.... EVER. I'm sure it's written somewhere in the secret Man Book.

llghoney · Feb 9, 2006

I am very aware of how I look & what needs working on. And I will make comments like " I really need to get my you know what in shape." The truth is the truth. Same with him.

As far as what to say if your spouse asks you you say politely I love you for who u are & why are u asking me this? Do you feel like you are not attractive?"

searle29678 · Feb 9, 2006

Redguard said:
I'm pretty sure the rule of thumb is that men are not to say that they're no longer attracted to their wives.... EVER. I'm sure it's written somewhere in the secret Man Book.

You are right, I don't think those words should ever be said by anyone. There are much better ways to say it without coming out and proclaiming your disgust for your spouse. That may not be what you meant to say but I know that is what I would hear.

If it becomes a problem there are subtle ways to incorporate healthier living and exercise into both of your daily lives without having to have a discussion about what is unattractive about them.

Leanna · Feb 9, 2006

This is a tough situation.... I voted change subject :/

LynnMcG · Feb 9, 2006

I think love is blind...or it should be!

Look, if you believe God made this person for you then God will give you the desire for that person. Hate to break it to you Jacks, but we all start to "change" as we age. Can't be helped. But that means BOTH of you will. Thank goodness.

It's funny how we see ourselves and how our spouse sees us. I think my husband is hot. I think he gets better looking every year. I love that! He complains about his gray, his skin, his little belly...and yet, I LOVE ALL OF THAT and I wouldn't change a thing!

Do I still think he's attractive? Oh yeah.

4jacks · Feb 9, 2006

searle29678 said:
What I meant by that is that my being physically attracted to him, which I take to mean as finding him sexy, handsome, or whatever you want to call it, has nothing to do with his looks but everything to do with the way he treats me and who he is.

Once again, this topic is not about WHOLE Package, how he treats you and who he is... It is about how he looks, his apperance, his phyisque. Hypothetically he asks you about those things and NOT about how he treats you and who he is..... I think I know your answer but but we are having trouble communicating.

Redguard said:
I'm pretty sure the rule of thumb is that men are not to say that they're no longer attracted to their wives.... EVER. I'm sure it's written somewhere in the secret Man Book.

THAT IS EXACTLY WHY WOMEN ASK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But this poll is for both Men and Women, Men can ask if their butt looks big also.

llghoney said:
As far as what to say if your spouse asks you you say politely I love you for who u are & why are u asking me this? Do you feel like you are not attractive?"

Pretend the Double trick question doesn't work and your spouse answers, "Just becuase I want your Honest Opinion"

You are forced into answering the question... what do you say?

4jacks · Feb 9, 2006

LynnMcG said:
Hate to break it to you Jacks, but we all start to "change" as we age.

NOoooo... I am invincable!!!

LynnMcG said:
I think my husband is hot. I think he gets better looking every year. I love that! He complains about his gray, his skin, his little belly...and yet, I LOVE ALL OF THAT and I wouldn't change a thing!

Do I still think he's attractive? Oh yeah.

Good Answer... but not a choice, i didn't think of that.

christalee4 · Feb 9, 2006

Redguard said:
I'm pretty sure the rule of thumb is that men are not to say that they're no longer attracted to their wives.... EVER. I'm sure it's written somewhere in the secret Man Book.

Ay-men.

A husband would be be foolish to say that he is no longer physically attracted to his wife, just because she has put on weight. Now I am talking about normal weight gain as one ages. Excessive weight gain, to obesity, is a health situation and as a caring spouse, I am sure the husband would tactfully encourage the wife to go to her doctor, get on a diet plan, seek counseling, etc., if the weight gain was that excessive.

But regular weight gain, sagginess, wrinkles, due to the ageing process, is harder to perfect, unless one can afford plastic surgery and a personal trainer. And even if one could afford those luxuries, would you really want your spouse to look plastic?
http://www.awfulplasticsurgery.com/archives/cat_scary_celebrities.html

Are you really 26, 4jacks? If so, wait until you are in your 50's, dude. Real love is beneath the skin, don't you think?

Leanna · Feb 9, 2006

Its true 4jacks, someday you and your wife will be old, and look old. So enjoy the next 20 years as you slowly deteriorate. And stop being so vain!!! Looks aren't everything.

c1ners · Feb 9, 2006

Leanna said:
Its true 4jacks, someday you and your wife will be old, and look old. So enjoy the next 20 years as you slowly deteriorate. And stop being so vain!!! Looks aren't everything.

AMEN!

What would you Say..... ???

Spouse asks "Do You Still Find My Physically Attractive?"

TRICK QUESTION ~~ RUN AWAY

Politely try to change the Conversation

Well Dear.... You have gained a couple pounds

Did I ever find you Physically Attractive?

Yeah From the Neck Up and Ankles Down!

Yeah! You're still Sexy, But Maybe we Could work on ....

Physical Beuaty is Shall and Worthless, I don't ever look at that

*Crosses Fingers Behind Back* Yeah Baby, You still my Wild Thang, You Da Bomb For Really Yo!

Well I've been Thinking about that, and I'm getting you a gym membership

Well I've thought about that a lot, And I'm running off to Michagan to Be a Nun/Preist, Goodbye!

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