What would you have done?

[LovebirdsFlying]

Last night I was watching an installment of World's Dumbest on TruTV. It was a countdown of stupid things drivers do. I was barely paying attention, because that kind of thing isn't normally my style, and my husband watches that channel far more often than I do. But then something happened that made me sit up and take notice.

From the size of the house and from the Hummers in the driveway, it's safe to guess the family was fairly well off. It was the kid's 16th birthday, and his parents led him to the driveway where they presented him with a cheap, unattractive pickup truck. They explained their reasoning: He was a beginning driver, and it wouldn't matter what he did to it while he was gaining experience, until he got a job and could buy a nicer vehicle. Although it was ugly, it ran well.

Kid lost his temper, entered the house, and got a baseball bat. While proceeding to bash dents in his birthday present, he was screaming at his parents about how much he hated what they'd given him. Naturally I would be in violation if I quoted everything he said, but the kindest was that "you're making me look like a poor kid in front of my friends." He also complained that he would be the least popular in the school, driving it.

Now, if I had been the parent, I'd have sold the truck to some kid who would appreciate it, and the ungrateful little brat would have ended up with nothing. But according to the narrator, this kid's "punishment" was that he still had to drive that truck even with all the dents he'd put in it.

Your thoughts?

 

[zaksmummy]

I can see their logic - he now has to drive in a dented car that makes him look even poorer in front of his friends. Hopefully he will think twice before smashing it or anything else up.

 

[MessianicMommy]

I can see their logic - he now has to drive in a dented car that makes him look even poorer in front of his friends. Hopefully he will think twice before smashing it or anything else up.

I either would have done that also, or just sold it outright, and told him he could just pay for his own, just like any other normal individual.

Shoot, I bought mine...

 

[lucypevensie]

My first thought is that I'd sell it. He can just buy his own when he mature enough to save the money for what he wants. Added bonus is that as the buyer he'll probably have a better appreciation for what he owns and he'll be more likely to care for it well.

Then I thought how spoiled is a kid who would do such a thing? Apparently very spoiled. I'm not justifying his behavior, but what were the parents expecting? "wow, thanks, I appreciate this so much!"? Here he probably thought his parents would buy him some hot brand new car because they probably bought him everything else that he wanted whenever he wanted. So they surprise him with an ugly old beater. Nice time to try to teach him gratitide.

 

[grasping the after wind]

It is already too late to do the right thing with this spoiled ingrate. what needed doing was left undone for 16 years. Unfortunately, the parents and the other people that this child comes in contact with probably display the same moral values as he is here displaying so you can hardly blame the kid for valuing the quality of his material possessions ahead of all else.

 

[zaksmummy]

Hang on a minute - hes a teenager. They are often ungrateful, even when they have been taught otherwise. I hold myself in my teenage years as an example.

My dad had a saying - "when I was 16 I thought my parents knew nothing, when I was 21 I realised how much they'd learned".

He is obviously an immature child with a lot of growing up to do.

 

[JRSut1000]

As tempting as it is to blame the parents, can't always do that. It seemed they were actually being pretty wise. If they had been spoiling him all along, why then did they buy him a used, old pick-up truck instead of a shiny handsome one?

Once you hit the teen years and beyond, you're pretty much accountable for your own actions and behaviors. He's in his parents house and should abide by their rules and such but when it comes to personal behavior, it's on him.

How many times do we see teens rebel even in a christian home with parents who did their best? I don't know why this is, I still have yet to figure this out. My child is only 1 year old so I'm not at that stage of parenting yet. I know Proverbs said to train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it... But yet many still do at least for a season.

I'm rambling, but very thought-provoking discussion. Can't answer as to what I would have done though because I dont know.

 

[good brother]

Considering my first car was a 79 Corolla with more rust than paint yet it was all my parents could afford, I was VERY grateful to them for the freedom that comes with a set of keys. I loved that old POJ!

I am a mechanic and I am a new father. My son is now 11 weeks old and I have already brought him out to the garage to "show" him how to fix stuff. Okay, so he doesn't know a thig about cars but it sure is fun to see his smiling face when I turn around from working on my truck or cycle. I do plan on raising my son up to appreciate vehicles for more than a paint job. After all, I would hope he would appreciate a lady for more than her appearance.

As to the OP, I like both scenarios put forth- sell it and make him earn his own or make him drive an even uglier version of the vehicle mom and dad got for him. Or I might sell it and find something absolutely hideous (a rusted out 79 Corolla comes to mind) and make him drive that!

All in all, I hope my wife and I do a better job raising our son than the one on that TV show.

In Christ, GB

 

[Catherineanne]

Kid lost his temper, entered the house, and got a baseball bat. While proceeding to bash dents in his birthday present, he was screaming at his parents about how much he hated what they'd given him. Naturally I would be in violation if I quoted everything he said, but the kindest was that "you're making me look like a poor kid in front of my friends." He also complained that he would be the least popular in the school, driving it.

Now, if I had been the parent, I'd have sold the truck to some kid who would appreciate it, and the ungrateful little brat would have ended up with nothing. But according to the narrator, this kid's "punishment" was that he still had to drive that truck even with all the dents he'd put in it.

Your thoughts?

Dysfunctional families buy gifts to make themselves feel better. They will tend to buy what they think the other person needs, regardless of the actual feelings or opinions of the person involved. Healthy people don't.

A car is a very personal thing, and teens are very sensitive people. Put the two together and it is a very brave parent who will buy a car for a teen without showing it to him or her first. That car becomes an extension of the teen's personality, and just look what they offer to him. His comments are exactly what a teen would be expected to say; peer approval is more important to him than anything else; it is more certainly more important than considerations of whether the truck runs well or not.

It is just as easy to buy a good looking older car as it is to buy an ugly old truck. Why choose the ugly one?

In effect the subliminal message of the tatty old truck was not about the truck, but about their son. It was an expression of how they saw him; it didn't matter how he looks or what anyone thinks of him because his current identity is only temporary and one day he will grow up and the real person - the one who matters - will show up. It amounts to a huge negation of his current identity.

The teenager was reacting to the subliminal messages, and his reaction was totally understandable to me. Forcing him to drive that battered old truck around just compounds the same messages; you are not good enough for a decent motor, your truck is rubbish, and so are you.

Ungrateful? For what exactly?

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

Ungrateful? For what exactly?

To quote my own daughter, "On my 16th birthday, I would have been grateful for a bicycle." Peer approval is important to a teenager, but his rantings about "you're making me look like a poor kid" sound like snobbery to me. I *was* a poor kid, and any car at all would have been fine with me. You have a point about choosing an attractive older vehicle as opposed to an ugly one, but the kid's actions do show him to be spoiled. Parents don't OWE a 16-year-old his own vehicle at all. It was a gift, and he should have been gracious. IMO. Maybe in some circles of society, getting your own car comes automatically with turning 16, but it didn't apply to anybody I know.

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

....Then I thought how spoiled is a kid who would do such a thing? Apparently very spoiled....Nice time to try to teach him gratitide.

Good points. It reminds me of some props I was once forced to give my ex-husband, although usually when he comes up in the conversation, I am NOT giving him props. His mother was berating him at the top of her voice, as she often did. As was customary for her, amid a flurry of obscenities she called him a "spoiled brat."

Rather than turn around and abuse her right back, which was his normal tactic, he looked her calmly in the eye and asked, "Who spoiled me?"

Ba-ZING!!! He definitely had her, there.

 

[JRSut1000]

I never had my own car until I was 2 years into my marriage! Americans today in general have this 'I deserve' or entitlement attitude and it stinks.

 

[homeofmew]

he should have been grateful he got anything.
maybe he should have started on that car then got the nice gar later.
as long it was running well I don't see the issue.
Heh he could have painted it or something wouldn't have cost that much.

 

[MessianicMommy]

My cousins each got older cars, each that worked, but sometimes needed fixing when they turned 16. I bought an old (very good condition) 1981 Buick.... had it for several years, before it just kept losing so much oil I couldn't handle it. I sold it to someone that could fix that and keep using the car. I got a newer model car, but for what i had paid originally for the first. It needed a little work, but I was in my younger 20s when I had it.

My male cousins used their old cars to learn how to fix them and change tires and such. It was a learning experience. Considering we were on the lower end of "middle class" it did not bother us not one bit. I would have been thankful for *anything* that got me around to my job, even if it were a horse and buggy, or a mini pony pulling a cart!


I remember the attitude at our youth group meetings -- exactly that of the teen offered up in the OP. Everyone was getting a nice new SUV or Truck for their 16th, and all went to private schools. Those who didn't were treated worse than chicken scratch...

I was on non-speaking terms with 95% of the youth group, yet I volunteered to help work on planning and music etc. They wanted nothing to do with me, because I did not have "new" things, didn't have a "new car" and wasn't in their cliques and had no idea what bands they were talking about... the only thing cool about me, was that I lived overseas before and could speak Spanish.

I don't know if it's anything I did, because I seem to recall no one ever sat with me even if they had to, and even the homeschool group kids wouldn't have anything to do with us because we were previously military. We weren't living in the high-class neighborhoods and didn't have hobbies and other extra-curricular activities like them so we just weren't considered "quality" to hang with.

Funny how all that changes when you grow up.

 

[grasping the after wind]

When did it become normal for parents to buy any kind of car for their children? Someone mentioned that the choice of a car was a personal thing. It should be so and the person that chooses it should buy it. Owning a car and everything that car ownership entails is a very grown up responsibility and anyone that cannot afford to buy their own car pay for their own insurance,registration and any repairs that might be needed should probably not have one.

 

[lisah]

Your thoughts?

I wouldn't have sold it, but I wouldn't have "surprised" him with it either.

I have a thirteen year old and we are already discussing what her expectations should be regarding an automobile. It sounds to me like the parents have not spent much time discussing things like this, thus his expectations were higher due to his parents standards for themselves.

Both were off the mark, if you ask me.

 

[ex-pat]

Well, I'd have sold it and told him he had to wait till he could afford it to buy another one. Oh..and he'd be using public transportation or walking to get anywhere until he had his own car.

 

[Spiritlight]

If my kid did that I would have sold it after I got it repaired and took the repair cost out of his allowance.

I also would have let him in on the news the skateboard he got for Christmas is all hes got till he gets a job and buys his dream car.

I would be very hard here to teach him a lesson in humility and thankfulness that will serve him well the rest of his life.

If he gets pooey and wants to leave home as retaliation (which is where that will lead to), I would say ts cheaper for me and I dont really care, even though I do.

 

[suzybeezy]

I have to raise my hand - my oldest two children suffer from spoiled child syndrome, particularly my eldest son lol We bought my son his first three cars, yes I said 3. He's only 22 and has burned through 3 of them. Its only recently that I've connected the dots in my brain and realized how stupid this was of me and how I wasn't really doing him any favors. We have put a stop to all the "favors" we were doing for him and now are insisting he do things on his own and he's taking a greater pride when he does buy "his" things - he actually takes care of them. Go figure lol

 

[Spiritlight]

Proverbs 22:6

Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.

I am not sure but I think the best presents I can give my kids is education, manners ,SOME discipline, and a sense of humour.