What would you do?

[rhssm]

Okay. There's this guy that asked me out last semester, that I knew from high school. We had lost touch and one of my friends had given him my screen name, so he started talking to me. At the time, I told him, nicely, that I wasn't really looking for anything... which is very true; I would have said the same thing again, regardless of who had just asked me out, because I'm not looking for anything right now (but in addition, I just wasn't interested in him like that). I thought I should go ahead and let him know in advance so that he wouldn't later feel like he was strung along or something and then let down. I told him I'd still like to go do something with him as a friend though. He said alright.

We go out, then at the end of the night when he's bringing me home, he tells me that he 'knows I don't want to be anything more than friends with him, but he's still interested in pursuing something with me anyway.' He told me this a few seconds after I had just, once again, confirmed that I just want to be friends with him. And the only reason I brought it up again is because it was obvious this is where the conversation was going. Anyway, it kind of bothered and annoyed me that he wouldn't just respect the fact that I just wasn't interested in him like that. He kept pushing it. I was still nice to him for the rest of the drive home.

Then a few weeks later, I'm online and he accuses me of thinking I'm better than him. I didn't really appreciate this... I don't think I'm better than anyone. If the first thing he did wasn't enough... I really didn't feel comfortable talking to him now. First he wouldn't take no for an answer, then he accused me of being something I'm not. I had planned on being friends with him and continuing to hang out with him, but now I just don't feel comfortable around him. But I'm home now, and once again... he's asking me out. He said 'not to worry, it's only as friends', but I can't even see a friend talking to me the way he did. I just feel uncomfortable around him now. What do I do about this? What do you think about his actions? I don't really want to, but I don't want to be rude either.

 

[revelations12_12]

He is rude and self absorbed, he obviousley did not take your feelings into account, if you go out with him again he will find ooportunities to ridicule you and bring down as a defense mechanism for feeling rejected.

Stay away, his intentions are not as he may try to make them appear, I assure you.

 

[rhssm]

Well, I already know he's a jerk. And I have no desire to date him. I just don't know what to say to him... I don't want to even hang out with him. Should I just blow him off? I hate it when guys put me in this position. No means no, gggrrrr. Then I'm in a hard spot. I don't want to be rude, but I guess I may have to be. If he had been nice, I could have still been friends with him.

 

[revelations12_12]

yeh just blow him off, just don't answer your phone when he calls, and if he is on a messenger you are, just put him on ignore/hide online status. I have had to use this a few times and it workds great for the stalker types or anyone you don't want to hear from.

If he contacts you and asks to hang out just umm I am not sure let me get right back to you I have to go do something really quick then don't. Sounds bad but it works after one try usually.

 

[Charis040]

This is Charis040's daughter.

I think that if this guy is so persistent in asking you out, but cant understand that you arent interested in a relationship, take some space. Let him know that you need some room to think, and PRAY. God will either give you the right words to say, or help him to understand. Even if he makes rude accusations toward you, remember that only God can judge you. I know that those situations still can hurt, and upset you, but remember that you are obviously a great person if you are asking a bunch of people for advice, just so you DONT hurt him. Good luck!

 

[revelations12_12]

oh and if you blow him off and he confronts you later just say, hmm did I? I must have forgot, or got busy or something... then rinse and repeat.

Yeh... I know what you are all thinking, I'm a jerk... but guess what, I AM a jerk. Unless I like you then I am the greatest guy you can ever meet.

 

[waterbear]

There's nothing wrong with blowing someone off - tis simply discretion. Less time spent with him is more time you can spend with someone else.

So ignore him; when he trys to talk to you answer politely but as laconic as possible and quickly think of something you need to be doing if he keeps talking.

 

[rhssm]

If he contacts you and asks to hang out just umm I am not sure let me get right back to you I have to go do something really quick then don't. Sounds bad but it works after one try usually.

Yeah, but you're dealing with females. I'm dealing with guys . From my experience you have to spell things out in big bold letters with a lot of guys. Maybe it's just my experience.

Well the problem is that he talks to my friend here too and hangs out with her some too. Unless she avoids him too, I'm sure I'll have to hang around him some.

 

[rhssm]

So ignore him; when he trys to talk to you answer politely but as laconic as possible and quickly think of something you need to be doing if he keeps talking.

Tis something I already do - polite but short answers. He doesn't get it. I really don't want to end up telling him bluntly to leave me alone.... but he's really asking for it.

 

[waterbear]

Tis something I already do - polite but short answers. He doesn't get it. I really don't want to end up telling him bluntly to leave me alone.... but he's really asking for it.

Yea guys can be pushy - unfortunately some girls actually go for that which encourages this behavior (a girl I knew told a guy "no" for a year... then started dating him [and he hadn't changed]).

Ignoring online is easy, it's easy to be short on the phone, so I'm guessing this is in person? Hmmm... I'd think that over time he'd realize he was getting nowhere and, well, quit trying.

 

[Diane_Windsor]

Yeh... I know what you are all thinking, I'm a jerk... but guess what, I AM a jerk. Unless I like you then I am the greatest guy you can ever meet.

At least your honest about it

Tis something I already do - polite but short answers. He doesn't get it. I really don't want to end up telling him bluntly to leave me alone.... but he's really asking for it.

Next time he confronts you just politely (but firmly) tell him that you're not interested and that you feel that he is invading your space. Get the message across to him that his persistance is actually turning you away. If that doesn't work then you might try imitating the French and just blatantly ignore him. Good luck!

Diane

 

[winglovesall]

Ask yourself - what do you look in a guy?

Ask him whether he wanted a relationship or not? Because you didn't want it - he might want it and he might feel a lot for you. He might feel better and you will - if he tells you his true feelings.

Then, talk straight to him about what your thoughts and your feelings are.

Often - people don't express their feelings out and that can cause problems in a relationship.

If you want a friendship with him - that's OK! I think - there are a lot of males that could be your friend - separate friends from boyfriends (or girlfriends in my case) - boyfriends are for real romance.

 

[rhssm]

Yeah, but you're dealing with females. I'm dealing with guys . From my experience you have to spell things out in big bold letters with a lot of guys. Maybe it's just my experience.

By the way, I didn't mean this in a sexist way. I know there girls like that too. But it seems to be more common in guys.

 

[rhssm]

Ignoring online is easy, it's easy to be short on the phone, so I'm guessing this is in person? Hmmm... I'd think that over time he'd realize he was getting nowhere and, well, quit trying.

It's online and in person. The weird thing about it is that he really doesn't know me that well. So there should be no reason for him to be that attached.

 

[rhssm]

Next time he confronts you just politely (but firmly) tell him that you're not interested and that you feel that he is invading your space. Get the message across to him that his persistance is actually turning you away.

Actually, he's already turned me away. He's not even in the process, it's past that point. I don't care to be around him at all now - not interested.

If that doesn't work then you might try imitating the French and just blatantly ignore him. Good luck!

It appears that I have no other option. But I'll see him sometimes when I'm with one of my friends... that may be weird. Whatever, I guess that's his fault.

 

[revelations12_12]

It's online and in person. The weird thing about it is that he really doesn't know me that well. So there should be no reason for him to be that attached.

yeh your probably hot that is why he is attached, most guys really don't care who you are or what you are about if you are good looking enough.

Just being honest and not saying I am like that but most guys are especially non Christians.

 

[anett]

I think you have tried the nice ways, so now you can straight talk to him saying leave me alone. I agree with some above, there are people who just simply don't understand what you're talking, and in this case you can't be nice any more. It happened to me once, with a guy who not only was a lot older than me but he was a "christian" in position (!) and he couldn't understand me, and so he was actually chasing me... I've learnt it for a lifetime. First you are nice, 2nd time too, but after.... cruel straight talk!

 

[JPPT1974]

By the way, I didn't mean this in a sexist way. I know there girls like that too. But it seems to be more common in guys.

Hey I know you didn't mean that at all in a sexest way. You are fine with me.

 

[waterbear]

It's online and in person. The weird thing about it is that he really doesn't know me that well. So there should be no reason for him to be that attached.

As has been said, for guys knowing someone well typically doesn't matter that much.

Online should be pretty easy - put him on ignore for IM, be very brief with email (and possibly reply a bit late, it's pretty normal to forget about email and helps enforce the notion you really aren't interested). In person... that's more tricky - depends on how you interact with everyone else as to how much you can ignore him without appearing rude/blatant.