What Would You Do ? II

[invisible trousers]

Wrong thread.

Did you remove the option this time because of me?

 

[BAFRIEND]

using the word actually i meant by facts he would be a step-parent in everyday life even if he's not formally.

I removed it because it is a different situation. Feel free to dial 9-11.

 

[BAFRIEND]

using the word actually i meant by facts he would be a step-parent in everyday life even if he's not formally.

If I held such a view I believe I would be guilty of scandal against the sacrament of marriage.l

 

[Bianca87]

If I held such a view I believe I would be guilty of scandal against the sacrament of marriage.

can you please quote the passages where is defined what a step-parent is...
is so hard for you to understand that someone can be a parent figure or something like it for a kid, even without him being formally married to his dad?
my step-dad is not married to my mum (neither was my father for that matter...), but he still is a parent figure to me.
sometimes foundies live in their bubble of formalities and don't even notice that out there there is world full of facts....

 

[BAFRIEND]

my step-dad is not married to my mum (neither was my father for that matter...), but he still is a parent figure to me.

He may be a menotor or friend Bianca, but if he is not even married to your mother, in the Christian sense, he is neither role model nor step-parent.

I am not big on running down scriptures but if you have time of your own, read what Jesus has to say about divorce or the 10 commandments. Anyone living a life of perpetual sin is not a role model.

 

[Bianca87]

He may be a menotor or friend Bianca, but if he is not even married to your mother, in the Christian sense, he is neither role model nor step-parent.

I am not big on running down scriptures but if you have time of your own, read what Jesus has to say about divorce or the 10 commandments. Anyone living a life of perpetual sin is not a role model.

you see, i define things for what they are to me instead of acting towards things according to a pre-given definition. someone doesn't become my step-father marring my mum, but being there for my as a father would do.
even assuming that by the fundamental Christian point of view is not a role model, a sinner he's still my step-father. my sinner step-father, whatever.

 

[Mling]

I would not be comfortable encouraging a child so young to disobey his parent(s).

I would also not be comfortable encouraging a child so old to ignore his own developing religious/spiriutal/moral beliefs.

I think the father is wrong for imposing his prejudice on his son, and also for badmouthing something his son clearly values, but that is not something I can tell the child--that is a message for the father. So...I think I would recommend the whole lot of them to family counciling.

 

[Mling]

UberLutheran


Why can't he come live with you ? the kid who thought he might be gay had an open door invitation.

Uber never responded to this, but I feel inclined to. Uber, feel free to explain what you meant, if I've got it wrong, or ignore, at your leisure.

In the other thread, he specified he would let the boy stay with him, "if he had been kicked out," because it was a situation in which the boy was likely to be kicked out or completely disowned. He didn't just fling his door open and say any gay boy who doesn't like his parents can waltz on in. He gave a very specific situation in which, unless somebody extended an invitation, the boy would be sleeping on the street, and decided that he could be that somebody.

And yes, I have known gay kids and young adults who have ended up sleeping on the streets because their parents disowned them. It is not some crazy, rare, extreme circumstance being brought up for no reason but shock value--it is a very realistic possibility that must be considered in that case.

In this case, not only is it less likely to happen, but the kid has another place to go if it does--his mother's.

Uber extended an invitation where there was a real chance it would be necessary, and didn't where such extreme measures were unlikely to be necessary.
I, also, have offered invitiations to people who were in dire circumstances, but I don't every time a friend gets in an argument with their living partner(s).

 

[BAFRIEND]

Uber extended an invitation where there was a real chance it would be necessary, and didn't where such extreme measures were unlikely to be necessary.

In the first example the boy states he is afraid to tell his parents he might be gay because they are religious. In the sencond the boy is afraid to go to Church because his father might get really mad.

Now, in neither OP example did I meant that either boys parent(s) were going to kick their kid out or do anything physical. But in the second example, I think it would be more evident, that emotions are going to be more extreme. Yet, no one person in this thread has offered protection against the anger the Christian boy might face from his gay parent. Oh, but those evil Christian parents, what they are capable of !

 

[Mling]

The simple fact is that most any adult homosexual has at least one friend who has been disowned and/or abused by their conservative parents. Call it "oh, but those evil Christians parents...!" but it is simple fact. We know it happens, because we have seen it happen.

I have yet to even hear of the existance of a case where a religious kid was kicked out or harmed by their homosexual parents.

There is one real fundamental difference between them--everybody in the second case already knows what's going on. The kid has asked or tried to go to church, and the father has expressed his opinion. We know just how angry the father is, and it seems unlikely that one day he'll just flip out over something that he has already responded to. The kid hasn't been harmed or kicked out yet, even when all the cards are on the table, so it is unlikely that the situation is going to change substantially from what we already know.

But the gay kid hasn't told his parents yet. We have no idea how they will react, but, in other relationships many of us have seen identical situation in which the reaction was very bad (I know of two situations close to me that involved somebody committing suicide). There is an unknown factor here, and nervousness about how it might turn out, based on our own past experiences.

Also, counciling isn't a viable suggestion because it would require the kid to come out to his parents, and nobody has the right to tell him that that is what he needs to do.

 

[Mling]

I've been thinking about this a bit more, and I'm going to add "warn about people online," even, and especially because "cross the line" isn't an option here. A reasonably intelligent kid who is talking about his sexual orientation online probably has some idea that dirty old men might see him as "jailbait."

A kid expressing desperation for religious guidance, though, is "cultbait," and in similar danger of being "seduced" by a different sort of dirty old man.

 

[MrPirate]

assume that you are on a forum and read a new post that says:



What would you do ?

I would assume the author is not a 14 yr old but rather an adult who wrote that to foster his own anti-gay hatred.

 

[BAFRIEND]

I would assume the author is not a 14 yr old but rather an adult who wrote that to foster his own anti-gay hatred.

Anti-gay hatred ? I have no hatred towards anti-gay. I love anti-gay.

 

[united4Peace]

Again I would refer him to a councelor or Minister...
One of which I would know that would explain that one can be Christian and Homosexual at the same time...
There are even affirming Baptist Churches out there!! (Yes I did look it up).
Now the kid may not be gay...but Id refer him to that type of Church because of the fact of his father being homosexual so that the kid wouldnt grow up with a bad taste in his mind and heart for his father thinking the wrong things and thinking negative thoughts about his father such as "Dad is going to Hell" as thoughts like that can really wreck a kid (can wreck an adult also!)...
So...hopefully this way the kid would see his father is okay, maybe his father would realize that Christianity isnt so bad, and if not Christianity and least God isnt so mean and scarey and may even devolop a closer relationship to God as well

 

[BAFRIEND]

One of which I would know that would explain that one can be Christian and Homosexual at the same time...

One can be in God's grace and have a homosexual orientation, but leading a Gay lifestyle is an indication that one is not in God's grace.

 

[MrPirate]

Anti-gay hatred ? I have no hatred towards anti-gay. I love anti-gay.

Yes, your personal prejudices are quite obvious.

 

[Der Alte]

[SIZE=-1]Yes, your personal prejudices are quite obvious.[/SIZE]

Pot [SIZE=+2]↔[/SIZE] kettle.

 

[BereanTodd]

I chose that I would inform/encourage him. No need to refer him to others, I have training in counseling and have been a pastor, I can handle it myself, I would just do my best to help the poor young lad along.

 

[ReformedChapin]

Yes, your personal prejudices are quite obvious.

So are yours.

 

[TheFathersDaughter]

So are yours.

Well, he'll probably admit they're personal and not try to back them up with "oh well GOD told me to tell you you're damned to hell. Sorry man."