what to do

[polkaman]

hello all. I'm in a situation that i just don't quite know what to do. we got a new pastor a year ago. it started, the pastor wanted to meet with everyone, so i did, i ended walking out of the meeting. the pastors husband was at the meeting, and he started to go off on some things that happened at the church before we were there. He (not the pastor) started to bring some things up that I said was done and buried and I was not going to go thru that again, but he wouldn't stop, seeing that, I got up and said I don't have to take this, and while taking two steps out, he started in by saying "go ahead, run away like you have all your life"...this person didn't even know me...and to think I spent almost 2 hours helping them move into the parish house, me and only 2 to 3 others.
after a few weeks I cooled off....i was one of the people that run the local meal program, feeding on aveage 150 one night a week...there were just a few of us, and we got tired, working 2 days to fix the meals, we had been going for 12 years, and thru 2 pastors. one of the things was that the pastor was always there, and meet and talked with people, wonderful outreach, the new pastor, there only 3 or 4 times....then the new pastor does not list an after hours number to be contacted at...I could not believe it, but no where in the church stuff is there an after hours contact number....the needs of the flock does not end at 5 pm, and not available on fri-sun.
well, our meal program took a month or so off, one person could not come back due to health, so just a very few left but we thought we would try...well when we have our restart meeting, the pastor says the quality of our meals was low, and if we did better meals, we would have more people and they would pay more...first, we don't care what people throw into the donation plate, and the food is good, maybe it's basic, not fancy, it is good food...a menu was presented, which would require alot of work for those few that were left, and would have pushed the cost per plate to over $5, which we could handle, but not for a long time...well, that caused the remainder of the group to say no, they worked hard, to provide good meals, and now told the quality was low, and propose meals that would take alot of time (how about frying 150 pieces of chicken, making gravy from the drippings and then pealing potatoes to mash, plus a fancy desert)....and then say to fix something better for people will pay more...then the pastor recommended to operate only on rsvp....never heard of a church doing that for a meal, plus who was going to answer the phone...so...
the remainder of the group left, so now it's just me. Then one of the ladys were talking to me that does another food program, and come to find out, we now charge so much for the janitor to clean after a funeral dinner (a pretty nice sum, plus the church already pays the wage), and that the pastor requested money from the meal doantion to pay for the cleaning of the hall, but also $100 for their services doing the funeral....this was to come out for the donation for the meal...after all the other came out, almost not enough to pay for the food...that fund always carried a surplus since sometimes there were small donations for funeral meals. We never charged a cleaning fee, and many times, the pastors did not charge for a service, since they were already working for the church.
so, with all of this, i don't know if i can continue...i continue to help for the people in the community, we deliver to shut ins, we have older couples that come, and families with childen that don't have money, and some families come and get carry out to take home, since they don't want to get the whole family there. I also am a member of a group with only a few members that do commodies for the community, and do the big food semi that comes twice a year, and other things...but it is unbearable at the moment. Staff parrish will do nothing, matter of fact they believe the pastor is doing a wonderful job, but none on staff parrish help with any outreach activities.

what to do ?

 

[godisagardener]

Wow! It sounds like your church has been offering great outreach services over the years. Unfortunately change, and many times disinterest, creates obstacles in a church when it comes to helping people. Which in turn creates discouragement.

The church I am a member of had a food pantry at one time, stocked very well and supported with donations either of food or money from various members who felt the program was needed. The church is in a low to medium income area near a much lower income area. One day the minister decided it wasn't worth it - that the few people who came to the church office asking for help were just milking it or because it was too much trouble, I don't know - and that was it. We have no other physical outreach to people and give just a very small percentage of monthly tithes to a few local charities. Outreach has basically disappeared in our church, which is very discouraging to me, as we were always involved with mission meals, etc., in other churches we attended.

What your pastor may not realize is that when a church stops being there for the community, many of whom are in real need, the church loses its way. People stop looking at it as an integral part of the community. Members who feel the need to serve stop showing up and instead find other churches that are interested in doing the Lord's work.

People who are in need of food, commodities or a meal once a week don't care about being served a feast. They just appreciate a warm meal in their bellies and maybe some leftovers to take home.

That your pastor refuses to provide after-hours contact information says a lot about that person. A pastor charging a church member (I assume they're church members) to perform a funeral and extra for clean-up after a funeral meal is inconceivable, at least to me. Unfortunately that's the way the world is turning, it's the way the world is making inroads into the church.

Sounds to me like those few of you that are participating in the outreach need to sit down with the pastor (sans husband, it's not his business) with a written list of discussion items to talk the thing out. If nothing good comes of it, and remaining at this church is important to you, then resign from your volunteer efforts with the church and go to other places in the community to volunteer in the same manner - local missions, women's aid societies, Salvation Army. Places need volunteers, and most don't place a burden on those volunteers. They appreciate them instead.

 

[Paidiske]

It sounds as if you have two issues. One is the leadership style of the pastor, and the other is the sustainability of the meal programme.

The first is very difficult; mismatch of expectations around a pastoral role is painful on all sides; and having lived through a version of it (on the other end) all I can recommend is being honest but gentle with your pastor about the things which are bothering you (I agree, without the husband there), and see if you can talk them through.

As for sustainability of the meal programme, I wonder whether a different approach might help. For example, we have a meal programme here, but the meals are prepared offsite by hospitality students as part of their learning, then given to us to give away. Do you think there might be a local teaching institution or the like that might be willing to partner with you in that kind of way?

 

[polkaman]

thank you everyone for your comments. I just shake my head. more and more people leaving the church, I am now down to just me that did the cooking and the etc....preacher thinks there are all sorts of people that will help...but where, I ask....they say they will help but not spend a day or so doing it....note neither the preacher nor her husband has offered to help....I am about ready to just walk away...it is even worse with this ongoing fight over leaving the faith, and going to a new one....just hate....long time 50 plus year members leaving because the 10 year members are just going nuts...it's not about faith, but politics...calling people names, talking about people...etc...jesus would have never wanted that.
but...with today being ash wedesday, another church that I have been going to once in a while....they don't celebrate ash wedesday....
it is insane......i'm starting to take classes online at christian leaders institute and maybe becoming a pastor/chaplin thru them, and start my own....one that does what jesus said....to love....remember he came here to save man, not condem him....but some people just can't stop reading the old testament....they don't know there is a new one !!!

again, thanks everyone, may god bless and keep you.

 

[port41919]

hello all. I'm in a situation that i just don't quite know what to do. we got a new pastor a year ago. it started, the pastor wanted to meet with everyone, so i did, i ended walking out of the meeting. the pastors husband was at the meeting, and he started to go off on some things that happened at the church before we were there. He (not the pastor) started to bring some things up that I said was done and buried and I was not going to go thru that again, but he wouldn't stop, seeing that, I got up and said I don't have to take this, and while taking two steps out, he started in by saying "go ahead, run away like you have all your life"...this person didn't even know me...and to think I spent almost 2 hours helping them move into the parish house, me and only 2 to 3 others.
after a few weeks I cooled off....i was one of the people that run the local meal program, feeding on aveage 150 one night a week...there were just a few of us, and we got tired, working 2 days to fix the meals, we had been going for 12 years, and thru 2 pastors. one of the things was that the pastor was always there, and meet and talked with people, wonderful outreach, the new pastor, there only 3 or 4 times....then the new pastor does not list an after hours number to be contacted at...I could not believe it, but no where in the church stuff is there an after hours contact number....the needs of the flock does not end at 5 pm, and not available on fri-sun.
well, our meal program took a month or so off, one person could not come back due to health, so just a very few left but we thought we would try...well when we have our restart meeting, the pastor says the quality of our meals was low, and if we did better meals, we would have more people and they would pay more...first, we don't care what people throw into the donation plate, and the food is good, maybe it's basic, not fancy, it is good food...a menu was presented, which would require alot of work for those few that were left, and would have pushed the cost per plate to over $5, which we could handle, but not for a long time...well, that caused the remainder of the group to say no, they worked hard, to provide good meals, and now told the quality was low, and propose meals that would take alot of time (how about frying 150 pieces of chicken, making gravy from the drippings and then pealing potatoes to mash, plus a fancy desert)....and then say to fix something better for people will pay more...then the pastor recommended to operate only on rsvp....never heard of a church doing that for a meal, plus who was going to answer the phone...so...
the remainder of the group left, so now it's just me. Then one of the ladys were talking to me that does another food program, and come to find out, we now charge so much for the janitor to clean after a funeral dinner (a pretty nice sum, plus the church already pays the wage), and that the pastor requested money from the meal doantion to pay for the cleaning of the hall, but also $100 for their services doing the funeral....this was to come out for the donation for the meal...after all the other came out, almost not enough to pay for the food...that fund always carried a surplus since sometimes there were small donations for funeral meals. We never charged a cleaning fee, and many times, the pastors did not charge for a service, since they were already working for the church.
so, with all of this, i don't know if i can continue...i continue to help for the people in the community, we deliver to shut ins, we have older couples that come, and families with childen that don't have money, and some families come and get carry out to take home, since they don't want to get the whole family there. I also am a member of a group with only a few members that do commodies for the community, and do the big food semi that comes twice a year, and other things...but it is unbearable at the moment. Staff parrish will do nothing, matter of fact they believe the pastor is doing a wonderful job, but none on staff parrish help with any outreach activities.

what to do ?

Sometimes it is time to find a church where you really like your pastor and other leaders of the church. God may have a purpose for you somewhere else. Take your gifts and put them where they are appreciated and you get the support you need. God bless!