What to do?

[PrincessofGod18]

Left this conversation

 

[sandman]

If you felt like God was directing you to this current church ….then so be it.

I am not one to second guess God ….If I were to speculate what the reasons are for God directing you there …I would probably be wrong. God has ways of blessing people and turning what appears to be lemons …into lemonade. Pursue God and Cast all your care upon him; for he careth for you (1 Pet 5:7)

 

[Aussie Pete]

Hi all
What do you do when your ex boyfriend starts to going to the same church as you?
I have many people which i have known in the church over the 4 years and it is a good teaching bible church.
The relationship was not a very nice relationship. We did go to another church when we where together but i felt like God was saying go to this church and move on. But i think his gone to this church I'm at now because it is a good teaching church. I still feel i need healing from the past. I'm in a difficult situation.

What do i do?

I met my ex wife 15 years after she disappeared with my two children. It's a somewhat convoluted story, suffice to say that I found out where she lived and went to see her. There was no hostility, no blame game, even when she told me that she lied to the kids so that they would not keep asking when they could see me again. She lived in a house overgrown with weeds and grass that had not been cut for months. A few of us helped to get the house back in order. We bought her an airconditioner.

How is this possible? For us, no way. I know what I was was like in the first few months of the breakup. And when she did her disappearing act, I was in despair. So how do we deal with issues like this? I recommend that you read this article. It's the reason why I could meet her and talk as if nothing had happened.

Can you forgive from your heart? - Christian Life Frankston

 

[Hazelelponi]

Hi all
What do you do when your ex boyfriend starts to going to the same church as you?
I have many people which i have known in the church over the 4 years and it is a good teaching bible church.
The relationship was not a very nice relationship. We did go to another church when we where together but i felt like God was saying go to this church and move on. But i think his gone to this church I'm at now because it is a good teaching church. I still feel i need healing from the past. I'm in a difficult situation.

What do i do?

I was beaten by my ex husband to the point of eventual permanent disability. You have no earthly idea of the psychological and physical harm I still live with today.

But I will say one thing, if that man turned up in my church today, I would be so happy for him, and rejoice over the salvation of his soul.

Period. End of. It wouldn't bother me, I would adjust because I have moved on, and just plain be happy he was saved.

In your case, if you can't be happy that both you and your ex have found a good church family sitting under a good pastor, then perhaps you need to examine who you are in Christ, and determine what's actually important to God and rejoice in what is worthy of rejoicing in, and put aside what's not worthy of your attention.

The past is past - we should always be moving forward and make sure we are seeing others through God's eyes, including those who may have hurt us.

 

[PrincessofGod18]

I was beaten by my ex husband to the point of eventual permanent disability. You have no earthly idea of the psychological and physical harm I still live with today.

But I will say one thing, if that man turned up in my church today, I would be so happy for him, and rejoice over the salvation of his soul.

Period. End of. It wouldn't bother me, I would adjust because I have moved on, and just plain be happy he was saved.

In your case, if you can't be happy that both you and your ex have found a good church family sitting under a good pastor, then perhaps you need to examine who you are in Christ, and determine what's actually important to God and rejoice in what is worthy of rejoicing in, and put aside what's not worthy of your attention.

The past is past - we should always be moving forward and make sure we are seeing others through God's eyes, including those who may have hurt us.

I'm sorry, but i find that very harsh, as that relationship was very painful for me some people take more healing and longer to trust people again.

I didn't say i was unhappy he is going to church but can i trust that person again and seeing that person again for many years that will give you memories over again. I need to look after myself. aswell.

 

[PrincessofGod18]

I'm sorry, but i find that very harsh, as that relationship was very painful for me some people take more healing and longer to trust people again. Some it takes longer than others.

I didn't say i was unhappy he is going to church but can i trust that person again and seeing that person again for many years that will give you memories over again. I need to look after myself. aswell.

 

[ripple the car]

I'm sorry, but i find that very harsh, as that relationship was very painful for me some people take more healing and longer to trust people again.

I didn't say i was unhappy he is going to church but can i trust that person again and seeing that person again for many years that will give you memories over again. I need to look after myself. aswell.

You don’t need to trust him. You don’t need to try to become friends with him all over again. Maybe just pray for him from a distance, and be civil and gracious and very brief if you bump into him.

 

[sandman]

I was beaten by my ex husband to the point of eventual permanent disability. You have no earthly idea of the psychological and physical harm I still live with today.

But I will say one thing, if that man turned up in my church today, I would be so happy for him, and rejoice over the salvation of his soul.

Period. End of. It wouldn't bother me, I would adjust because I have moved on, and just plain be happy he was saved.

In your case, if you can't be happy that both you and your ex have found a good church family sitting under a good pastor, then perhaps you need to examine who you are in Christ, and determine what's actually important to God and rejoice in what is worthy of rejoicing in, and put aside what's not worthy of your attention.

The past is past - we should always be moving forward and make sure we are seeing others through God's eyes, including those who may have hurt us.

I admire your forgiveness...

 

[Hazelelponi]

I'm sorry, but i find that very harsh, as that relationship was very painful for me some people take more healing and longer to trust people again.

I didn't say i was unhappy he is going to church but can i trust that person again and seeing that person again for many years that will give you memories over again. I need to look after myself. aswell.

What kind of trust do you need to have of someone sitting in another pew?

This isn't a relationship, apart from the relationship we all have in Christ.

Do you not trust him to show up for the meals on wheels program he's signed up to participate in? Who cares... if he doesn't show that's on him.

You'll see him around church and perhaps during a church activity or two. You dont have to sit with him or be all buddy, buddy with him. Its called being Christian. Don't drag your personal mud into church and you'll be fine...

Will seeing him bring up "feelings"? Yes... it's to you to put Christ first, and learn to just be in Christ. This is a good growing up as a Christian exercise for you...

I'm not belittling your feelings, but Christ should always be more, and He has a tendency to put us in situations to teach us how to do that. It is by experience we learn.

 

[PrincessofGod18]

What kind of trust do you need to have of someone sitting in another pew?

This isn't a relationship, apart from the relationship we all have in Christ.

Do you not trust him to show up for the meals on wheels program he's signed up to participate in? Who cares... if he doesn't show that's on him.

You'll see him around church and perhaps during a church activity or two. You dont have to sit with him or be all buddy, buddy with him. Its called being Christian. Don't drag your personal mud into church and you'll be fine...

Will seeing him bring up "feelings"? Yes... it's to you to put Christ first, and learn to just be in Christ. This is a good growing up as a Christian exercise for you...

I'm not belittling your feelings, but Christ should always be more, and He has a tendency to put us in situations to teach us how to do that. It is by experience we learn.

Even forgiving someone those feelings and memories don't just disappear.

No it's not that kind of trust it's whether i need to watch all the time if he will hurt me again.

I think it's best to avoid a situation if it's going bring up feelings.

 

[PrincessofGod18]

Even forgiving someone those feelings and memories don't just disappear.


Don't you think that it may just take someone longer to get over someone?

 

[Hazelelponi]

Even forgiving someone those feelings and memories don't just disappear.

No it's not that kind of trust it's whether i need to watch all the time if he will hurt me again.

I think it's best to avoid a situation if it's going bring up feelings.

Avoiding feelings doesn't afford you the experience it takes to overcome them.

If your controlled by your feelings you have no mastery over them. If you have mastery over them, then you dictate them on your terms.

The Bible calls the saints overcomers. We aren't overcomers however, if we are under the mastery of something other than Christ... as Jesus said, man cannot serve two masters, he will either love the one and hate the other.

You cannot be a slave to both your feelings and Christ at the same time. You have to pick one, and then stick with it.

As a Christian I will assume you'd like to pick Christ - which is wonderful. But you can't fully do that until you gain mastery over competing interests. In this case, its the way this individual makes you feel.

Use your willpower, and gain mastery over those feelings. Then you'll be free, IN Christ. He came to set us free and right now He's trying to teach you something through experience.

No one wants to feel uncomfortable, but once you learn your in control of your comfort levels, not the world around you, then you'll never be uncomfortable again in any situation.

 

[ripple the car]

Even forgiving someone those feelings and memories don't just disappear.

No it's not that kind of trust it's whether i need to watch all the time if he will hurt me again.

I think it's best to avoid a situation if it's going bring up feelings.

I think, if you’re still emotionally hurting, vulnerable, and liable to cry or yell at the guy if you meet him, keep a distance.

When we are panicking about something, we tell ourselves that the panicking is our way of preparing ourselves mentally to face a certain situation or person; in reality, we’re just freaking ourselves out unnecessarily.

A better way to prepare for such events or issues, is to focus the heart on Christ. Talk to Him. Praise Him. Take refuge in Him. Meditate on His love for you, His death, His resurrection. Then, your heart will be calm, joyful, focused on good things, and prepared. Then, you’ll be better able to face whatever comes next, minus lots of extra worry, planning, and nervousness.

 

[Sophrosyne]

I find the information you've given as too limited to advise you well enough to but suggest you find some friends in Church there that can hang out with you while there so in case you have an altercation they can step in and diffuse the situation before it stresses you. Sooner or later you will have to get over this guy whatever problems he has caused for you and move on. If they guy can't leave you alone then you may need someone more mature and wise to stand in the gap for you regarding him to put him in his place.

 

[Albion]

Hi all
What do you do when your ex boyfriend starts to going to the same church as you?
I have many people which i have known in the church over the 4 years and it is a good teaching bible church.
The relationship was not a very nice relationship. We did go to another church when we where together but i felt like God was saying go to this church and move on. But i think his gone to this church I'm at now because it is a good teaching church. I still feel i need healing from the past. I'm in a difficult situation.

What do i do?

I can't comment on your feeling that God directed you to this particular congregation except to say that it's unlikely that he actually did that as opposed to him having directed towards the right KIND of congregation (good preaching, Bible affirming, Christian fellowship, etc.)

What matters--to God and to you--is you being part of a good congregation, and if the ex has chosen to spite you by making this one his own church home, the prudent thing to do would be for you to find another one. That's assuming he has not really reformed and become a new person. If that were the case and he's made it known to you (which you didn't mention in your original post, but which I would have expected if it were so), my thinking here might be changed.

It is not wise to be constantly distracted while in church or feeling resentful or stressed, either, regardless of all that is good about the pastor, the preaching, and so on.

 

[PrincessofGod18]

Thank you for your comments but i shall leave this conversation and see what God does.

 

[Joined2krist]

Even forgiving someone those feelings and memories don't just disappear.

No it's not that kind of trust it's whether i need to watch all the time if he will hurt me again.

I think it's best to avoid a situation if it's going bring up feelings.

If there's any likelihood that he can cause harm to you again, you should look for another Church. You should also examine your conscience by ensuring that you have forgiven him for his past offense but if he is stalking you by attending your Church to monitor you and if he might be of harm to you, quietly change your Church or even move from the area entirely. God bless

 

[bèlla]

I wouldn’t be bothered by an ex attending the same church. But there are people I’ve never been involved with who could make me uncomfortable. Primarily due to interest. I’d question if their appearance was genuine or something else.

If I was being fed and the teachings were sound I wouldn’t leave. But I’d share my concerns with a trusted woman and avoid situations that would place us together if their behavior wasn’t appropriate.

I have a practice of blessing previous connections. I pray for them and seek the Lord’s best when we part. I also wish them the same after time passes. It keeps my hands clean and addresses negative experiences. I’m not bothered by the past.

I’ve seen the downsides of its absence. Anger, unforgiveness, pain, or a stasis. They’re unsettled in my presence or clinging to the past. They haven’t moved on. That’s a horrible state to be in. Prayer is the avenue for peace and letting go.

~bella