What to do?

[superdave]

Heres my situation:

I am truly in love with this girl in our church. I mean, I have never felt the way I feel about her. And I have been praying about it- and I feel that God has given her to me. Don't know when... we'll get together... but here is the deal...

Shes a senior in high school. I was asked not to do Youth Ministry b/c of her. And I feel that's ok. She's also made some kind of comitment to not date until she's a junior in college. I have made a decision not to make her compromise her comitment. But also, I feel so alone and I am ready to settle down and start dating. I am hooked on her- I mean I can't breathe when I am around her- and she's the most beautiful girl I have ever laid my eyes upon. It hurts me that I can't go after her. I understand why I can't... but I want to. I have been encouraged by my pastor to do the right thing- to wait till she graduates and then date her. But I have also been encouraged to date other girls also... Can I do this without comprimising that I love this girl? Or should I just wait 2-3 years and stay alone?

 

[PennylessZ28]

Sounds to me like you are pretty infatuaited with this girl. Love takes time to build, and develope. I've been engaged, and I've been in love a couple times.

Its that first true love that is a killer.

If I were you man, I'd become her friend, get to know her, hang out, but stay friends. And I wouldn't focus on being married to her so soon.

Look around, see some other girls and enjoy being young.

If God wants you to be with her, then he'll guide you to her. But his plans aren't always what we want in the now.

Girls will come and go. So I would strongly suggest you see other people.

Believe me, I wasn't looking when some christian girl popped into my life. I wasn't even a christian. And I'm about ready to marry this girl.

 

[JillLars]

If you both like each other and feel like it is from God, why are you waiting. I don't see a problem with dating each other. There is no sense in torturing yourselves by waiting a few years, no one is saying you have to get married right away. I'm guessing you're pretty close in age since you said she's a senior, and you're 19. Why does she want to wait to date until she's a junior in college (21,22?) a lot of my friends that age are getting married, and you can't expect to get married a week after you date. I dunno, I just think that you should both listen to what God is telling you rather than your youth leaders, or some book about dating says.

 

[PennylessZ28]

If she is waiting till college, that prolly means she has other priorities in her life that don't include you or dating.

 

[JillLars]

Or it could mean she's caught up in the "no dating" craze that's going on right now...

 

[JillLars]

I apologize if my previous post was offensive to anyone. This girls priorities may very well be somewhere else, but those of us who do date still have our priorities in line, there is no reason why someone can't date and have room for everything else in their lives.

 

[katelyn]

Try reading Passion and Purity by Elisabeth Elliot. If I remember correctly, she met the man who ended up being her husband, they went in separate directions for a while, but God ultimately did bring them back together. It's all about trusting God with our lives.

Jill: I agree with you that it's not necessary to not date when you are that age, and that there are plenty of people who have their priorities in line and are dating. However, not everyone's the same. People make different choices and are led down different paths. I don't think it's wrong for this girl to wait to date if that's what she feels she should do.

 

[Higgaion]

I think a little bumper-sticker wisdom is in order here:

"there are very few problems that can't be fixed by a suitable application of high explosives"

 

[rach]

Good quote Higgaion.

I would say wait it out, if it's God's will it will happen. Also about seeing other people why you wait...I don't think this is a great idea either. I mean I completely understand why you want to, it's so nice to "have" someone, but it will probably cause you some emotional hurt that you won't need if you think this other girl is the "one." I mean if you don't get attached to the other girls you would/could see they might still get attached to you, and do you really want to hurt them when you end it? So, even though you could possibly date without getting attached, girls most likely can't, we attach easily...BELIEVE ME!! So I think it may be hard to stay single for the next two or three years, but in the end it will probably be so worth it!!

Just my suggestions. Oh, and pray about it!

 

[mina]

If she truly doesn't want to date until she's older, who's to say that she's not trying to follow God's leading in her life. I think that love endures, it will last if it's love. Go slow. Don't rush her if she feels strongly about her commitment. Love is patient. Love is kind. It always protects. Always trusts. always hopes, always perseveres. If she is the one for you, let her grow in the Lord in the way she feels that God is leading her. Get to know her as a person and a friend. don't just date for datings sake. Get to know other people. See what you like in others and what you don't. You don't have to go out and date, but develop your people skills. Be open to possiblities. If God continually leads you back to her, and she to you then it will work out in His way and in His time. Sometimes we can know our special person, but God still has to grow us more like Him before it can be really really good and we can be really ready for each other. God doesn't just want you to have a good relationship, He wants y ou to have a GREAT relationship! Trust His leading.

 

[superdave]

I have been just in big time prayer about this... and I have came to a conclusion:

I don't know... And If I don't know- I shouldn't waste my time trying to figure out.

It's weird, though... every girl I meet- does not compare to her at all. I feel like in this state of euphoria that I just can't get enough of her. But I am doing what, I always do- waiting. I am not going to try to figure out what these feelings are. Because they could be something-or they could be nothing. God has a Precious Bride for me... and I am not going to put this in my hands.

 

[rach]

I have been just in big time prayer about this... and I have came to a conclusion:

I don't know... And If I don't know- I shouldn't waste my time trying to figure out.

It's weird, though... every girl I meet- does not compare to her at all. I feel like in this state of euphoria that I just can't get enough of her. But I am doing what, I always do- waiting. I am not going to try to figure out what these feelings are. Because they could be something-or they could be nothing. God has a Precious Bride for me... and I am not going to put this in my hands.

I think that this is a good decision, even though it kind of sucks because I'm sure you want to know what is gonna happen. Just letting God take over is sometimes really difficult, even though it seems SO EASY!! Good luck, and continue to pray about it!

 

[LadyBird]

You don't have to figure everything out right now. Give it some time...respect her decision not to date...she may change her mind but don't try and do it for her. Does she like you? God's timing is perfect. And remember this: The right thing at the wrong time is the wrong thing. So, she may feel that way too about you but doesn't want to date. So what? You will have to wait a few years. You don't have to get married when you are 21 or 22..that is still SO young...lots of people don't get married until they are 25 or 26. Respect the advice from your youth pastor because God speaks through pastors (sometimes)...and that may be what God is telling you.

 

[LadyBird]

You say you love her? But you don't really know her, or do you? YOu love the image she gives off of herself...I believe that you can't truly love someone unless you know them really well.

 

[Buskanaka]

dude i know EXACTLY how you feel, I'm in almost the exact same situation myself. I can't believe how close the conclusion you reached is to the one I've come to as well! For me, when I think about her as a partner or someone I want to go out with our friendship seems to stumble, but when I just concentrate on God and just desire friendship, then we seem to really get along well. I'm so glad I'm not the only one in this situation

 

[superdave]

You say you love her? But you don't really know her, or do you? YOu love the image she gives off of herself...I believe that you can't truly love someone unless you know them really well.

I do love her- I have no problem using the word "I love you" to anybody who I truly feel connected to. I said I loved her to her face, and she said she loved me too. Now is it romantic love, it hasn't developed to that.

But, like I said- it's all up to God...if a relationship develops.

 

[Kaylynn]

Heres my situation:

I am truly in love with this girl in our church. I mean, I have never felt the way I feel about her. And I have been praying about it- and I feel that God has given her to me. Don't know when... we'll get together... but here is the deal...

Shes a senior in high school. I was asked not to do Youth Ministry b/c of her. And I feel that's ok. She's also made some kind of comitment to not date until she's a junior in college. I have made a decision not to make her compromise her comitment. But also, I feel so alone and I am ready to settle down and start dating. I am hooked on her- I mean I can't breathe when I am around her- and she's the most beautiful girl I have ever laid my eyes upon. It hurts me that I can't go after her. I understand why I can't... but I want to. I have been encouraged by my pastor to do the right thing- to wait till she graduates and then date her. But I have also been encouraged to date other girls also... Can I do this without comprimising that I love this girl? Or should I just wait 2-3 years and stay alone?

I would strongly suggest that you read two books...

1) I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris
2) Boy Meets Girl by Joshua Harris (Sequel to I Kissed Dating Goodbye)

I believe that he makes some really good points in there. It has taught me a lot of patience while I am waiting for God to reveal the man He has for me. In fact, I would honestly suggest those books to everyone. It puts a great perspective on dating...especially the way the world views dating and the way God views dating...great books imo.

 

[Sair]

Superdave,
I have been in the same situation...the whole not knowing kinda thing.... I have had this thing for one of the guys at church for months and no matter what I do I just cant get the idea out of my head. I mean I dont know if anything could eventuate but its just constantly on my mind. Im not sure what God thinks of the whole situation. I pray and ask him to remove the whole situation from me so I will not be distracted but everytime I see him I just melt more and more. Its really not a good situation to be in. Its come to the point a few times where I just cant bear the thought of being near him so I plan my time so as to avoid running into him so I can keep my mind away from the whole situation. But it doesnt really work. He will always appear when I really dont want him to. So I have been telling myself over and over if I dont know its not worth worrying about. But then something gets the better of me and I start thinking that maybe it is a going thing. Maybe the reason why its still hanging over my head is that God does not want me to forget about it..or maybe its the opposite...God wants me to forget it yet I cant let it go. I want him so much..but I dont know whether I should be feeling like that...if the feeling is from God or from me.
So for the time being I am leaving it alone and concentrating on being with the younger girls who are in the youth group I lead. Problem is even then I cant get away from him because his sister is one of the girls. At the moment my time is going to them and if someone comes along well its all good but if they dont then I can cope with that too. Its all very confusing....I know how you feel....