What to do????

[Calikrissy]

Hi, I am needing advice because at this time I am not sure what to do about my problem. I am a single mother who has been in a serious realtionship now for three years. My problem is that my boyfriend is not saved. We have had several talks about Jesus, and I have witnessed to him several times,and I have sat back and prayed for him. I have told him that I cannot marry him if we are unequally yoked and why. I love him very much, but I am frustrated because so many times it looks like he has come close and then backs away. I love him, but I know in my heart of hearts that in order to have a strong relationship his life must be given to Christ first. I wonder sometimes if he will ever do this, and sometimes I wonder if God has someone else in mind for me. I long to have a man in my life who loves Jesus just as much as I do. What do I do? Do I give up this man? Do I pray and ask God to send me the right one??? I am so confused.

 

[CaliforniaJosiah]

Hi, I am needing advice because at this time I am not sure what to do about my problem. I am a single mother who has been in a serious realtionship now for three years. My problem is that my boyfriend is not saved. We have had several talks about Jesus, and I have witnessed to him several times,and I have sat back and prayed for him. I have told him that I cannot marry him if we are unequally yoked and why. I love him very much, but I am frustrated because so many times it looks like he has come close and then backs away. I love him, but I know in my heart of hearts that in order to have a strong relationship his life must be given to Christ first. I wonder sometimes if he will ever do this, and sometimes I wonder if God has someone else in mind for me. I long to have a man in my life who loves Jesus just as much as I do. What do I do? Do I give up this man? Do I pray and ask God to send me the right one??? I am so confused.

Well, I'm less than half your age so perhaps I have nothing to offer here...
That rarely keeps me quiet however, lol


I kinda get the impression that you are feeling very alone (yes, I KNOW that feeling), you "love him very much" and you have three years invested with him. Wow. That would be a LOT to turn your back on...

On the other hand, I totally "get" that there's something HUGE in your life that you don't share. I understand that, too. My faith is such a huge part of who I am - how I think, my values, my perspectives, my all - that I think it would be very hard for a nonbeliever to connect and understand me, and vise versa. It's the most important thing about me and someone who doesn't connect with that isn't going to connect with me. My girlfriend, whom I meet last year when we were both soph's in college, is also a Pastor's Kid and a very amazing person (I'm soooo blessed, and I know it). But, to the point here, yes - we can pray together and talk together and the connection, the understanding, the communication is just there. Even the whole sex thing was something we could quickly and easily address with that common basis. So, I perhaps know something about what you might be talking about. I would soooo miss that connection.

So, what can anyone say?????

I suppose I could say you shouldn't have gotten so into someone who didn't share your heart and soul, but that's water under the bridge. You are. Deeply.

Yours would not be the first marriage to be "unequally yoked" but worked out wonderfully. A perfect spouse is probably not so easy to find (for him, too, lol), maybe if he's supportive of your faith, maybe with lots of good communication skills, maybe you can work with this. That's YOUR choice. No one can decide that for you. I can sooooooooooooo appreciate how scary it would be to leave all this - a great guy you love and are so invested with. Scary maybe it's a good word, I don't know. Sad, certainly.

On the other hand, if it didn't "jell" in three years... ??? No one could say you didn't give it a chance...

The ONLY words I will share is don't make your marriage conditional on his faith, or proceed with the idea that eventually you'll convert him. That's USING people and manipulating people's faith and heart. The opposite of love. I think we date and maybe marry the person who is - not the person we wish they were.

I'll add you to my prayer journal...


MY view...


Keep the faith! Share the love!


- Josiah


.

 

[Evie]

we can give you advise,but to tell you to stop loving him is a different story. I would say give him up,but I'm sure that would be hard to do on your part. I'm sure you already know that you should be with another believer,praying for you to find the Mr. Right!

 

[madison1101]

I echo all that has been said thus far. One danger you run into right now is if he says he accepts Christ just to marry you, and then after you are married he stops going to church and goes back to his old ways.

Give him up. Wait and pray for the Lord to guide you in your next relationship.

Hugs,
Trish

 

[sunshiinedays]

I agree that you should give him up. And I think that BlueImpulse gave some good avice. And besides negatively impacting your relationship with God, think about the impact this would have on your children. I'm not sure what ages or how impressionable they are... but by marrying this man, he will become a very important figure and role model for your children. What ideas might he pass on to your children? And what would YOUR decision to marry this man tell your children? What will they learn from your actions?

 

[Followers4christ]

Well i know alot of you might disagree with me on this subject,But here it goes.Once your married and divorced you can't remarry as stated in the bible in Matthew 5:31-32,Matthew 19:6,Mark 10:9-12 Luke 16:18 and 1 CORINTHIANS 7:10.You can only remarry for Marital unfaithfulness.If your former husband was unfaithful ,then you divorced and you want to marry another Christian then i would say go for it if you really love him.But you shouldnt marry a non Christian.God Bless

 

[mysparrow]

Here is something to think about, when you marry, according to the word , your husband becomes the head of the household , physically and spiritually , and you are to be in submission to him, now , do you really want to be in submission to someone who is not going to be the spiritual head of the household , (with Christ as the head of him )? when you tie two oxen together , the stronger one is always the lead , and if they go right, the other will follow , i say this for this reason, if he is not submitted to Christ , you will be constantly pulled , and more often than not , because you love him, you will go his way, even if its contrary to what God says . I speak this from experience and so i say to you to break it off with him, pray and wait for God to lead you how to go . I will be praying for you.

 

[Calikrissy]

I can see what most of you are saying, and I agree with most of it, but its not all that easy. It is not like turning off a faucet. I cannot just turn from someone I love. I often think of a man in our church whos wife is a Christian, and she had many opportunities to turn away from him, and divorce him because he was not a christian. I am for one glad she didn't for he is our pastor and loves Jesus now with his whole heart and soul. I will continue to pray for the situation though, and I believe what most of you are saying. unfortunatly we do not choose who we fall in love with, it just happens.
Although I am not sure I agree that being someones gf means you are going to get married, or that you have to marry the first person you date. My problem is that I do not get many Christian men asking me out, but usually the non christian ones. I go to church and go to other church functions, but most of the men are far to old for me, or are not my type. Ty you for your prayers.

 

[Calikrissy]

Followerofchrist, I had all the rights according to the bible to divorce my x husband. Not only was he unfaitful, but lied about being saved. I never ever saw any fruits of any kind and when my daughter came along he abandoned us both for his job. So I would have to say I do have the right to marry, but then I have already sat down with my pastor and worked this out. oh and he was abusive. So if that isnt a reason to divorce I have no idea what is.

 

[Followers4christ]

Followerofchrist, I had all the rights according to the bible to divorce my x husband. Not only was he unfaitful, but lied about being saved. I never ever saw any fruits of any kind and when my daughter came along he abandoned us both for his job. So I would have to say I do have the right to marry, but then I have already sat down with my pastor and worked this out. oh and he was abusive. So if that isnt a reason to divorce I have no idea what is.

If He was unfaithful and abusive then yes according to the bible you can remarry.Just so you know my last post was not judging you But Just stating what the bible says about divorce and remarriage.God Bless

 

[possum2005]

I would talk to him again and tell that it is time to start looking into the possibility of dating others......I know that the feelings that you have for him will not be easy to let go of, but if this is not the man that God has for you then the feelings will eventually go. I would also continue to pray for this mans salvation.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

I can see what most of you are saying, and I agree with most of it, but its not all that easy. It is not like turning off a faucet. I cannot just turn from someone I love. I often think of a man in our church whos wife is a Christian, and she had many opportunities to turn away from him, and divorce him because he was not a christian. I am for one glad she didn't for he is our pastor and loves Jesus now with his whole heart and soul. I will continue to pray for the situation though, and I believe what most of you are saying. unfortunatly we do not choose who we fall in love with, it just happens.
Although I am not sure I agree that being someones gf means you are going to get married, or that you have to marry the first person you date. My problem is that I do not get many Christian men asking me out, but usually the non christian ones. I go to church and go to other church functions, but most of the men are far to old for me, or are not my type. Ty you for your prayers.

Oh, I feel for you. How I wish my parents had forced me to go to a youth group at another church when I was growing up. Our church did not have one so I had no Christian boyfriends-certainly didn't meet any at the dance places we went to. I met my ex husband through a friend. When he asked me out I asked some important question before I accepted. (He lied to all my questions) He told me he believed in God (so does Satan). I knew he was not born again and I knew I should not be unequally yoked (but he went to church with me). When I found out that he had cheated on me (we had already had sex) I should've walked away. A few months later he told me he had become a Christian and because of the sexual guilt I ended up marrying him. He never produced any spiritual fruit, could not be the spiritual head of the household, and was verbally abusive and bordered on the physical with our son. And he probably cheated after we were married too.
You are going to have pain either way. If I could go back I would choose the pain that left me in God's will. I think the pain would've been shorter and God would've blessed me for it.
If you are intent on finding the mate that God has for you there are Christian internet sites, Christian singles events,etc.

 

[~Nikki~]

If He was unfaithful and abusive then yes according to the bible you can remarry.Just so you know my last post was not judging you But Just stating what the bible says about divorce and remarriage.God Bless

Not true. There is no reason for remarriage while an 'ex' spouse is still living. The Bible is quite clear on that...

 

[Singin4Him]

I am very concerned that no one has mentioned your child or children (that I have seen), that should be your first concern here. Unequally yolked does not just mean in marriage it also refers to the dating aspect as well. You are now unequally yolked with him and this is unpleasing to God period, there's just no way to sugar coat that and I dont' mean that to be rude, I'm just being completely honest here. Satan uses relationships like this to destroy our relationship with Christ, missionary dating is just not a good idea. Not to mention the effect it has on your child, if you are serious with a man then you child is most likely attatched as well, think about the hurt that child will feel if you marry and then have problems and divorce. Most likely the effects on that child will be very negative. If I were you I would be very careful who I allow to get close to me and my family especially when they are not a Christian, what benifit is there when you become emotionally attatched to someone the Lord clearly says you should not become serious with, especially marry?

I completely understand that is painful and very hard to just end this relationship but wouldn't it be less painful to do it now rathe than when you have commited to marry this man or have married him and end up in a divorce? God will bless your obediance, please make the wise decision if not for you do it for your child.

 

[ImHisServant]

Here is a link to a helpful book based on the Song of Solomon by Tommy Nelson... I suggest reading it. I agree that you should end it... You say you know that God wants you want to be equally yoked... but even if he invites Christ in his heart and begins serving Him... you will be way further along spiritually the he will be... he will be an infant... you need someone as far along or more to lead you. Equally yoked is more then just both believing... it's about being in the same place spiritually IMHO.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/reader/0785274715/ref=sib_dp_pt/102-8474954-5376964#reader-page

 

[CJD]

My husband too lied about being a Christian. He won't have anything to do with church. I wish I had been able to see through this almost ten years ago along with some other things that he had kept some rather serious issues hidden from me. Some of the things that he kept hidden from me are rather serious in nature and I have grounds for divorce. It has caused a lot of serious problems in our marriage and we are very close to separating again.........this time it might be permanent!!! I want to talk to a lawyer to see what legal rights I have and to see if I have enough to gain sole custody of the kids without him being able to get any visitation rights. My husband has caused our children to be left alone, he has pushed them, he has admitted to using a belt on our autistic son to punish him, he has left hunting equipemnt and accessories (Bow, arrows, sharp knife, gun shells, and arrowheads)where the kids have access to them, and the list goes on.

I would suggest either waiting until your boyfriend becomes a Christian, and waiting a few years to see just how serious he is about his walk with God, or finding someone else. It's so hard to be in a relationship when your a Christian and the other person isn't. I know people who are in that type of a relationship, and I have yet to hear of these relationships going smoothly. Out of the ones that I know about who married a non-Christian, only one has a workable marriage and she believes that her husband will become a Christian and that her husband is closer to accepting Christ as his Lord and Savior than what people may think. She keeps working at him a little bit at a time and her ways are very gentle.

 

[halfaman]

I have read all you posts and I agree with most, but not all. I was married once before and my wife was unfaithful to me, beifre and after my marriage, to which I did not find out until a year later. I struggled for three and one half years trying to repair, rebuild and save my marriage. Since she did not honor the covenants of marriage, it never was a marriage in God's eyes as far as I am concerned. I then met my true love, who was also a church going lady. We lived in Christ together and were married. Recently she passed away, which has left me halfaman. I would say to you that you need to pray about this, it is not easy to turn off feelings for someone, but you need to find a man who believes in Christ, who died for our salvation. A man that will lift you and your children up, a man that will lead you and your family in his name. It is not an easy road that we walk and is often the path less travelled, but you need to find someone who will dare to travel this path with you! I will pray for you and ask that God help you with this burden.