What to do when feeling fed up?

[Blessed2003]

I usually do not post anything like this. I usually only respond to others posts, but I am at my wits end today. I have been married for 1.5, we married after knowing each other for only 3 weeks, (i know, i know) and we both have tremendously STRONG personalities. When I met my husband we were both struggling with some very serious issues, and we were both very lonely. Today, is not much different, only were not lonely anymore. We both have so many problems, and things in our lives that really hinder our relationship, but lack of understanding, and communication is a huge problem, and frankly, I am so SICK of it.
To start out, (I am a typical woman, I 'complain' when something does not sit right with me) When I met my husband I had been in a previous long term relationship, and it was soo different. I complained, and we argued, I really didn't care if he called me a bi_*h because hey, I knew I was! This relationship is different, I feel like I have given so very much to this man, I have bit my tongue, put up with his double standards, and not been complaining near as much as I used to. Frankly I am proud of the way I have handled this. It has not been easy to change my old ways, but I have. OK, so what I am getting at is yesterday, I was so tired, physically, and I had taken my 8 year old to a meeting to sign him up for cub scouts for the first time. In the past I have neglected him, and been a selfish parent, and I was really excited about this. Well, to make things worse not very many children show up to the event, and NOT ONE parent would volunteer to be the 'leader' so when I left there I was feeling very discouraged, for my son. I really want to be able to do something for him that is good, and this is how it turnes out. (I'm sure, as usual, I was overreacting, but hey, I'm not perfect) Anyway, then in the truck on the way back home my husband's choice of music really irritates me, it is music that my son does NOT need to listen to, I feel like I am fighting the whole family on this one because his dad even listens to it. (rap by the way, with lyrics that talk about sex, drugs, and murder?) I know, I should have some control over this, and honestly, I don't mind if my husband plays his music loud, when my son is not in the car, but I didn't ask him to turn it off, i sat there and just felt depressed. (my fault) I tried to explain how I felt about the cub scouts to him, and he just looks at me and says, "Quit tripping" It made me so mad, I just wanted to tell him how discouraged I was, and he acts like I am crying uncontrollably, or yelling and screaming or something? Then, we went to wash the truck, (my husband's pride and joy?) and I was feeling pretty bad at this time so I didn't say much, or smile, I just kind of moped around. We got ready to go to bed and I was picking at my husband, I don't remember what I said, but it was no more then he always says to me, in a so called joking way. I even told him before we went to sleep that I was only picking, and i loved him. Well, this morning as soon as we woke up, not even out of bed yet, my husband starts railing at me, calling me a b_tc_ and saying how I can't go to this friends house because her boyfriend has a crush on me, and so on. I'm saying, well, you go where you want to, and if I say something, he gets mad, and says "who do you think you are" (He has major control issues, and pride issues) (i think I do too) I am just FED UP, I am sick and tired of him holding my bad moods over my head, and thinking he's going to get somewhere calling me names. I'm sick of him ordering me around, and getting all defensive if I request something from him. Does anyone have anything that they can see by what i am saying, that they want to add. If I am being unfair, please tell me, I am sick and tired of this though.
Thanks,
B

 

[Blessed2003]

Does anyone not have any comments? please give me some advice if you have any?
B

 

[wayfaring man]

Hi Blessed ,

I pray you find the " peace of God which passes understanding ".

It sounds like there are a number of issues troubling you , and your family life .

Is there a church with good counsellors which you and your husband could call upon ?

That may be your best option at this point , if he is agreeable to pursuing a joint effort for resolving these issues .

Otherwise , seek your refuge in Christ , Study in the Psalms , many were written as songs of intercession and praise , while under duress .

Keep Jesus and His ways in the forefront of your mind . When you are in a tough situation , ask Jesus to show you the way he would act , or respond .

Pour out your heart to Jesus in private , confess what you are convicted of to him , plead for his mercy and deliverance ; and thank Him for making your Salvation possible by suffering and dying a brutal and unfair death on the cross , declaring how Great is God's Love for our souls !

Having done this , lead by example , as the Lord enables , people are convicted by God's Spirit , in the face of a godly example , 3 million times more often , than they are in the absence of one !

Act with confidence regarding these things , for it is assuredly God's will.
Be patient also , for even under the best circumstances it takes time to have reality sink in , in each of our lives .

If you stumble , admit it , to the Lord , and to the other (s) who were somehow negatively affected , if that is the case .

Remember also , that all of our troubles are initially spiritual in nature , and then manifest outwardly : hence the solutions which are genuinely God given will address these very problems with regards to their spiritual roots .

And realize you've already taken a step forward , by expressing your troubles and supplicating request .

May The Lord Jesus Be Pleased To Bless ,

wm

 

[TheMainException]

Man, my heart goes out to you...this is not cool at all. Men have a hard time respecting women it seems...my dad is the same way, he listens to some pretty bad music and plays it right in front of my brother and I like it's nothing, and then says we can't listen to the music we want, it is so messed up.

By what you have said, I don't think that you are being unfair. I hate it when couples split, but I also think that if one parent is abusive, or does things that are just plain mean, there has to be a point where divorce comes in. You don't know if this anger he has could someday come to a full-out fight where you end up in the hospital. I don't think that you should have started the relationship in the first place, but I'm guessing that you already know that, so I'm not going to bust on you for that, the past is past and you can only learn so that you don't make the same mistakes as you did before. Maybe you and your husband should try marraige couseling??? If he rejects it, try to get some counseling on your own to round up any issues (like pride and control) that you have so that you husband begins to see that you are trying. Keep praying for him, let the love of God flow from Him, through you, and into your husband. It is an amazing thing when put to use. God bless, my prayers are being sent to God...

 

[HumbleBee]

Blessed all I can say...PRAY and IT WILL BE WELL WITH YOU AND YOURS and noddddddddddddd that the psalms are powerful prayers! Psalm 35 is a plea that God would contend for you and has worked overnight miracles for me!

May these Psalm verses and more minister to you as well...

Psalm 27:13-14 I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait on the LORD; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; wait, I say, on the LORD!

Psalm 40:1-6 I waited patiently for the LORD; and He inclined to me, and heard my cry. He also brought me up out of a horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my steps. He has put a new song in my mouth--Praise to our God; many will see it and fear, and will trust in the LORD.

Psalm 46:1 God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.

Isaiah 54:10 Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed, says the LORD, who has compassion on you.

Isaiah 63:9 In all their distress He too was distressed, and the angel of His presence saved them. In His love and mercy He redeemed them; He lifted them up and carried them all the days of old.

Zephaniah 3:17 The LORD your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.

Hebrews 4:14-16 Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are--yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

James 3:17-18 But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness.

 

[Blessed2003]

aww, thank you all so very much for your love, and encouragement, it shows, I really needed it today too.
God bless you all,
Love
B

 

[KleinerApfel]

Blessed,

You have been called names, had your needs and reasonable requests ignored, and your son's welfare considered of little importance. That must be a daily struggle to just keep going through it. It's a good thing you say you are a strong person, but even so, we all get weary.

Could this be just a period of lower energy to deal with things at the moment? Maybe next week or even tomorrow, things won't seem so bleak.

Or has it got worse recently and you're feeeling trapped in this pattern?

You really could both use some help, but he sounds the kind of person who might object to outside "interference" so maybe you could go alone to get support anyway.

I was unsure how long you've been married too - the 1.5 - is that months, years?

You have a husband, and you are feeling the pressure of wanting to do your best for your family life all round while receiving no encouragement from him.

Remember that the Lord is also as a husband to us, and maybe try to lean on Him a little more, rather than always "being strong." Let Him comfort you.

Isaiah 54:5
your Maker is your husband-
the LORD Almighty is his name-
the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer;
he is called the God of all the earth.

The whole passage surrounding this is worth a look. All about God's protection and intervention on behalf of His loved ones; the nation of Israel in the text, but we can receive the blessings as His children too.)

I hope your situation improves soon.

God bless you,
Susana

 

[bliz]

I think that you need to get some counseling. You cannot make your husband change, but you can control yourself and learn different ways to cope with situations and what you are feeling. Counseling can help you do that.

 

[promise]

I strongly recommend counseling, at your church preferrably. I'm so sorry that your family life is so frustrating. You definitely need someone to mediate between the two of you so you can hear each other and understand one another. I hope this helps. I will keep you in my prayers Here's a big for you.

 

[rockwell]

O LORD, You have searched me and known me. You know my sitting down and my rising up; You understand my thought afar off. You comprehend my path and my lying down, And are acquainted with all my ways .... Search me O God and know my heart, Try me and know my anxieties. And see if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
Psalm 139

What to say? Im not in your shoes and i dont have any experience in this matter cos i'm not married.

All i can say to you is that whatever you do, dont fight with your own strength, God might want you to go through a so-called valley so that you may rise up and come out of this stronger and more mature. There are many times in life where i have had to say Lord, I dont know why im going through this but i trust you completely, please help me, I feel weak, and i dont see the way out, Lord help me but above all let your will be done in my life
God wants you to live a victorious life and this is just one of the many trials you will face in life. Do your best, and when you have, leave the rest to God, He will honour your efforts becuase He has promised you that.

God bless you and i pray you will be strong and come out of this situation as a victorious winner and NOT as a defeated weak person