One of my Biggest character defects was judging other even before I ever started drinking and using. I sat in judgement of all those around me. I justified how wonderful I was because I was not like them (meaning family members). I was so much better than they where. I was arrogant. So when I started to use, I fell hard. Yet, I still carried my arrogance with me in my drinking and using. I sat in judgement over all that I saw, thought I knew.
So when I got into A.A. I carried that judgement into sobriety as well, I couldn't get close to you, all I wanted to do is compare myself to you. And tell myself how much better I was than you. Well, I didn't do this or that, or I drank more booze than you spilt, you are too young to to be here, while I may have been all of 25yrs old. I was to blind to see what I was doing.
Finally I after about six years when I really took the rose colored glass off and saw where I was in my sobriety I was angry.
How dare God do this to me!!! I was living in a 400sq foot cottage with my daughter, driving a beat up old car and wouldn't allow anyone close to me, because they would see what a fake I was. And I lost the best job, I ever had.
And I was mad, I remember yelling at God, FOR THIS I GOT SOBER!!!!!!!
IF THIS IS ALL THERE IS, I WOULD RATHER BE DRUNK!!!! (I almost relapsed that night). How ever GOD SHOW UP. And what he said to me was this, COULD YOU HAVE DONE WHAT I DID? Could you have walk, my walk, could you have been beaten and nailed to a cross?
Talk about being humbled, I was instantly transported in my mind from then back to my drug and alcoholic stupor. And I got to see exactly what I had and hadn't accomplished while working at staying sober (or dry) , and I saw how my arrogance and my judging kept me form moving forward.
So I started to work on my attitude. I would sit at meetings and close my eye so I could not visually judge someone while they spoke. I made my self pick a person to help me really work the program, and made myself do what she asked me to do. I wouldn't allow myself to judge her.
Today I try and take what others say at face value; and not judge how much they know or don't know, believe or don't believe. God showed up and he didn't care that I knew chapter and verse. He show up and stayed because he loved me in spite of the sinner I'am. I will continue to allow GOD to draw me closer to him in HIS TIME NOT MINE. So that it will be HIS GLORY not mine. Amen.
Today I KNOW WHAT BOOK, CHAPTER, AND VERSE GOD wants me to KNOW.......
MATT. 7:1-2
1.Judge not, that ye be not judged. 2.For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.
Luke 6:42
Or how can you say to your brother, Brother, allow me to take out the speck that is in your eye, when you yourself do not see the beam that is in your own eye? You pretend, hypocrite! first take the beam out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take out the speck that is in your brother's eye. God Bless All.
So when I got into A.A. I carried that judgement into sobriety as well, I couldn't get close to you, all I wanted to do is compare myself to you. And tell myself how much better I was than you. Well, I didn't do this or that, or I drank more booze than you spilt, you are too young to to be here, while I may have been all of 25yrs old. I was to blind to see what I was doing.
Finally I after about six years when I really took the rose colored glass off and saw where I was in my sobriety I was angry.
How dare God do this to me!!! I was living in a 400sq foot cottage with my daughter, driving a beat up old car and wouldn't allow anyone close to me, because they would see what a fake I was. And I lost the best job, I ever had.
And I was mad, I remember yelling at God, FOR THIS I GOT SOBER!!!!!!!
IF THIS IS ALL THERE IS, I WOULD RATHER BE DRUNK!!!! (I almost relapsed that night). How ever GOD SHOW UP. And what he said to me was this, COULD YOU HAVE DONE WHAT I DID? Could you have walk, my walk, could you have been beaten and nailed to a cross?
Talk about being humbled, I was instantly transported in my mind from then back to my drug and alcoholic stupor. And I got to see exactly what I had and hadn't accomplished while working at staying sober (or dry) , and I saw how my arrogance and my judging kept me form moving forward.
So I started to work on my attitude. I would sit at meetings and close my eye so I could not visually judge someone while they spoke. I made my self pick a person to help me really work the program, and made myself do what she asked me to do. I wouldn't allow myself to judge her.
Today I try and take what others say at face value; and not judge how much they know or don't know, believe or don't believe. God showed up and he didn't care that I knew chapter and verse. He show up and stayed because he loved me in spite of the sinner I'am. I will continue to allow GOD to draw me closer to him in HIS TIME NOT MINE. So that it will be HIS GLORY not mine. Amen.
Today I KNOW WHAT BOOK, CHAPTER, AND VERSE GOD wants me to KNOW.......
MATT. 7:1-2
1.Judge not, that ye be not judged. 2.For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.
Luke 6:42
Or how can you say to your brother, Brother, allow me to take out the speck that is in your eye, when you yourself do not see the beam that is in your own eye? You pretend, hypocrite! first take the beam out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take out the speck that is in your brother's eye.
God Bless All.
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