What Should I know about Guys?

[Mayflower1]

Okay, I am kind of new to this world. As even as far as friendships go. Any advice? What is different about having a friend that is a guy? Much difference?

 

[Alyssabee10]

Sometimes there is a big difference, sometimes there isn't. If this is about a certain guy-does he act different around you? Does he treat all women the same way? If your answer to the first question is yes, than that may be the difference, a lot of guys(just from my experience) act differently around a girl who they like, then say just a girl they see as a friend. And for the second question, if he does treat all women the same way, then it may just be a friends thing.

If this is about a specific person and you want more advice and whatever feel free to message me and we can talk about this

 

[CounselorForChrist]

I'm a guy and frankly I tell lots of women that most guys are pigs. I hate to say it but they tend to always have a motive in what they are doing, biggest one being obviously sex.

Its why a true good hearted godly man is a little bit harder to find. Most women I talked to made assumptions about me based on what most men do. They expect me to cheat, lie, want sex...etc.

This is just my advice but since we tend to look for love its often hard to tell the diffrence in whether your a friend or something more. Often friendships lead to romance. You just have to take it one step at a time.

My sister (well friend technically) told me that when it came to dating, she would test the man. She would sit next to him and sort of leave her self open to him to see what he would do. If he touched her wrong and made some sexy remark she knew what his motives were.

Its hard as a man because we do think diffrently. We do think about sex and often times even when trying hard we end up looking at a womans body and not her eyes. You want a man that has good self control. Most women loved it that I was a virgin until 27. That to them signaled I did not let peer pressure bug me! If a guy tells you hes had a bunch of partners or he lost his virginty early...may want to find someone else.

 

[Sketcher]

If you make friends with lots of guys, some of them are going to want to be your boyfriend. A more useful answer honestly depends on what kinds of guys you're around, and how you act around them.

 

[Mayflower1]

well, I recently got a boyfriend. He is my first and we have the same values and beliefs. I really like him. I know nothing about relationships though. I know nothing about romance. He tried to let me borrow his scarf the other night because he said it will give me a reason to see you again, and it took me awhile to get it and stop trying to give it back (I said I have six at home. ) He is such a great guy, that I want to be able to give him what he needs as a girlfriend. He isn't looking for the physical, but I want to be able to say and do things to make him happy. I've never liked anyone so much.

And I've hardly had any regular friends who are guys either except a couple. And so with this change in me, where I do have friends in the work world and in this community I have as friends and want to keep as friends, I want to make sure I am not giving off the wrong signals to make them think they are interested. I can be super friendly and I smile all of the time. So I want to be sure I am being friends with a guy right also, since I have only had them as a child I guess. crazy huh? Yeh, I kind have lived under a rock.

 

[Sketcher]

There should be a visible difference between how you act around your boyfriend and how you act around guy friends. If you've got that going on, misconceptions shouldn't be your fault.

 

[Mayflower1]

ah, no, I think I do a pretty good job. I just want to keep it that way. I've just never been around guys much before. I was always a loner. I guess i am just nervous now because I am with someone I really like.

 

[AndrewZinc]

My sister (well friend technically) told me that when it came to dating, she would test the man. She would sit next to him and sort of leave her self open to him to see what he would do. If he touched her wrong and made some sexy remark she knew what his motives were.

Not sure how I feel about that. Sounds like entrapment and surely if a girl was to intentionally tempt guys, most of them would break at some point, since we are all sinners. She might whittle it down to the ones with most self-control, but is she missing guys who perhaps don't have as much self-control but have other good qualities?


I really have no advice Lily as I have always been single but I imagine that the old adage of 'be yourself' is best, or really be who God made you. Keep God at the centre because He should be the one to change you both, rather than trying to change each other.

It must be exciting and I pray that God blesses your new relationship. And I love the scarf story!

 

[Mayflower1]

Not sure how I feel about that. Sounds like entrapment and surely if a girl was to intentionally tempt guys, most of them would break at some point, since we are all sinners. She might whittle it down to the ones with most self-control, but is she missing guys who perhaps don't have as much self-control but have other good qualities?


I really have no advice Lily as I have always been single but I imagine that the old adage of 'be yourself' is best, or really be who God made you. Keep God at the centre because He should be the one to change you both, rather than trying to change each other.

It must be exciting and I pray that God blesses your new relationship. And I love the scarf story!

Thank you!!!!

 

[RobertMerton]

honestly,

i dont usually try and befriend girls on purpose, unless i want to date them.

so yes, the motive thing is correct.

that being said i dont really have many friends that are girls anymore ,outside of high school.

i should note that i also reclassified my 'friends' as acquaintances now.

 

[NiobiumTragedy]

Most of my friends have been females over the years. I found I got along much easier with them than with other guys.

What I can say is do not change who you are for the sake of another person. Do not let go of your values for the sake of "making them happy" as you put it. Just be who you are and they will either choose to like you and your company or they won't. It's really that simple.

I will say that I agree with Andrew; what your sister does is entrapment after which she probably gets mad when guys go to make a move, which, lets face it, 99% of guys out there would simply because they are human. This can also be very dangerous because if you make the mistake of going out with an unpredictable guy, there is a chance that he won't stop if you say no, so it's much better to not leave yourself open to something like that.

As I said, be yourself, don't change for anyone and hold your values close. That alone will help you out in the long run.

 

[OGM]

I will say that I agree with Andrew; what your sister does is entrapment after which she probably gets mad when guys go to make a move, which, lets face it, 99% of guys out there would simply because they are human. This can also be very dangerous because if you make the mistake of going out with an unpredictable guy, there is a chance that he won't stop if you say no, so it's much better to not leave yourself open to something like that.

I agree...that is an extremely dangerous game could backfire tragically.

 

[Standing_Ultraviolet]

Not sure how I feel about that. Sounds like entrapment and surely if a girl was to intentionally tempt guys, most of them would break at some point, since we are all sinners. She might whittle it down to the ones with most self-control, but is she missing guys who perhaps don't have as much self-control but have other good qualities?

I mean, is she just sitting next to them? The original statement didn't really say that much, but I got the idea that she was just sort of there in a situation where the other person could possibly choose to make a move, rather than actively leading them on. The idea of intentionally tempting someone is off regardless, but if you can't sit next to a girl (even one you like or are involved with) without making unwanted sexual advances, then that's a serious problem with self control, not a mild one.

If she's actually making it seem like she wants to be sexually involved with them, I would say that would be a turn-off for a lot of guys (particularly the more religious), and an intentional act leading them to sin mentally if not physically. Personally, it would make me more likely to cut off the relationship than anything else.

 

[Mayflower1]

wow! I just got on and saw "sexually involved" and almost fainted. That is not my intention at all. I am abstinent. Plus,we decided to go back to being friends, because for our histories of abuse, neither one of us know what a healthy relationship is, and we just sort of jumped into it to try it out. It was holding hands, first kiss sort of thing though. Nothing else. I have been in all girl programs for the last few years, and in highschool had only one friend in my life who was a boy. I am clueless to this sort of thing. and it was unwise to jump in a relationship, but I listened to my mentors who suggested we go back to being friends. Yesterday I learned he cut hisself up and is in the hospital. I have a history of this, and want to be there and encourage him as a friend, but I have to do so at a distance, because I don't want to fall back into that myself. Plus I don't want to lead him on. We have only known each other a few weeks, and he told me he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I have felt the same way about him, but this is clearly an emotional response and a red flag that we are moving too fast and could actually hurt each other in the long run if we actually are this similar. I can't be around him without being triggered, and this isn't a healthy relationship. I have gone through a crash course in relationships 101. Though I welcome the experience, it has been a very tough one to learn. I am only glad I listened and told him we need to just be friends, before he went into the hospital. It would have been very difficult to tell him this now.

 

[Standing_Ultraviolet]

wow! I just got on and saw "sexually involved" and almost fainted.

Sorry. I wasn't referring to your post when I said that. It was in response to an earlier comment that someone made about one of their friends. I hope that there wasn't a misunderstanding with what I said.

 

[Mayflower1]

oh! lol. Okay. I need to read more carefully.

 

[AndrewZinc]

Sorry. I wasn't referring to your post when I said that. It was in response to an earlier comment that someone made about one of their friends. I hope that there wasn't a misunderstanding with what I said.

Yeah, sorry, we went off on a tangent!


And sorry to hear it didn't work out Lily. It's definately good of you to think about it with a clear head rather than relying just on emotions.

 

[armyman_83]

Most men are generally Pigs. I know, I am generally one. God forgive me. Oink! And your boyfriend is interested in the physical, or else he wouldn't date you. But that doesn't mean he isn't trying to get in your pants. Just know that, yeah--he thinks about sex. Most guys do, if not all.

 

[Mayflower1]

Most men are generally Pigs. I know, I am generally one. God forgive me. Oink! And your boyfriend is interested in the physical, or else he wouldn't date you. But that doesn't mean he isn't trying to get in your pants. Just know that, yeah--he thinks about sex. Most guys do, if not all.

My mom always told me the exact thing growing up.

 

[k450ofu3k-gh-5ipe]

Not sure how I feel about that. Sounds like entrapment and surely if a girl was to intentionally tempt guys, most of them would break at some point, since we are all sinners. She might whittle it down to the ones with most self-control, but is she missing guys who perhaps don't have as much self-control but have other good qualities?


I really have no advice Lily as I have always been single but I imagine that the old adage of 'be yourself' is best, or really be who God made you. Keep God at the centre because He should be the one to change you both, rather than trying to change each other.

It must be exciting and I pray that God blesses your new relationship. And I love the scarf story!

That is twisted behavior. I wouldn't fall for it but if I knew that's what she did to weed people out, the relationship wouldn't continue any longer.

There is never a situation where a Christian should purposefully tempt another person to sin. In the Bible we have examples of Satan purposefully tempting Jesus. Should we follow Satan's example in this regard? Definitely not!