What should I do?

[LuketheDuke01]

Hey guys, so my girlfriend and I have been dating for about 3 years now and we want to get married very soon. We are both Christians but a problem has come up. I don't drink anymore because thankfully the Lord has changed my appetite for it but my girlfriend on the other hand still wants a glass of wine or a beer here and there. I know the Bible doesn't specifically say "don't have a glass of wine or don't have a beer" but I believe a Christian should not drink. I mean think about the message it sends to an unbeliever who may be coming close to taking that next step and beginning a relationship with Christ. We are supposed to look different to the unbeliever. Anyway, this has created some tension between both my girlfriend and I and we are saddened by it. She does not want to let go of this and her ability to "have a beer". I do not want to enter into a marriage with this unresolved and I do not want this to be a part of her life anymore. This is major to me, every time she does have a glass of wine I get bitter about it.

Can someone please help me with this? Am I showing her love or am I bien selfish? Is she wrong for not wanting to rid of something that "causes me to stumble"?

Thanks in advance guys!

 

[ToBeLoved]

Hey guys, so my girlfriend and I have been dating for about 3 years now and we want to get married very soon. We are both Christians but a problem has come up. I don't drink anymore because thankfully the Lord has changed my appetite for it but my girlfriend on the other hand still wants a glass of wine or a beer here and there. I know the Bible doesn't specifically say "don't have a glass of wine or don't have a beer" but I believe a Christian should not drink. I mean think about the message it sends to an unbeliever who may be coming close to taking that next step and beginning a relationship with Christ. We are supposed to look different to the unbeliever. Anyway, this has created some tension between both my girlfriend and I and we are saddened by it. She does not want to let go of this and her ability to "have a beer". I do not want to enter into a marriage with this unresolved and I do not want this to be a part of her life anymore. This is major to me, every time she does have a glass of wine I get bitter about it.

Can someone please help me with this? Am I showing her love or am I bien selfish? Is she wrong for not wanting to rid of something that "causes me to stumble"?

Thanks in advance guys!

One glass is not for someone to get intoxicated. I think one glass is fine.

Jesus did turn water into wine at the wedding feast, so I'm not sure we can say that wine (grapes) are bad in a non-intoxicating instance. I believe Luke also told Paul to have wine for his health problems.

So, I don't think it is warranted to say no to all. I would also ask yourself by your girlfriend having a glass of wine or beer, are you really worried about offending non-believers or beleivers?

Because many try to please believers, so I hope your heart is in it 100% for non-believers.

God bless you, may he lead you well.

 

[Julie.S]

I will be honest with you on this matter and you may not like what I say but its what I think sounds logical.

You may need to get over her drinking a little. She is not from what I gather doing it to become drunk she is doing it because she just likes to have a glass of wine or a beer. Its not to make you angry or upset. Its not good in a relationship to let what someone does bother you so much that it leads to anger its just not healthy in my view for either of you.

I think you need to step back a little on the drinking thing. She sounds like she knows when she has had enough.

I know you love her and mean well but if a guy acted that way to me I might get a little scared that he wants to control me and my actions to suit him only. That is just my view though.

I wish you luck.

 

[Sketcher]

You're not going to drink, let alone drink too much when you see her drink. Nor are you going to renounce your faith when you see her drink. She's not causing you to stumble, you're causing yourself to stumble.

Now, some unbelievers may stumble, other unbelievers will not. Whether or not a Christian should drink in front of them depends on the unbeliever. If the unbeliever knows the believer is responsible with alcohol, and if that unbeliever isn't an alcoholic, there's no problem with it, as demonstrated by Jesus. If an alcoholic is being ministered to on the other hand, it would be prudent to not drink. If an unbeliever knows that you drink, it is prudent to let the unbeliever know where you stand on it - against drunkenness, but not drinking.

 

[Job8]

I do not want to enter into a marriage with this unresolved and I do not want this to be a part of her life anymore.

That pretty much sums it up. Since you are facing a stalemate, bid her a pleasant goodbye, and find someone who is fully in tune with your values. I'm sure the Lord will have some else for you.

 

[tturt]

So if they don't agree on every issue, move on to someone else?

Personally doubt that's possible.

 

[Job8]

So if they don't agree on every issue, move on to someone else?

This issue is a deal-breaker. So it will be a NO-WIN situation with this spouse, and could lead to bigger issues down the road.

 

[tturt]

Oh, if this is a deal breaker, let her know. If they can't agree, then go their separate ways. Just wonder if there are other issues now and once they're married?

 

[Bobinator]

Hey guys, so my girlfriend and I have been dating for about 3 years now and we want to get married very soon. We are both Christians but a problem has come up. I don't drink anymore because thankfully the Lord has changed my appetite for it but my girlfriend on the other hand still wants a glass of wine or a beer here and there. I know the Bible doesn't specifically say "don't have a glass of wine or don't have a beer" but I believe a Christian should not drink. I mean think about the message it sends to an unbeliever who may be coming close to taking that next step and beginning a relationship with Christ. We are supposed to look different to the unbeliever. Anyway, this has created some tension between both my girlfriend and I and we are saddened by it. She does not want to let go of this and her ability to "have a beer". I do not want to enter into a marriage with this unresolved and I do not want this to be a part of her life anymore. This is major to me, every time she does have a glass of wine I get bitter about it.

Can someone please help me with this? Am I showing her love or am I bien selfish? Is she wrong for not wanting to rid of something that "causes me to stumble"?

Thanks in advance guys!

I think your dogmatic stance in this matter probably spills over into other views you have in life. This translates to a world of trouble you’ll be facing in a relationship no matter who you end up marrying. As a married man, I foresee a lot of pain in your future, unless you lighten up. Treating something that’s not a sin as something sinful is inviting more trouble than anyone on the receiving end deserves. You may have been dating for 3 years, but I wouldn’t expect a marriage to last longer than that if you insist on this holier than thou attitude. Just saying…

 

[tucker58]

Hey guys, so my girlfriend and I have been dating for about 3 years now and we want to get married very soon. We are both Christians but a problem has come up. I don't drink anymore because thankfully the Lord has changed my appetite for it but my girlfriend on the other hand still wants a glass of wine or a beer here and there. I know the Bible doesn't specifically say "don't have a glass of wine or don't have a beer" but I believe a Christian should not drink. I mean think about the message it sends to an unbeliever who may be coming close to taking that next step and beginning a relationship with Christ. We are supposed to look different to the unbeliever. Anyway, this has created some tension between both my girlfriend and I and we are saddened by it. She does not want to let go of this and her ability to "have a beer". I do not want to enter into a marriage with this unresolved and I do not want this to be a part of her life anymore. This is major to me, every time she does have a glass of wine I get bitter about it.

Can someone please help me with this? Am I showing her love or am I bien selfish? Is she wrong for not wanting to rid of something that "causes me to stumble"?

Thanks in advance guys!

LuketheDuke, yours is a heart breaking delemma. It just is. First of all I do not feel that it is a question of, "is she right or is she wrong?" Or even, whether it is you that is right or wrong. To me it is about the future stability of your marriage. I use to have a problem with alchohol and I do not allow it around my house and I stay away from folks that drink it. And my wife of 29 years doesn't have a problem with that because she spent a lot of years dealing with me having an alchohol problem. Marriage is not normally an eazy path to follow and it takes a lot of work and compromise for a marriage to be successful. In my wife and I 's marriage most of the compromise was done by my wife durring the first 15 years or so of our marriage. And it was her that created the stability in our marriage. Not me and I really owe her and admire her for that (this is with the understanding that I was never abusive to her, physically or otherwise. I was just messed up and dumb back in those days.).

Now, here is a part of the heart breaking delemma, "Is she going to still want be married to you if you develope an alchohol problem?" Because, life will push you into having an alchohol problem if alchohol is in your home and/or you are around people who drink. It just will. And if one has an appetite for alchohol, then it is going to be a problem for them for the rest of their life. The first and most important step to solving that problem is to not have alchohol around and to not be around others that are drinking it. The second step is to do what you can to minimize stress, because stress or percieved stress is what will cause you to want to drink.

And now here we go, your relationship with your girl friend, because of alchohol, is now creating stress. LuketheDuke, you can't leave your girl friend because you have been together too long and you are emotionally attached to her. And your relationship is placing alchohol around you and you around people that drink. Which brings up the other part of the heart breaking delemma, your marriage is starting out unstable before you are even married. So what kind of advice can an old fellow that has been through some trials and tribulations, including three marriages with the first two being really short , give you? It would be my opinion/suggestion that you and your girl friend should go to your minister and get some "pre" marriage councelling. I suggest this because the future stability of your marriage, which will probably include children, is in question before you are even married .

 

[Righttruth]

Hey guys, so my girlfriend and I have been dating for about 3 years now and we want to get married very soon. We are both Christians but a problem has come up. I don't drink anymore because thankfully the Lord has changed my appetite for it but my girlfriend on the other hand still wants a glass of wine or a beer here and there. I know the Bible doesn't specifically say "don't have a glass of wine or don't have a beer" but I believe a Christian should not drink. I mean think about the message it sends to an unbeliever who may be coming close to taking that next step and beginning a relationship with Christ. We are supposed to look different to the unbeliever. Anyway, this has created some tension between both my girlfriend and I and we are saddened by it. She does not want to let go of this and her ability to "have a beer". I do not want to enter into a marriage with this unresolved and I do not want this to be a part of her life anymore. This is major to me, every time she does have a glass of wine I get bitter about it.

Can someone please help me with this? Am I showing her love or am I bien selfish? Is she wrong for not wanting to rid of something that "causes me to stumble"?

Thanks in advance guys!

I drink, not my wife. Nevertheless, I am extremely moderate with drinks using them for relaxation, and I never get high with too much. I never act strangely nor act out of control with thoughts that are not normal. I continue to be sober and not bothered with abnormal thoughts and speech. You know what goes in is not important; it is what comes out after one drinks.

If your girl friend behaves strangely or not act normally after drinks, I think, you should seriously think of parting ways.

 

[ToBeLoved]

Since when did one occasional drink become an alcohol problem?

That's absurd.


If the OP is that judgmental, I think she is escaping something snd should be glad. I hope the right decision is made for her. Someone lives in a glass house. That's not Christ.

 

[BABerean2]

Hey guys, so my girlfriend and I have been dating for about 3 years now and we want to get married very soon. We are both Christians but a problem has come up. I don't drink anymore because thankfully the Lord has changed my appetite for it but my girlfriend on the other hand still wants a glass of wine or a beer here and there. I know the Bible doesn't specifically say "don't have a glass of wine or don't have a beer" but I believe a Christian should not drink. I mean think about the message it sends to an unbeliever who may be coming close to taking that next step and beginning a relationship with Christ. We are supposed to look different to the unbeliever. Anyway, this has created some tension between both my girlfriend and I and we are saddened by it. She does not want to let go of this and her ability to "have a beer". I do not want to enter into a marriage with this unresolved and I do not want this to be a part of her life anymore. This is major to me, every time she does have a glass of wine I get bitter about it.

Can someone please help me with this? Am I showing her love or am I bien selfish? Is she wrong for not wanting to rid of something that "causes me to stumble"?

Thanks in advance guys!

When you both have time together, sit down with your Bibles and watch the following.

If you use scripture as your guide instead of the teachings of men, the answer will be obvious.

 

[football5680]

Jesus and the apostles both drank wine and these are the people we look towards to teach us how we should live. At the wedding in Cana, Jesus turned water into wine and I don't think he is somebody who would cause anybody to stumble since he is the one who said this. If your girlfriend was constantly drunk then that would be a problem but if she just has an occasional glass of wine or beer then it is no problem.

 

[ravindraneee]

Hey guys, so my girlfriend and I have been dating for about 3 years now and we want to get married very soon. We are both Christians but a problem has come up. I don't drink anymore because thankfully the Lord has changed my appetite for it but my girlfriend on the other hand still wants a glass of wine or a beer here and there. I know the Bible doesn't specifically say "don't have a glass of wine or don't have a beer" but I believe a Christian should not drink. I mean think about the message it sends to an unbeliever who may be coming close to taking that next step and beginning a relationship with Christ. We are supposed to look different to the unbeliever. Anyway, this has created some tension between both my girlfriend and I and we are saddened by it. She does not want to let go of this and her ability to "have a beer". I do not want to enter into a marriage with this unresolved and I do not want this to be a part of her life anymore. This is major to me, every time she does have a glass of wine I get bitter about it.

Can someone please help me with this? Am I showing her love or am I bien selfish? Is she wrong for not wanting to rid of something that "causes me to stumble"?

Thanks in advance guys!

It is a problem if she constantly tries to get you have a sip along with her. Then she is a cause for stumble. Now you will get so divided opinions on whether having a little beer is sin or not. Setting that aside, it does not sound like a big difference in opinion to part ways. I guess this is something you both can move on with an understanding on where each of you stand with it. I am pretty sure there are going to other areas where you will find difference in opinion. As long as the difference is not something around foundation of faith itself, it should be okay.